It’s just a tool....

[rockaria]

Dude, at least she was communicating, helping and brought you the clamp. You are the luckiest guy on the planet my friend. All I ever got was silence and abuse. She demanded things and disappeared. Never lifted a finger to help with anything. I wish my wife (Now ex-wife) was ever there for me and willing to help.

Just saying...

[vash]

Originally Posted by Zeke

Looks to me to be the HF version of a "F" clamp. If so, it isn't a tool, it's something to use to beat on something else. Give the damn thing to your wife and go buy a Bessy. If she complains about the cost of replacing a $4.99 clamp with a $29.99 clamp, then you go over the cost of her cookware.

hahaaha....

HER cookware? damn.. what about her vacuum? "make me a sandwich!"..hahhaha

[bleucamaro]

A couple meme-ism's I came accross lately:
"Only thing worse than having a bad relationship is staying in a bad relationship"
"The things you're not changing, your're choosing."

On the note of the clamp being treated badly, I get it. I'd take it as no regard for my things = no regard for me.

And that's a sucky feeling.

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by vash

hahaaha....

HER cookware? damn.. what about her vacuum? "make me a sandwich!"..hahhaha

Vacuums are cheap these days. You can buy all you need for a 100 bucks and if you have to go hoity toity all you need is 400.

I've seen starter sets of name brand, high end cookware at that 400 mark more than once. I just bought a toaster oven, nothing fancy, for about a buck and a quarter. A dood upright vac can be had for about the same.

Yeah, just go through the kitchen cabinets and drawers and add up the cost. You could outfit your roll away tool chest with decent chicom tools for the same amount. Knives alone can be a significant factor but from what I see women don't appreciate a good knife like a man does. Mine sure doesn't. Give her a 2 dollar knife and she's happy as long as it will cut.

I mean a dozen drawers of a full size chest.

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by bleucamaro

A couple meme-ism's I came accross lately:
"Only thing worse than having a bad relationship is staying in a bad relationship"
"The things you're not changing, your're choosing."

On the note of the clamp being treated badly, I get it. I'd take it as no regard for my things = no regard for me.

And that's a sucky feeling.

On that last one, I take exception. Mostly I see ignorance as the factor. Sort of a blameless ignorance. I think half the men I know couldn't discern the 3 common Phillips screwdriver sizes. They are the ones that volcano the head of Phillips screws.

Ignorance.

[vash]

Originally Posted by Zeke

Vacuums are cheap these days. You can buy all you need for a 100 bucks and if you have to go hoity toity all you need is 400.

I've seen starter sets of name brand, high end cookware at that 400 mark more than once. I just bought a toaster oven, nothing fancy, for about a buck and a quarter. A dood upright vac can be had for about the same.

Yeah, just go through the kitchen cabinets and drawers and add up the cost. You could outfit your roll away tool chest with decent chicom tools for the same amount. Knives alone can be a significant factor but from what I see women don't appreciate a good knife like a man does. Mine sure doesn't. Give her a 2 dollar knife and she's happy as long as it will cut.

I mean a dozen drawers of a full size chest.

i was just riffing on your 1960's theme. the kitchen in my home is my domain. i do the cooking, and i chose the cookware and knives. my dad died when i was very young and my mom in her own torturous way, taught me to stand on my own two feet in every aspect of life. ironing, cleaning and cooking. as a byproduct, i look at gender roles with a passing sideways glance.

probably why my wife let me marry her. it was an honor.

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by vash

i was just riffing on your 1960's theme. the kitchen in my home is my domain. i do the cooking, and i chose the cookware and knives. my dad died when i was very young and my mom in her own torturous way, taught me to stand on my own two feet in every aspect of life. ironing, cleaning and cooking. as a byproduct, i look at gender roles with a passing sideways glance.

probably why my wife let me marry her. it was an honor.

Well, we are kindred spirts from different backgrounds. But yes, I do the cleaning and I'm just as well versed in the kitchen as my wife. I also do my own laundry as well as hers often enough. I don't choose the cookware, we have too much siht as it is and I'm always trying to get rid of half of it.

Descoware as it turns out is not something you throw away but I can totally do w/o it.

[vash]

Originally Posted by Zeke

Well, we are kindred spirts from different backgrounds. But yes, I do the cleaning and I'm just as well versed in the kitchen as my wife. I also do my own laundry as well as hers often enough. I don't choose the cookware, we have too much siht as it is and I'm always trying to get rid of half of it.

Descoware as it turns out is not something you throw away but I can totally do w/o it.

roger that friend!

