Get your stuff in order…

[Crowbob]

Originally Posted by Por_sha911

…One last thought, give those you love their roses while they are still alive. What I mean by that is to tell them you love them. Bless them with a small give, a card, something that says you appreciate them. Today may be your last chance to tell them. also give some of your stuff away now. Things you know they want. Get the joy of watching them enjoy it.

Plus they invite you over for pizza and beer and sometimes for the holidays, even.

I’ll unexpectedly drop something fairly valuable on somebody and they don’t know how to act. Pretty funny, actually.

[3rd_gear_Ted]

Prop 13 in SoCal was the legal affairs driver for our family since its inception. If the home is not in a family trust upon passing of the family owner, the home gets reappraised to current market values and the corresponding new tax rate. For most folks in SoCal, that could be a tax hit of > $1M in valuation.
When our kids were children, we created a family password to be used to verify anything family related, That PW is now used on my whole life insurance policy, 401K & my pension account.
Having all this in place gives me the peace of mind to work on my funeral playlist.

[matthewb0051]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

A co-worker's brother passed away in Willcox, AZ. Sheriff's deputy did a welfare check after he stopped responding in a text conversation.

My father died 5 years ago next month. Right after Easter that year we had limited contact, playing phone tag for about 2 weeks. I sent an email on Sunday night that I knew that he would absolutely reply to. The next morning when I didn't receive an email I sent the police around. Got the call about a 30 minutes after I called the PD.

As for his affairs: the will was executed in 1985 when he was on wife #2 (of nearly 4). It named her children as his children and a few other bits that caused issues. Issues that would have been avoided with just a new will. It took looking at state law regarding divorce and wills to prevent folks long gone from his life from inheriting anything.

On a funny note; he had kept every owners manual from everything he owned. Blender, lawn mowers, waffle iron, TV, and on an on. It was funny and a PITA all in one.

[flatbutt]

Originally Posted by GH85Carrera

We went back to his office and my wife and I had him write up our wills, advanced directives, and so on. In Oklahoma like all states the legislature is rife with attorneys and they protect their profession. A "boilerplate" legal document or contract is just a rough guide, and not enforceable if anyone at all challenges it. If the document was not prepared by an attorney, it is pretty much useless in court, and the judge, by statute, will throw it out if pressed.

I used a CELA. It was expensive as heck but the house and my portfolio are both protected and my legacy is very clearly defined. Flatbutt II and Flabuttette get everything 50/50.

[flipper35]

We just went through this with my brother in law. He was pretty young and had nothing planned for if anything happened to him.

In our case, my mother in law's husband tried his best to make everything worse.

[Por_sha911]

Originally Posted by Crowbob

I’ll unexpectedly drop something fairly valuable on somebody and they don’t know how to act.

The older I get, the more I enjoy giving stuff away. I'm not wasteful or am I getting eccentric but but there are lots of little things (under $1000) that I used to hold tightly but now think "hey, I really don't use this and never look at it, I bet ___ would love this..." Along those lines, I'd rather donate to Habitat For Humanity than yard sale stuff.

[herr_oberst]

Originally Posted by matthewb0051

On a funny note; he had kept every owners manual from everything he owned. Blender, lawn mowers, waffle iron, TV, and on an on. It was funny and a PITA all in one.

I do that. Every once in a while I go through and bin the ones that are no longer needed.

It's been handy quite a few times, but really it's just another of the loose screws I deal with on a daily basis.

[ramonesfreak]

I keep every owners manual for every thing in binders inside plastic sleeves. One binder for electronics. One for household stuff…from lawn mower to ovens. I do this so my wife can figure out how to turn the tv on and off if I croak

[astrochex]

LWJ, its wonderful what you are doing for the daughter of the deceased.

[stomachmonkey]

General conversations about this stuff is also important.

My father died the same day as my wife's grandmother and it was my daughters 7th birthday that coming weekend so there was a bit of urgency to get everyone in the ground and put on happy faces by the end of the week.

My father had always kept his dress blues in a cedar closet like he was preserving a priceless antique.

We found out after it was too late, he wanted to be buried in them.

So now I have them and don't know what to do with them other than look at them and feel guilt.

[Rick Lee]

I had an appt yesterday it a total ghetto where the son said his father died at 52 with no life insurance and the funeral cost crushed the family. At 52 a small final expense policy would have been dirt cheap. Son wanted to make sure the same thing didn't happen when his mom passed, and she's not in great shape.

[Por_sha911]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

So now I have them and don't know what to do with them other than look at them and feel guilt.

