Let me know your preferred pronouns if I can’t tell by your gender by your name

[cantdrv55]

This might get parfd, I don’t know. Anyway, my wife wrote to my son’s school principal and that person wrote back. Below her signature are her preferred pronouns. Her name is Brianna. I have no doubt that her pronouns are she/her. Brianna copied her colleague who then wrote back to my wife and did not include his or her pronouns. I have no friggin idea if that person is a male or female because the name is foreign. I think that’s about the only time disclosing your pronouns make any sense.

What are your thoughts about this?

[Arizona_928]

Originally Posted by cantdrv55

This might get parfd, I don’t know. Anyway, my wife wrote to my son’s school principal and that person wrote back. Below her signature are her preferred pronouns. Her name is Brianna. I have no doubt that her pronouns are she/her. Brianna copied her colleague who then wrote back to my wife and did not include his or her pronouns. I have no friggin idea if that person is a male or female because the name is foreign. I think that’s about the only time disclosing your pronouns make any sense.

What are your thoughts about this?

It's portcha pronounced porsche. They/them

[ckissick]

That happens to me a lot. Usually, it's an Asian person requesting a proposal, which begins, "Dear Mr. [or] Ms. XXX". I google the name and see if pics of men or women come up and go from there.

[red 928]

That's why they invented the
names sport, pal, ace, chief etc.

[oldE]

Easy for you. Or maybe not.
My given name is Leslie, like Leslie Nielson, or maybe many women with the same name. I have received post addressed to Mrs. Leslie .... Ok, I had a neighbour names Shirley (m) as well as a SIL and a niece with the same name. Edith used to be a man's name. How about Connie, my old class mate (m) or the singer of the same name(f).

Here's a radical strategy: call them by their name.

Life can indeed be complicated. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Best
Les
(he, him)

[GH85Carrera]

Originally Posted by red 928

That's why they invented the
names sport, pal, ace, chief etc.

My old boss taught me a neat trick. He was as bad about forgetting names of people he met as I was. Just shake their hands and call them "easy money" and act like you are best friends. No one gets offended by a nick name of easy money when said with a big friendly smile.

I don't think it helps much in a letter or email however.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by cantdrv55

This might get parfd, I don’t know. Anyway, my wife wrote to my son’s school principal and that person wrote back. Below her signature are her preferred pronouns. Her name is Brianna. I have no doubt that her pronouns are she/her. Brianna copied her colleague who then wrote back to my wife and did not include his or her pronouns. I have no friggin idea if that person is a male or female because the name is foreign. I think that’s about the only time disclosing your pronouns make any sense.

What are your thoughts about this?

But if you tell foreign folks that you can't tell what they are by their name so you need to know, then you're not exhibiting "inclusive" behavior. And while that reads as if it should be green, my answer is based on policies in a large corporate environment.

I have traveled internationally, and have been working with all sorts of folks for years. When I see other types of people, I just see people, but I appreciate talking to and learning about folks with different backgrounds and cultures.

So I've found it interesting when I see things that say that telling someone they speak excellent English is apparently a bad thing that might make someone feel bad. I would never want to make someone feel bad in that way. I would NEVER in a million years have thought that complimenting someone would be a bad thing. I can see how "you're doing a great job for a woman" is bad, but I can't see how telling someone that is not a native English speaker that their English is great is a bad thing.

I work in IT in a HUGE company. We have LOTS of foreign folks from all over, but especially folks from India. It's almost impossible for me to determine the gender of Indian given names. I even asked someone how I could tell, and I was told that "if the name ends with an A, that's (often but not always) and indication of a feminine name." But not all feminine names end in A, and not all names that end in A are feminine.

I have adopted not using any pronouns in those cases.

[dad911]

Good thing I'm 60, I don't think I could take another lifetime of this BS.

I'm thinking of legally changing my first name to Dilligas.

https://www.slang.org/dilligas-meaning-definition/

[masraum]

Originally Posted by red 928

That's why they invented the
names sport, pal, ace, chief etc.