[Baz]

Lack of respect for your belongings. And, IMHO, your belongings are an extension of you.

I can't comment past that not knowing more, but when respect is gone the rest doesn't really matter.

Hopefully she will realize she messed up and at least try to make it up to you.

Good luck going forward.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally Posted by vash

i was just riffing on your 1960's theme. the kitchen in my home is my domain. i do the cooking, and i chose the cookware and knives. my dad died when i was very young and my mom in her own torturous way, taught me to stand on my own two feet in every aspect of life. ironing, cleaning and cooking. as a byproduct, i look at gender roles with a passing sideways glance.

probably why my wife let me marry her. it was an honor.

So you make the sammiches? I kid, I kid...

I’m with you, I lived on my own long enough to learn how to take care of myself. The wife and I absolutely share duties and work together to get the job done. It’s one of the strongest qualities as our marriage, we make a great team. Except for cooking because I suck at that, but I’m good at eating so it works.

[A930Rocket]

It’s not just the tools, but having collected and used them for 45 years for both personal and work, I appreciate someone who takes care of their tools. Not me so much now, but it’s how some people make their living. If you take care of your tools, they’ll make your life/job much easier.

We are headed in different directions. Kids are grown and out of the house. Just us two, but it’s been too many years. I should have ended it years ago, but maybe I was afraid or thought she’d change. The kids say I have too much patience and I should have pulled the plug a long time ago.

Thanks for letting me rant and the advice as always.

Originally Posted by Baz

Lack of respect for your belongings. And, IMHO, your belongings are an extension of you.

I can't comment past that not knowing more, but when respect is gone the rest doesn't really matter.

Hopefully she will realize she messed up and at least try to make it up to you.

Good luck going forward.

Unfortunately, she doesn’t see anything wrong with what she did.

Originally Posted by rockaria

Dude, at least she was communicating, helping and brought you the clamp. You are the luckiest guy on the planet my friend. All I ever got was silence and abuse. She demanded things and disappeared. Never lifted a finger to help with anything. I wish my wife (Now ex-wife) was ever there for me and willing to help.

Just saying...

I was helping her with her hobby, which I’m tired of doing. If she didn’t help, I wouldn’t even bother. I’m not set up for furniture repair, but I can get it done.

Originally Posted by Zeke

Looks to me to be the HF version of a "F" clamp. If so, it isn't a tool, it's something to use to beat on something else. Give the damn thing to your wife and go buy a Bessy. If she complains about the cost of replacing a $4.99 clamp with a $29.99 clamp, then you go over the cost of her cookware.

Not the top of the line, but an Irwin clamp. It works for my needs.

Originally Posted by masraum

If you're unhappy, and you think there's only one way forward, but you're waiting because it's going to be a pain in the rear, you're probably just making it worse.

If you're this unhappy, she's probably unhappy too. If you both get more and more unhappy, my opinion is that it's just going to get more and more ugly the longer you wait.

We talked last Saturday. It was a cluster**** due to her lack of logical reasoning. It wasn’t always like this, but has gotten worse over the past few years. I’m sure we’ve both changed, but I’m done.

Originally Posted by legion

No way would my wife ever borrow a tool of mine without some discussion first. She'd use one of three approaches to start the conversation:

1. "I want to do X, how would you do it?"
2. "Do you have an X that I could borrow?"
3. "Could you do X for me?"

If she did paint over a clamp, she'd probably have it cleaned before she told me about it. If she couldn't clean it right away, she would tell me and ask how to clean it up. And honestly, I wouldn't be angry with her if she did because it would be an honest mistake that she's trying to fix.

This isn’t the first time she’s gotten paint on something i.e. paint all over a nice Bosch drill, screwdrivers, garage floors, etc. It’s not the paint itself, but her reasoning or lack of it on multiple issues that have built up over time.

[Flat Six]

Originally Posted by legion

No way would my wife ever borrow a tool of mine without some discussion first. She'd use one of three approaches to start the conversation:

1. "I want to do X, how would you do it?"
2. "Do you have an X that I could borrow?"
3. "Could you do X for me?"

If she did paint over a clamp, she'd probably have it cleaned before she told me about it. If she couldn't clean it right away, she would tell me and ask how to clean it up. And honestly, I wouldn't be angry with her if she did because it would be an honest mistake that she's trying to fix.

Legion, you found a keeper . . .

[john70t]

Originally Posted by rockaria

Dude, at least she was communicating, helping and brought you the clamp. You are the luckiest guy on the planet my friend. All I ever got was silence and abuse. She demanded things and disappeared. Never lifted a finger to help with anything. I wish my wife (Now ex-wife) was ever there for me and willing to help.

