Cautionary Tale for you Marrieds out there

[vash]

sorry for the loss of your friend.

[Rot 911]

This is what I use and I would recommend to anyone else.

I'm Dead, Now What?: Important Information About My Belongings, Business Affairs, and Wishes https://www.amazon.com/dp/1441317996/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_rJ1-Eb8NVRFTD

[vash]

my wife is the brains behind the operation. she has accounts i dont know about.

but we locked it all down when we had papers drawn up a few years ago. we covered all the bases. advance directives, living trust, etc. btw, there will be no funeral when i pass. just a mass email to friends and family. my ashes go into the wilderness. people move on.

[GH85Carrera]

My wife's aunt died recently at age 90. It was NOT unexpected as she was in hospice end of life care.

Her son had full power of attorney and he was the trustee, and named the executor of the estate. They had spent time and money with a family attorney that specializes in trusts. The son was pretty sure everything was set and was trying to prepare emotionally for his mother to die.

He went to talk to the banker for something he did not disclose to us. He came back frustrated that the banker found some signature that was still needed. His advice to all of the cousins gathered there to say goodby was take the paperwork to the bank and have a banker look at everything to be sure all the signatures are in order. After the funeral he said he was going home to grieve as he had been so busy trying to take care of the funeral planning and the estate. It is difficult enough deal with the grief, and adding in more legal BS just makes it worse.

[techweenie]

Funerals and weddings have been among the biggest the sources of COVID-19 spread. Ideally, your friend will do a memorial event outdoors with social distancing. That way the flat-earthers will still get to participate & maybe not get sick.

EDIT: example

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/coronavirus-seventeen-family-members-get-virus-at-funeral-mtn99qg2r

[KFC911]

Thinking about all the "unlikely, what if" contingencies is what drives me nuts. For those of you that share all the info/accts etc. with your spouse... "what if" something happens to you both? Just as an example...

[vash]

Originally Posted by KC911

Thinking about all the "unlikely, what if" contingencies is what drives me nuts. For those of you that share all the info/accts etc. with your spouse... "what if" something happens to you both? Just as an example...

death isnt a "what if". is gonna happen for sure.

my trust lines it all up. call it a pecking order of sorts. like how the secretary of state can end up president if a few people in front of her in the pecking order all eat the same bad sushi...

if a bunch of people go down on one single party boat, i have some nephew ready to live a much easier life.

[GH85Carrera]

Originally Posted by KC911

Thinking about all the "unlikely, what if" contingencies is what drives me nuts. For those of you that share all the info/accts etc. with your spouse... "what if" something happens to you both? Just as an example...

Our wills are set up to deal with that. The obvious surviving spouse get the assets. If we both die together in a car crash or plane crash or a meteor lands on our house at night while we are in bed, we each have that spelled out in the will.

And some various nephews will have a lot easier life.

I plan to live forever, so far so good.

[KFC911]

Yep.... I get the "somebody will be set" aspect... I was thinking about who handles it, accts, passwords, etc. Who knows the combination to your safe for example? For a Fidelity acct, from what I've read, the beneficiary(ies) need to request it, etc. Things like that are what I struggle with. And IRAs aren't part of your estate....

[911 Rod]

Don't forget about your pets.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by 911 Rod

Don't forget about your pets.

Yep....that too

She knows the combination to my safe, but hasn't figured out the dial thingy....yet

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by vash

my wife is the brains behind the operation. she has accounts i dont know about.

Thank god.

My wife runs the entire Seahawk enterprise: Farm, kids finances and taxes, our taxes, her Mother's estate, her retirement TSP, my O-6 retirement, short term investments, the works. Actually a fair bit of money.

I run the long term investments and coordinate everything through her since, uh, it matters. I could not be in better hands.

People who die without the details being vetted legally deserve what they get.

Anyone with a net worth over 10K needs a will, a plan. Everything dies, Baby, that's a fact...

Prepare for it. The best gift my Father gave me, as his Executor, was an absolute rock steady Will, coordinated in advance.

When I go, I'll leave no footprints, no expectations, zero doubt. All done in advance.

[Por_sha911]

Originally Posted by wdfifteen

She was a lawyer, so she executed all the legal documents herself and never filed the documents with the county or put them in the care of another attorney. She left a will that says give "everything" to him, but it does not list what this "everything" consists of, which makes it pretty useless. There were no post death instructions that he could find, so he's been scrambling to try to understand what she would want in terms of a funeral.

Something is rotten. No legitimate attorney would do these things. I wonder if she was controlling him with her being the bread winner.

her family is pressing for a "celebration of life" gathering...her family has chosen a venue for the event...they expect him to pay for it - with the $150 he has.

Last I checked the spouse has the right to decide how to honor their lost partner. They are WAY out of line to demand he do something for them. They should be doing something to console him.
As far as him paying? POUND SAND. You want a party? You pay for it. They owe him and not the other way around.

suggestions?

Living Wills (medical treatment limitations and authorized certain person to speak on your behalf if you are unable to - doctors will honor this if properly filed out cause it is lawsuit city if they don't).

Will notorized and filed.

A list of all assets in a known location that is regularly updated. Bank name, phone number, last 4 of acct or CD, where to find the insurance policy. A simple document typed up in Word printed out and then emailed as well.

Pre-need funeral arrangements. You pick what you want to have happen and buy a insurance policy that pays for it all. When you pass, the funeral home honors the prices that were locked in when you paid. You can leave a list of wishes with the funeral home such as: who to call, what music to play, what info you want in the obituary, what outfit you want to be buried in... Once the time comes, the family reviews the list and makes any minor modifications (like adding a grandchild to the list for the obit).

[pwd72s]

A good contract lawyer can set up a trust that lists all assets. That's what Cindy & I did some years ago. This avoids probate...

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by GH85Carrera

After the funeral he said he was going home to grieve as he had been so busy trying to take care of the funeral planning and the estate. It is difficult enough deal with the grief, and adding in more legal BS just makes it worse.

This is my biggest takeaway from watching this happen to my friend.
In the OP I got into too much detail about his situation to try to back up my point, but not really making my point. I'm sorry I screwed that up.

Everyone talks about long term planning, and I'm sure in my friend's case his wife has him set up for long term security, but she did not consider contingencies for the 3 months or so after her death.
There is a period of time after a death that can be a state of limbo for the survivors. The banks don't want to release funds pending the official death certificate - which can take 8 weeks - but the bills still have to be paid and as far as creditors go life goes on. It is an aspect of estate planning that no one has ever mentioned to me, and I thought I had everything with our estate buttoned up tight. Just a heads up.

[Chocaholic]

Unfortunately I got this far and stopped reading:

His family is a bunch of Trump's deniers and think face masks should only be used during armed robberies.

WD15 simply can’t discuss an OT topic without his vitriol for our President. It’s an affliction that has no cure. He simply can’t save it for PARF.

Looks like an interesting thread too. A shame.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

Get a LastPass family plan to manage online accounts.

I really trust your acumen in these areas - do you use LastPass as well?

Seems like an absolute no-brainier.

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by Chocaholic

Unfortunately I got this far and stopped reading:

His family is a bunch of Trump's deniers and think face masks should only be used during armed robberies.

Would it make you feel better if I quoted him word for word?
"I won't wear a face mask at the service. Face masks are for armed robberies."

[Chocaholic]

Save it for PARF. How hard is that to understand? It has no value in this thread or your OP.

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

Get a LastPass family plan to manage online accounts.

Thanks for the info. I downloaded LastPass this morning and it looks like it what MrsWD and I need. It gets good reviews too.