I used to address emails with "Gents" (assuming all male names), but I've converted to starting almost all emails with "Folks" or avoiding pronouns when I'm not sure.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by oldE

Easy for you. Or maybe not.
My given name is Leslie, like Leslie Nielson, or maybe many women with the same name. I have received post addressed to Mrs. Leslie .... Ok, I had a neighbour names Shirley (m) as well as a SIL and a niece with the same name. Edith used to be a man's name. How about Connie, my old class mate (m) or the singer of the same name(f).

Here's a radical strategy: call them by their name.

Life can indeed be complicated. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Best
Les
(he, him)

Exactly. Use their name, a gender neutral reference (folks, or no pronoun at all if possible.

[craigster59]

The emails I get from people in film that that put their pronouns in the signature line has increased exponentially over the last year.

The majority are He/Him and She/Her but I've gotten a few They/Them's.

I'm thinking of putting one on mine, Up/Yours.

[RNajarian]

My given name is Raffi, a traditional Armenian male name. Growing up in Chesterland Ohio there were three races, white, African American, and Asian (then referred to as “Oriental” which has now fallen out of favor.) Very few had heard the name Raffi.

In grade school I remember a teacher once asking me “What the hell kind of name is Raffi?”
My reply “My name.”

Occasionally I would receive correspondence with the salutation Miss. or Ms. Normally I would pay it no matter. If needed I would correct the sender. After I turned 26 the salutation changed to the gender neutral Dr. and I haven’t had any “problems” since.

My college where I teach has the option to put He/Him, She/Her, They/Them in our email signature lines and under our name in Zoom meetings. I’m not interested to add my identification mainly because it is pretty obvious which team I play for by looking at my profile photo.

When in doubt I will either address an individual by given and sir name or at the college I can add the salutation “Professor” or “Doctor.” Military correspondence makes it easy because everyone has a gender neutral rank. Civilians always seem to put their correct salutation in their signature line.

If I ever get a Miss., Ms., or Mr. salutation wrong, I apologize, ask what is the proper title then move on.

[vash]

i have a list on my table. names of folks i am going to interview. there is one: GEORGE i think i have nailed down with respect to gender. but now i am not so sure.

the rest is like a roster for a UN council meeting. i love the diversity, but i cant pronouce any of them. i'm going with "easy money".^^

[john70t]

Originally Posted by masraum

I used to address emails with "Gents" (assuming all male names), but I've converted to starting almost all emails with "Folks" or avoiding pronouns when I'm not sure.

When I grew up, "sir" or "madam" were formal salutations to people I respected. They were honorable titles.

I know that times have changed and people are more sensitive to whatever new identity they have, and I try to be respectful/accommodate especially when it is obvious, but what about a man dressed as a woman who identifies as a man?

The forest can get lost through the trees. Mistakes happen. Freak out at me over anything and then I tend lose any original respect. Some people go out into the world looking for a fight.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by craigster59

The emails I get from people in film that that put their pronouns in the signature line has increased exponentially over the last year.

The majority are He/Him and She/Her but I've gotten a few They/Them's.

I'm thinking of putting one on mine, Up/Yours.

Where I work, they sent an email out to everyone "inviting" us to add our pronouns if we want. It has gained some adoption, but it's not widespread.

[vash]

Originally Posted by RNajarian

My given name is Raffi, .

i have always loved that name. had a friend in highschool named Raffi.

if i had a son, i would have gone with a Japanese name. hahah..maybe Kenji or something.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by john70t

When I grew up, "sir" or "madam" were formal salutations to people I respected. They were honorable titles.

I know that times have changed and people are more sensitive to whatever new identity they have, and I try to be respectful/accommodate especially when it is obvious, but what about a man dressed as a woman who identifies as a man?

The forest can get lost through the trees. Mistakes happen. Freak out at me over anything and then I tend lose any original respect. Some people go out into the world looking for a fight.

With folks that I know well or with folks that I feel I'm pretty safe using them, I'll use sir/ma'am. Around here (very rural Texas), you're pretty safe in most cases using sir/ma'am.

[Tobra]

If they care, they can tell me about it.

Until then it is no sir and no ma'am

[Superman]

[vash]

I'm with Tobra. if they let me know, good to go.

until then, sorry for stepping on anyone's sensitive bits.