In your mind, talk to your dad and apologize. He'll say "Its OK, I don't need them anymore". Next, pass them on as a family heirloom to honor him. Write a short note so future generations will know what your dad did to serve his country.

[wildthing]

For those who haven't started: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwiApLKH_aL3AhUDH0QIHaT8DpMQFnoECAYQAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fg.foolcdn.com%2Fimg%2Feditorial% 2Fexternal_m%2FPDFs%2FDeadLetterChecklist.PDF&usg=AOvVaw1zfOfgKkKhDb7Mb9jpKgJQ

[Por_sha911]

Don't be 'that guy' who procrastinates and burdens your loved ones with no plans, no will, no direction on what to do.

[gacook]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

General conversations about this stuff is also important.

My father died the same day as my wife's grandmother and it was my daughters 7th birthday that coming weekend so there was a bit of urgency to get everyone in the ground and put on happy faces by the end of the week.

My father had always kept his dress blues in a cedar closet like he was preserving a priceless antique.

We found out after it was too late, he wanted to be buried in them.

So now I have them and don't know what to do with them other than look at them and feel guilt.

That's sad. And Por_sha911's idea is a great one, I think.

[Rtrorkt]

I have had a lesson in just this. A very good friend, robust, weigh lifter always on the idea has passed. His colleague called my in late Jan to ask that I call him since he believed our friend was somehow not right. I did call and came away with the same thought. After a very long story, he was diagnosed with the equivalent of mad cow which has two words you never want to hear together, progressive and fatal. He went from going to the Rams/49’s playoff game to passed away in 6 weeks.

Do what you can today to live to the fullest. This was a shock beyond all shocks.

[stomachmonkey]

Originally Posted by gacook

That's sad. And Por_sha911's idea is a great one, I think.

One thing we did get right.

My father collected and restored antique MB’s

Had 15 at one point

My brother and I were in the shop he’d built at his house for doing the work

We spot a 4 inch perfectly mint tri star trunk badge hanging on the wall

We looked at each other and honest to god without a word to each other i grabbed it while he grabbed a rubber mallet

We took it to the funeral home and hammered it into the foot end of dads casket

On the day of the wake every single person who walked up to pay their respects saw it and each one cracked a little smile in acknowledgement

[LWJ]

Update on me/ Daughter of buddy.

Getting the estate all tidied up. Mrs. LWJ is an absolute GIFT of organization.

And the poor Daughter? She is 21, has some disabilities, and has nobody in this world.

It breaks my heart.

Fortunately, my family has the bandwidth to assume some level of familial care for her. Not sure what this means, as we are 4 days in. I am humbled. It is actually wonderful to have such a huge responsibility and purpose. I know what I need to do. It is a great lesson in community.

While I have spent the last few years holed up in my home, dreaming of retirement, motorcycles, and fly fishing; it is more meaningful to give her safety and comfort.

While not my choice (I didn’t realize I was the executor, nor did my Buddy. But that is a different story) it isn’t impossible.

Thanks all for the support. I didn’t intend this to be a “hey, look how cool I am” post.

There are times when we all step up. It is just what we do.

Be well.

[stomachmonkey]

Originally Posted by LWJ

Update on me/ Daughter of buddy.

Getting the estate all tidied up. Mrs. LWJ is an absolute GIFT of organization.

And the poor Daughter? She is 21, has some disabilities, and has nobody in this world.

It breaks my heart.

Fortunately, my family has the bandwidth to assume some level of familial care for her. Not sure what this means, as we are 4 days in. I am humbled. It is actually wonderful to have such a huge responsibility and purpose. I know what I need to do. It is a great lesson in community.

While I have spent the last few years holed up in my home, dreaming of retirement, motorcycles, and fly fishing; it is more meaningful to give her safety and comfort.

While not my choice (I didn’t realize I was the executor, nor did my Buddy. But that is a different story) it isn’t impossible.

Thanks all for the support. I didn’t intend this to be a “hey, look how cool I am” post.

There are times when we all step up. It is just what we do.

Be well.

My son is on the spectrum.

His sister loves him like a mother loves a son and we know she will always look after him but we didn’t want to unnecessarily burden her with it which is why he has a blood trust and we have lined up our financial advisors, a law firm, and an accounting firm to advise her. She has final say but she has professionals to advise and guide her.

We were not leaving it up to chance that we’d have a Mensch like you to step up and do the right thing.

You exemplify what we should all strive to be.

Much respect and thank you for stepping up.

[Bill Douglas]

Talk about getting things in order. When my mom died and my sisters and I went through her stuff and we found three boxes with our names on them, with all her important things and photos evenly divided up. Her death was completely unexpected but maybe she knew something that we didn't know.