Cautionary Tale for you Marrieds out there

[wdfifteen]

A friend unexpectedly passed away in her sleep last Tuesday (she was 14 days older than me). She was the breadwinner and kept every bit of financial information secret from her husband, did not tell him how many a financial accounts she had set up or where they are, didn't share passwords, and had him on a joint checking account that had $150 in it at the time of her death. She was a lawyer, so she executed all the legal documents herself and never filed the documents with the county or put them in the care of another attorney. She left a will that says give "everything" to him, but it does not list what this "everything" consists of, which makes it pretty useless. There were no post death instructions that he could find, so he's been scrambling to try to understand what she would want in terms of a funeral. She left him with $150 and a big FU as far as I can see. Not sure it was intentional, but there he is.

On top of trying to figure out how to pay the utilities over the next month, her family is pressing for a "celebration of life" gathering soon, which puts him in another bind. His family is a bunch of virus deniers and the brother stated that they would not be wearing face coverings at the service regardless of the family's wishes because "... face masks are for armed robberies." Her family includes lawyers and a number of doctors (including the county coroner) who want no part of that "hillbilly nonsense." His family can't be invited, which will go over real, real, well with them, I'm sure. We discovered today that her family has chosen a venue for the event and informed the husband that the least expensive dinner plate is $24 and it's traditional in the family to have an open bar. They expect him to pay for it - with the $150 he has.

After watching this debacle unfold MrsWD and I have vowed to get all this stuff straightened out even tighter than we already have it.RIGHT NOW. We are searching for a way to securely save all our account passwords that would just be between the two of us.
I've been using Boxcryptor for years, hopefully she would only need to have the password to my computer and the password for Boxcryptor and get full access to all the accounts.

Any better suggestions?

[Bill Douglas]

Wow, a bad situation.

A while ago when simple food poisoning went from bad to worse and I thought I may die, I made up a simple list that had address of properties and their value, shareholder account numbers + brokers and the stocks held. Bank account numbers ( + pass words), lawyer, doctor, list of friends. And instructions "If it looks like a car part don't throw it out!"

[oldE]

Our wills are joint. They list our assets. She has some small accounts, but almost everything else is joint. We have been planning for disaster since our son was born, almost four decades ago.

Obviously your friend's situation is nothing like ours.
Best
Les

[pavulon]

Get a 4 password books. Accounts and usernames in one and corresponding passwords in the other, for each of you. Exchange them and physically separate by some distance for storage.

As for your friend’s hubby, it’s gonna suck for awhile and if her family wants to celebrate her life, that’s on them and their dime...go batschz crazy because she was.

[KFC911]

That sucks Patrick....

I've been struggling with this too... and I'm not married. Elderly parents, family members, etc...

If they were married, isn't everything his anyways? Still a mess tho'. If her family is "well off", then they should cover the expenses temporarily in my view.... but I know how that works.... it doesn't .

Best to him....and RIP.

I have a call with an atty. today.... get yer ducks in a row folks!

[LJ851]

I have a friend who went through this same thing about 3 years ago, it was the husband who died.

She ended up hiring a private investigator that was able to solve passwords and get access to bank accounts and investments. She is pretty well set up now although they could never find a life insurance policy that she thinks is almost certainly out there somewhere.

I highly recommend your friend do something similar!

[sc_rufctr]

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

A friend unexpectedly passed away in her sleep last Tuesday (she was 14 days older than me)...

Any better suggestions?

The husband should do exactly he he wants to do. After all it was his wife.
What that means is he should honour his wife the best way he knows how and shouldn't exclude anyone based on their politics.

As far as accounts and the finances. He should get a good lawyer and use the legals means of finding everything.
I'm sure this is not the first time something like this has happened and finding her investments and money should be fairly straight forward.

Why must everything be complicated with politics? Surely people can put their differences aside for one afternoon!

I attended the funeral for my ex father in law. My ex wife's entire family was there and there were NO issues.
(If you knew the kind of separation/divorce I had that would amaze you but I wont bore you with the details)

[Starless]

I'm retired and my wife is now the breadwinner and 9 years younger than me. I've always taken care of the finances and she never had any interest in how much or where our money went. Well Dec. 18, 2018 I ended up in the ER with stomach cramps. Real bad. Turns out my intestines were blocked. Emergency surgery right then and 3 feet if my intestine had to be removed. Dr told her that an hour or so longer and i would have died. When I got out of the hospital on XMas eve, I told her that she was now going to learn where all our finances were and all the passwords. It was like pulling teeth. She realized she had no clue where anything was, but still had no real interest. I tried explaining that had I not made it, she would have been in a bad situation. Now, a year and a half later, we're back to where we started. I gave up. If I die, at least I know that I tried.

[tabs]

Originally Posted by Bill Douglas

Wow, a bad situation.

