.......and now I can't stand to even look at her anymore........

[asphaltgambler]

Really a sad story from a dear old friend I met for lunch, involving other people we were all friends with.

This friend, Bill whom I had lost touch with since @1997 calls me out of the blue after Christmas and asks do I remember him? Well, of course I do! I've known this guy since I was 15 years old, he's 3 years older. I really like the guy, plus he could buy beer, had a car and introduced me to some of his friends at the time. There were all slightly older, very cool. At that time he had a '63 primer-gray nova wagon with a hot 327 and a 4-speed, we'd all pile in, drink beer, smoke weed and generally tear up the back roads looking for something to get into.................and that's just what a lot of kids did back in the mid-70's in my area. Of course I could write a book just in those teenage years with the guys then, but I'll save that for another time.

Our friendship grew over the years and we always stayed in touch. When Bill was approaching his late 20's he married this local girl, somewhat attractive, but had money and a really nice home in a nice area. That only lasted 2 years or so. Turns out she was complete bi-polar and on all kinds of meds then, he couldn't fix her, so he divorced her.

Bill dates for a while, he was very good looking, hard worker, modest and very easy going, owned his own small house in the country.... so women flocked to him. He eventually meets this 'wild' girl from West Va, who was also a hairdresser...................................so 2 strikes right away....but I digress.

They get married in 1995, her second as well and she immediately talks him into moving west, selling the small house, going into debt for a much larger home on 5 acres. She wants to be closer to her family in West Va which was still 3+ hours away.

@2 years in at that home, she talks him into selling and moving into this 1 stop light town, where she grew up, start his own auto repair shop (he had always worked as a Technician for other indie shops). So he sells his home, actually makes a little money in the deal believe it or not, buys a vacant auto repair shop with a second story in that town. They live in the apartment above, he starts his business below and she starts her own 'salon' in what used to be 1st floor 'office'

So I went to see him just before they left and and had a private conversation with him. was he sure this is what he wanted? Was he sure it would work out?
He assured me it would, but at the same time her friends were there at the 'going away' party and the guys said he was making a BIG mistake doing this.

That was the last time I saw or spoke to him, always wondering if things really did work out for them both?............................................. ..............Well I found out the answer over New years when we had lunch together.

My cell phone rang with an odd number last week, I normally let it go to voicemail, but picked up anyway. The voice on the other end asked my name, did I grow up near The Plains, was my dad John? I said it was, and then he said....... 'do you remember me; Bill Al******?' YES of course!

2 of Bill's sisters live near me, and he was staying with them over the Holidays and he wanted to get in touch with me to catch up. So his sister Goolg'd me and he started calling numbers. We talked for a long time and I offered to meet for lunch, which we did a few days later at a local restaurant.

First impressions were he had aged quite a bit, he's now 65 now, but I guess we all want to remember people as they looked when we were all young. He was still in good shape though. After a few beers, I asked him how things are, how is everyone, how is Peggy (his wife)? He paused and said...............I can't stand to even look at her anymore, we don't speak, we're divorcing as soon as the weather breaks

He said as soon they moved into her 1 stop light town, he was working 12+ hour days, she only worked sporadically as high style in West Va is not a high priority. After 9 years of him slaving for pennies, she eventually just quit trying to do much of anything, just sat around and smoked weed and somehow managed to get on disability In the same time frame they had tried to have kids and she could not. So She talks him into adopting a baby from a girl she knew who was on drugs before and during the pregnancy. The child is, of course unfortunately, has some mental and physical disabilities. He's 21 now, and I'm not sure if he will ever be self-reliant.

Current chapter: They sold the building, bought 8 acres just outside of town, he started working for the state, but at very low pay. He purchased a small stick built home that was just under roof and framed. He had to finish everything himself. That was @7 years ago. Now he's done. He hates his life, can't retire anytime soon, and has to give half of everything he's worked for to her. He is very uncertain what is next after his divorce..............very sad ........

[masraum]

Wow. That sucks. It sounds like Bill's a good guy. It also sounds like Bill picks the wrong women like some women perpetually pick the wrong men.

Good luck to Bill in the future. Hopefully, once he can detangle from Peggy, his life will take a turn for the better.

[vash]

we all know a Bill.

sucks. dont be a Bill. really sucks.

[RANDY P]

The older I get, the easier it is to understand 'if it floats, flies or f***s- rent it' mentality. Many guys after a few years of marriage are literally willing to die.

People wonder why man doesn't want to marry American woman, like in this instance- looks was the only thing she might have had. That goes away then you're stuck with endless talking and questions (kill me now), foolish whims, emotional issues heightened by mood-altering drugs you have to live with every day and a general liability in all aspects of your life.

Divorce, ASAP at any cost. Quit searching for the perfect mate- ain't happening.

rjp

[speeder]

That’s a bummer story but you can’t save people from their bad decisions, even if you care about them a lot. As for Father Time, as a wise man once said, “there are only two things that can happen in life and they’re both bad. You either die young or you get old.”

Happy New Year and be grateful. Maybe you can stay in touch with him and offer some friendship when he needs it most.

[masraum]

It'd be great if he could divorce, sell his crap and then move back towards home and away from Peggy. I think that would have to be a good move.

[GH85Carrera]

Stories like that are not uncommon among some of my friends over the years. They all got married young, and all married for the wrong reasons.

I waited until later in life to get married. I fished in the vast ocean of women for many years before catching Mrs. Carrera. Dang did I land a great catch.

