Be gentle, kind, and thoughtful.

[LWJ]

As I type this, my wife is walking with a woman we have known for a number of years. Our 18 year old 2020 grad children went to grade school together. We have been friends, but we have not done any social things with them for a while.

So why is my wife walking with her?


Grief.


This woman's 16 year old son committed suicide two weeks ago.

Whether COVID isolation increased his suffering or something else, I don't know. I do know that everyone is a little more on edge than usual. And some people are not doing well at all.

Just a reminder. Other folks may be in a much much worse space than you. Be gentle.

Thanks for reading.

[NY65912]

Agreed. Kindness make both people feel better.

Very sorry to hear this. My condolences

[bivenator]

Tough to read this. Gentle, kind and thoughtful, good advice.

[tevake]

That is so sad!

My youngest son just graduated from high school, and is worryingly depressed and withdrawn. Likes staying in his room playing online games.
Won't respond to suggestions to get out, have some exersice, change what he does with himself to change how he feels.

He was planning to start at Pacific university in the fall, but now this virus thing is interrupting those plans.

Sorry about your sons friend !

[ckelly78z]

I had a 50 year old co-worker that died suddenly 2 weeks ago, she had been suffering from SADS, and had nerve pain, was overweight, and alone. She still hadn't been called back to work, and was trying to do her ever increasingly difficult job from home. I suspect she overdosed on pain meds either by accident, or to end the pain.

At least the last time I talked to her, I ws overly freindly, and talked for a few minutes, it looked like she needed it.

[vash]

damn. brutal.

parents never want to outlive the kids. brutal!!

best wishes to the involved.

[cabmandone]

And most important, be attentive.

[fastfredracing]

Yes, I've known a few people who have lost children. Brutal. I walked around like a zombie for quite some time, before I came back to normal .
My `14 year old son struggles with depression sometimes. I try to keep a watchful eye on him. He threatened suicide about a month back online, and his teacher got wind of it , and called the police .
The amount of kindness and understanding the local officer poured onto my son , made me tear up a little bit . He was really earning his paycheck that night. This was right as the floyd riots were breaking out , and I was just standing there thinking, " this is the stuff that officers do , that you never hear about "
Sorry about your friend . And yes, more kindness, less selfishness . It costs nothing, and may just mean the world to someone

[cabmandone]

Originally Posted by tevake

That is so sad!

My youngest son just graduated from high school, and is worryingly depressed and withdrawn. Likes staying in his room playing online games.
Won't respond to suggestions to get out, have some exersice, change what he does with himself to change how he feels.

He was planning to start at Pacific university in the fall, but now this virus thing is interrupting those plans.

Sorry about your sons friend !

Not tellin ya what to do but you might consider some counselling for him. It's difficult with boys because they don't want to open up. Been there myself with my son. I ended up taking him to counselling with him protesting the whole time. I told him that holding it in and thinking he can deal with it himself isn't going to make things better. A lot has been taken from these kids graduating this year and I'm sure there's a level of disappointment that they simply don't know how to express.

[stealthn]

Yes truly sad!

As a father of two seventeen year olds, these type of things are on my mind. Listen and check in with your kids often, there are usually small signs.

God Bless

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by LWJ

A

Just a reminder. Other folks may be in a much much worse space than you. Be gentle.

Thanks for reading.

We don't hear enough about this. There is a time to be tough. We all need to be ready to be tough, whether we are confronting someone who is endangering our loved ones, or we are enduring some heartbreaking tragedy. But in our toughness we can't forget to be gentle when it is needed.

[tevake]

Originally Posted by cabmando

Not tellin ya what to do but you might consider some counselling for him. It's difficult with boys because they don't want to open up. Been there myself with my son. I ended up taking him to counselling with him protesting the whole time. I told him that holding it in and thinking he can deal with it himself isn't going to make things better. A lot has been taken from these kids graduating this year and I'm sure there's a level of disappointment that they simply don't know how to express.

Thanks Cabmando, he has been seeing a therapist for a couple of years now.
Improvement does require willingness to do some work in making changes in ones life.

He and his mom are planning to move to south Pasadena shortly to help out with the aging parents there. And he will be joining a therapy group there for group sessions.
In the hope that that setting will inspire him to put into practice some of the techniques that may help him to move forward.

Fingers crossed
Cheers Richard

[Crowbob]

Be kind to strangers for they are locked in battle.

I do believe the ‘Rona and the disruption from it is having an enormous impact on young people, teens and 20’s, especially. Almost everybody else seems edgy.

[cabmandone]

Richard,
Sometimes even a different therapist can help. The key is finding one who relates well with the child. Hope it works out and he finds happiness.

[tevake]

Thanks Nick.
We are staying hopeful. And trying to be there for him.

Cheers Richard

[craigster59]

So sorry to hear. Teenagers have so much to deal with otherwise and this Covid and unrest just seems to pile on more difficulty than their young minds can handle.

I've posted here before about my Mother's suicide. Permanent solution to a short term problem. It has such a long term effect on families and friends, you never really get over it or understand it. We have had a few teen suicides in our community, one yesterday where the kid ran onto the freeway (405). Just terrible.

My Wife had been saying that the lockdown was going to bring about a lot of tragedy for kids. For some of them school and socializing was there only refuge from an abusive home life (This is in no way directed at your situation LWJ). Kids need to be able to be kids and right now that isn't possible.

My condolences to you LWJ and praise to your Wife for being the shoulder to lean on.

[flatbutt]

Damn, that kind of grief must be inconsolable.

[berettafan]

We too have dealt with teen depression. It's terrifying. A tough world out there for kids who internalize everything. This is a large part of why i strongly believe we need to get kids back to school at all costs.

[Tobra]

With this lockdown and cancellation of school, teen depression and suicides are way up. Unintended consequence of all this.

[RSBob]

Horrible tragedy for all concerned and a lesson for all of us. We never know what others are enduring and need to keep that in mind.

With CV19, people in general are super stressed and/or depressed. Job loss, stuck with kids and a job not getting done, abusive spouse or getting on each other’s nerves, or in a rut. Teens really have it rough with all their issues and online bullying.

So next time you feel like blasting some ftard that desperately deserves it, walk away, have a drink, and leave it alone. If you simply can’t, be courteous. When we finish with all this madness, we can get back to being total aholes.