A while ago when simple food poisoning went from bad to worse and I thought I may die, I made up a simple list that had address of properties and their value, shareholder account numbers + brokers and the stocks held. Bank account numbers ( + pass words), lawyer, doctor, list of friends. And instructions "If it looks like a car part don't throw it out!"

Last time i threw up was on 7/4/76..didnt even make it to th toy toy..a result of food poisoning..

[cabmandone]

No secrets in my household. All of my accounts, business and personal, are joint accounts. Anything happens to me, she has immediate access, no monetary worries. I created a document with usernames and passwords that is stored in a fire rated safe.

[tabs]

A friend of mine, wife kept threatening him with divorce. One day he got tired of it and took her up on it. Because he didnt pay attention to the business finances of the multi million $$ biz that they owned he got virtually nothing.. she was a good looking woman who hooked up with a loser after gettin a divorce and started to drink more wine..as a result gaining a lot of weight. She eventually sold out her end of the biz for a few mill.

Also a neighbor woman in CA and her hubby owned a half interest in.18 Green Burritos and.a Marie Calenders. Right before the divorce her hubby and partner took out loans against the Burritos for remodeling..thus there was no equity left in the biz. They couldnt screw around with the Marie Calenders because of tje Liquor License. In the end she bought a Condo on the beach in Larina Del Rey where her neighbor was the Lakers coach. Her new Husband was making 20m a year..so ir worked out in the end for her.

[CurtEgerer]

>>> His family is a bunch of Trump's deniers and think face masks ... <<<

Here's some unbiased info from the NCBI for your friend on masks and viruses written in 2016, long before the China Virus turned the surgical mask into political symbolism:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4868614/

[tabs]

Look it i am fairly Conservative by nature..i think.you are a moron if you dont wear a mask as a precaution.

This is Darwinism at work..where the less fit dimwits will be eliminated.

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by pavulon

Get a 4 password books. Accounts and usernames in one and corresponding passwords in the other, for each of you. Exchange them and physically separate by some distance for storage.

As for your friend’s hubby, it’s gonna suck for awhile and if her family wants to celebrate her life, that’s on them and their dime...go batschz crazy because she was.

That’s actually an interesting idea. I tend to store data electronically because it’s easier to update, but she likes things written on paper. It would work for her.

She wasn’t crazy except for not keeping records in some known secure place. He was as stupid about money as he is about everything else. She started locking down assets after he cashed in a $70,000 IRA to fund some business scheme without telling her. He wasn’t aware of the 10% penalty for early withdrawal.

[tabs]

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

That’s actually an interesting idea. I tend to store data electronically because it’s easier to update, but she likes things written on paper. It would work for her.

She wasn’t crazy except for not keeping records in some known secure place. He was as stupid about money as he is about everything else. She started locking down assets after he cashed in a $70,000 IRA to fund some business scheme without telling her. He wasn’t aware of the 10% penalty for early withdrawal.

Why didnt you say this in the beginning. It puts a whole new light on the matter.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

After watching this debacle unfold MrsWD and I have vowed to get all this stuff straightened out even tighter than we already have it.RIGHT NOW. We are searching for a way to securely save all our account passwords that would just be between the two of us.
I've been using Boxcryptor for years, hopefully she would only need to have the password to my computer and the password for Boxcryptor and get full access to all the accounts.

Any better suggestions?

Have them all printed out on a sheet of paper in a fireproof (resistant, really) safe/box as well in case the computer dies. You just have to remember to keep the sheet updated.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by KC911

If they were married, isn't everything his anyways?

I haven't been through this myself, but from what I understand, it can be a huge pain to get an account holder to release an account to the spouse. What I've heard is that you have to provide death certificate and jump through a bunch of hoops. It probably keeps people from pulling a fast one and stealing the money, but it doesn't make it any easier for the person that's left.

It's best to make all accounts joint, and even if both parties aren't involved, there should be a list of accounts.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally Posted by cabmando

No secrets in my household. All of my accounts, business and personal, are joint accounts. Anything happens to me, she has immediate access, no monetary worries. I created a document with usernames and passwords that is stored in a fire rated safe.

Same here, it would be easy for either of us if something terrible happened.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by LJ851

I have a friend who went through this same thing about 3 years ago, it was the husband who died.

She ended up hiring a private investigator that was able to solve passwords and get access to bank accounts and investments. She is pretty well set up now although they could never find a life insurance policy that she thinks is almost certainly out there somewhere.

I highly recommend your friend do something similar!

Most states have a lost/abandoned funds search page. When my dad passed, my mom checked that and found some sort of really old life insurance policy that was worth about $1000. It may be worth a shot.

[KFC911]

With a somewhat photographic memory, I've never written down logons, account IDs, passwords, ....nada, and I handle all my parents' stuff too. My family situation is unique, and I need to... mebbe stored in my safe, along with docs. What to do with the safe combination? Do not feel comfortable disclosing it to the person who will need it...(their spouse). Up until now, I've told my parents to call a locksmith... and they are getting up there now. I've got a small mess to figure out .