Bill made a long series of bad decisions. Now he is paying for them, it is a sad story.

[asphaltgambler]

^^^^^^ I asked him - if he thought he would do better by moving back to Northern Va where there is a lot of opportunity and his siblings? He said he had been with the state of West Va long enough to receive some kind of retirement and continue to work for a time.^^^^ I did give him encouragement, that there is still a lot of living to do, to be at peace is priceless. Nothing worse than growing old AND be miserable..........

[masraum]

Originally Posted by asphaltgambler

^^^^^^ I asked him - if he thought he would do better by moving back to Northern Va where there is a lot of opportunity and his siblings? He said he had been with the state of West Va long enough to receive some kind of retirement and continue to work for a time.^^^^ I did give him encouragement, that there is still a lot of living to do, to be at peace is priceless. Nothing worse than growing old AND be miserable..........

Ah, and in the position that he's in, some financial security is important.

At least he is finally making what sounds like the right decision.

[asphaltgambler]

Both his sisters offered to let him live with them, as long as he chose to do so, to get on his feet.

[herr_oberst]

He took the Bummer Road for sure. Hopefully he'll find happiness. Hopefully we'll all find or maintain happiness.

(Was that Nova a 2 door or a 4 door wagon?)

[LWJ]

I have said it repeatedly: "The best decision I made was to marry my wife."

She may be able to piss me off. But, she is a rockstar.

I just hope she doesn't get sick of me anytime soon.

[billybek]

Originally Posted by vash

we all know a Bill.

sucks. dont be a Bill. really sucks.

Hey!!!

We probably all know a guy like that. Sad that you work your whole life and cannot afford to stop working. Ever.

[creaturecat]

he should buy a nice dog and get on with it.

[Crowbob]

A college roommate and best man at my wedding became involved with a sorta hot divorced mother of two preteen boys. I was invited to the rehearsal dinner at which I took my dear friend aside and told him flat out he was making a huge mistake. I told him how much it pains me to say something like that but I felt I had to out of respect and loyalty to him. Somehow word got out to the bride. I never spoke nor was spoken to by either of them ever since-including at their wedding.

Three years later, the elder son was arrested for assaulting my friend and the wife was involuntarily hospitalized for mental illness.

I still have not heard from my friend. He has since remarried and has had, as far as I know, a very long-lasting and loving wife.

I do miss him. It’s been almost 40 years.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by Crowbob

A college roommate and best man at my wedding became involved with a sorta hot divorced mother of two preteen boys. I was invited to the rehearsal dinner at which I took my dear friend aside and told him flat out he was making a huge mistake. I told him how much it pains me to say something like that but I felt I had to out of respect and loyalty to him. Somehow word got out to the bride. I never spoke nor was spoken to by either of them ever since-including at their wedding.

Three years later, the elder son was arrested for assaulting my friend and the wife was involuntarily hospitalized for mental illness.

I still have not heard from my friend. He has since remarried and has had, as far as I know, a very long-lasting and loving wife.

I do miss him. It’s been almost 40 years.

I've heard/read over and over that it's almost always a bad idea to give that sort of news or say "Suzy/Bob is cheating on you" or in any way bad-mouth a spouse to a friend. The theory is that they never believe you, and it almost always results in bad feelings or loss of friendship.

It sounds like it's been a long time. I suspect you could reach out and you may be able to at least catch up and reacquaint. You may never return to the relationship that you had before, but I assume some would be better than none. I would just avoid any sort of "I told you so..." statements or references. I would avoid that like the plague and probably barely acknowledge if my buddy brought it up.

[vash]

Originally Posted by billybek

Hey!!!

We probably all know a guy like that. Sad that you work your whole life and cannot afford to stop working. Ever.

opps. sorry. wish we used a less common name here.

for me its like that Indiana Jones line, where he is picking the goblet. "choose wisely"

[Crowbob]

Originally Posted by masraum

I've heard/read over and over that it's almost always a bad idea to give that sort of news or say "Suzy/Bob is cheating on you" or in any way bad-mouth a spouse to a friend. The theory is that they never believe you, and it almost always results in bad feelings or loss of friendship.

It sounds like it's been a long time. I suspect you could reach out and you may be able to at least catch up and reacquaint. You may never return to the relationship that you had before, but I assume some would be better than none. I would just avoid any sort of "I told you so..." statements or references. I would avoid that like the plague and probably barely acknowledge if my buddy brought it up.

Thank you for the sage advice. Believe me, I’ve thought about it. Knowing him as well as I had, I am sure at this point, if he could forgive me he would have by now. I have little doubt he knows my intentions were good.

[asphaltgambler]

^^^ I've been down the friend advice road with that exact situation and the result was exactly the same. She got wind of it, told him I was just jealous, they both quit speaking to me. They ended up divorced, haven't seen either of them all these years later, but I was not really close to him.

Which is why I asked Bill when they (she) wanted to move to nowhere; West-by-God Va, was he sure? I said it's tough starting a business, especially in an area with no major income influence like, manufacturing, state government, etc. I never mentioned her

[manbridge 74]

Originally Posted by LWJ

I have said it repeatedly: "The best decision I made was to marry my wife."

She may be able to piss me off. But, she is a rockstar.

I just hope she doesn't get sick of me anytime soon.

Same here. Never going back.

After 15 years we’ve got each other’s backs and are both willing to “tend the garden” that is married life.