It’s just a tool....

[A930Rocket]

Ms Rocket asked me to help her with a drawer to a dresser she was working on to sell. The bottom of the drawer was gone and I was making a new to fit. I also had to rebuild the drawer itself, as the dovetails were falling apart.

So, as I’m fitting and glueing everything together, I ask for one of my bar clamps. She brings one over and I’m speechless. I ask, what’s the deal with the paint?

It’s just a tool, she said....

I’ve not been happy for years and this kind of **** doesn’t help. It’s not the first time either. You don’t **** with a man’s tools.

[Alan A]

What’s the deal with the divorce?
It’s just a tool...

[GH85Carrera]

Use one of her pots or pans in the garage for some task. When she goes ballistic, say “it’s just a pan”.

[MRM]

Good tools are important, and caring for them is paramount, but you might want to consider whether you’re wound a bit too tight. It is just a clamp, and while the texture of having paint on it is annoying, the color doesn’t affect its function.

[SiberianDVM]

Would have been a whole lot easier to get off before it dried........

Reminds me: my fiance and I have our separate houses 30 miles apart but she comes over every weekend and I go there sometimes during the week since I retired. Anyway a few months back I loaned her one of my 2' bar clamps to fix a chair seat. She never brought it back.

Then I needed 2 bar clamps for a project so I called her and asked her to bring it that weekend. "What bar clamp? I brought it back". So I turned my house and shop upside down for 2 weeks looking for it. Nope. I made do with a 5' clamp but it was awkward.

About 2 months later she tripped over it in her utility room. Still took her another 2 weeks to get it back.

Never loan tools.

[A930Rocket]

Originally Posted by MRM

Good tools are important, and caring for them is paramount, but you might want to consider whether you’re wound a bit too tight. It is just a clamp, and while the texture of having paint on it is annoying, the color doesn’t affect its function.

While just a clamp, it’s a sample of what she’s done with some of my tools. Fortunately, not my good ones (they’re locked in my Matco toolbox).

What pisses me off is, if I’m working on a piece of her furniture and put a tool on it gently, she blows a head gasket and says I don’t respect her stuff. That’s why I tell her to fix it BEFORE painting it.

Obviously, our days are numbered and I’m ok with it.

Cie la vie.

[vash]

Damn. Sorry to hear.

It would appear that you are mad at your wife, and it really isn’t about the tool.

Best wishes friend.

[stomachmonkey]

[911boost]

Bummer man.

BTDT do not want too again as it is not pleasant.

Good luck.

[wdfifteen]

You have a concern, she utterly dismissed it. The tool isn’t the issue, it’s that lack of respect.

[LWJ]

Best thing I learned in college.

Conflict and communication has two levels. Level A is the thing you argue about. Paint. Level B is what the underlying message is. You treat (me) my tools poorly.

Good luck. My wife and I often talk about what the level B message is.

[1990C4S]

Originally Posted by A930Rocket

Obviously, our days are numbered and I’m ok with it.

Originally Posted by A930Rocket

You don’t **** with a man’s tools.

Sounds like she won't be touching your tool again.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally Posted by vash

Damn. Sorry to hear.

It would appear that you are mad at your wife, and it really isn’t about the tool.

Best wishes friend.

Well said. Best wishes for a happy resolution.

[flatbutt]

Originally Posted by A930Rocket

While just a clamp, it’s a sample of what she’s done with some of my tools. Fortunately, not my good ones (they’re locked in my Matco toolbox).

What pisses me off is, if I’m working on a piece of her furniture and put a tool on it gently, she blows a head gasket and says I don’t respect her stuff. That’s why I tell her to fix it BEFORE painting it.

Obviously, our days are numbered and I’m ok with it.

Cie la vie.

At least she didn't toss your shoebox full of vintage baseball cards into the garbage. AMHIK.

[1990C4S]

Seriously though, I'm in the 'wound too tight' camp, and as others have said, there's more going on here.

For your own mental health you should think about what 's really bothering you. I'm speaking from experience here....

Or you simply forgot to use the green font.

[legion]

No way would my wife ever borrow a tool of mine without some discussion first. She'd use one of three approaches to start the conversation:

1. "I want to do X, how would you do it?"
2. "Do you have an X that I could borrow?"
3. "Could you do X for me?"

If she did paint over a clamp, she'd probably have it cleaned before she told me about it. If she couldn't clean it right away, she would tell me and ask how to clean it up. And honestly, I wouldn't be angry with her if she did because it would be an honest mistake that she's trying to fix.

[vash]

Originally Posted by legion

No way would my wife ever borrow a tool of mine without some discussion first. She'd use one of three approaches to start the conversation:

1. "I want to do X, how would you do it?"
2. "Do you have an X that I could borrow?"
3. "Could you do X for me?"

If she did paint over a clamp, she'd probably have it cleaned before she told me about it. If she couldn't clean it right away, she would tell me and ask how to clean it up. And honestly, I wouldn't be angry with her if she did because it would be an honest mistake that she's trying to fix.

I have a bunch of tools, I kinda don’t consider them “mine”. If wife wants to use them, have at it. No permission necessary. I try to draw very few “lines in the sand” in my relationship. Just stuff.

[legion]

Originally Posted by vash

I have a bunch of tools, I kinda don’t consider them “mine”. If wife wants to use them, have at it. No permission necessary. I try to draw very few “lines in the sand” in my relationship. Just stuff.

My wife has many specialized tools for scrapbooking, sewing, and crafting. I ask her permission/expertise when I think I need one of her tools. I usually walk her through what I'm doing and get her judgment on whether it will damage the tool. It's what works for us.

[masraum]

If you're unhappy, and you think there's only one way forward, but you're waiting because it's going to be a pain in the rear, you're probably just making it worse.

If you're this unhappy, she's probably unhappy too. If you both get more and more unhappy, my opinion is that it's just going to get more and more ugly the longer you wait.

[Zeke]

Looks to me to be the HF version of a "F" clamp. If so, it isn't a tool, it's something to use to beat on something else. Give the damn thing to your wife and go buy a Bessy. If she complains about the cost of replacing a $4.99 clamp with a $29.99 clamp, then you go over the cost of her cookware.