Just saying...

I agree with this. It's just a tool as she said.
Some of the most enjoyable experiences with the ex were those we did together until she changed.
Leaving paint on it was wrong but your entire relationship is infinitely more important.

As men, we have the strong "leave me alone and let me finish my work, dang it" instinct. Its strong.
It's there because we have all had a lifetime of being yelled at while at the top of the ladder.
It's there because plans have been changed twenty times until they return to the original plan.
It's there because our efforts have been marginalized and taken for granted.

Women have the strong instinct to walk into the middle of construction zones and start demanding everything be put on hold until they can be in charge.
But they also have the instinct to be good workers and capable of doing the job better and faster in some situations.
Hey think of it this way: If we had the patience, and gift of gab, we could convince them to do it and sit back to watch them do all work without lifting a finger.

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by A930Rocket

I’m sure we’ve both changed, but I’m done.

The fastest way out of that marriage is to start dating/romancing your clamp.

[Cajundaddy]

Originally Posted by A930Rocket

It’s not just the tools, but having collected and used them for 45 years for both personal and work, I appreciate someone who takes care of their tools. Not me so much now, but it’s how some people make their living. If you take care of your tools, they’ll make your life/job much easier.

We are headed in different directions. Kids are grown and out of the house. Just us two, but it’s been too many years. I should have ended it years ago, but maybe I was afraid or thought she’d change. The kids say I have too much patience and I should have pulled the plug a long time ago.

Thanks for letting me rant and the advice as always.





Unfortunately, she doesn’t see anything wrong with what she did.



I was helping her with her hobby, which I’m tired of doing. If she didn’t help, I wouldn’t even bother. I’m not set up for furniture repair, but I can get it done.




Not the top of the line, but an Irwin clamp. It works for my needs.



We talked last Saturday. It was a cluster**** due to her lack of logical reasoning. It wasn’t always like this, but has gotten worse over the past few years. I’m sure we’ve both changed, but I’m done.



This isn’t the first time she’s gotten paint on something i.e. paint all over a nice Bosch drill, screwdrivers, garage floors, etc. It’s not the paint itself, but her reasoning or lack of it on multiple issues that have built up over time.

Lets play this chess game forward a bit. You tell her it's over, both get lawyers and the skirmishes begin. She demands your 930 and your tool box in the settlement just to gouge your eyes out and now it's nuclear war. Six months later the divorce is done and the lawyers ended up with most of your life savings. You look at yourself in the mirror of your 1 BR apartment and wonder WTF did I just do???

It's an ugly business that will age you 5 years and severely drain your assets. Most relationship issues can be fixed if you want to fix them... But you have to want to fix them. Choose wisely.

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by Cajundaddy

Lets play this chess game forward a bit. You tell her it's over, both get lawyers and the skirmishes begin. She demands your 930 and your tool box in the settlement just to gouge your eyes out and now it's nuclear war. Six months later the divorce is done and the lawyers ended up with most of your life savings. You look at yourself in the mirror of your 1 BR apartment and wonder WTF did I just do???

It's an ugly business that will age you 5 years and severely drain your assets. Most relationship issues can be fixed if you want to fix them... But you have to want to fix them. Choose wisely.

It might add 5 years to your life if the stress of a bad marriage is considered. And you know what? Starting over isn't impossible. People seem to think that life is on a single track to the end.

This is just not so.

[flipper35]

Originally Posted by Zeke

Vacuums are cheap these days. You can buy all you need for a 100 bucks and if you have to go hoity toity all you need is 400.

I've seen starter sets of name brand, high end cookware at that 400 mark more than once. I just bought a toaster oven, nothing fancy, for about a buck and a quarter. A dood upright vac can be had for about the same.

Yeah, just go through the kitchen cabinets and drawers and add up the cost. You could outfit your roll away tool chest with decent chicom tools for the same amount. Knives alone can be a significant factor but from what I see women don't appreciate a good knife like a man does. Mine sure doesn't. Give her a 2 dollar knife and she's happy as long as it will cut.

I mean a dozen drawers of a full size chest.

All my wife cares is that the knife is sharp, keeps the edge and has a comfy handle. All non-serrated edges are hand washed but the saws go in the dishwasher. She did steal a good fillet knife for cutting veggies. She bought be a new one to replace it though.

[stevej37]

Originally Posted by 1990C4S

Sounds like she won't be touching your tool again.

If she does...tell her to use the color black.