Dad… it’s not good

[unclebilly]

My dad fell 3 weeks ago today and broke his hip. Luckily, his neighbor stopped in the check on him. He was lying on the floor unable to get up and had been for hours. His blood sugar was at 14 after lying there probably most of the day. This tells me it was in the mid-high 20s when he fell which of course affects his balance.

He had surgery 2 days later and is still in the hospital. It took nearly a week to come out of a delirium. A week ago, they moved him to a transitional floor and are doing rehab when they can (he’s complaining of extreme pain in his ankle).

I spoke with him again today, he’s still totally confused. He asked me to get him out of there despite being completely unable to walk still.

It’s looking more and more like he won’t be returning home but we’ll see.

It’s heart wrenching, he’s only 80, and we knew this was coming. It’s part of his right to live at risk as opposed to living in an assisted living facility (or taking the help with his sugars control) where he likely wouldn’t have fallen.

At least now, he knows why is is there and what happened. Before the surgery, he didn’t believe his hip was broken and was quite confused as to where he was, why he was there, and how he got there. Also he hasn’t really acknowledged that his neighbor likely saved his life. I’d been trying to call him all day and would have called the police the next morning if I didn’t get him.

[KFC911]

I'm very sorry UB .... the "circle of life" ain't easy. My dad will be 87 soon .... I hope he makes it .... and wonder ???

Best to you and your dad!

[flatbutt]

Sorry Billy, that's one of the only things that scares me. Be strong bro.

[rfuerst911sc]

An unfortunate situation but live long enough and it's part of life . Support him the best you can and be thankful you have professionals to help with rehab . Hang in there .

[blucille]

I’m not sure why his known blood sugar of 14 would relate to mid 20’s hours before.

Is the mg/dl? Either way , it doesn’t sound good.

Whatever the case, he should be wearing a blood glucose monitor and have it sync to his cell phone and send you any critical alerts, of course pending a recovery and some form of return to independent living at some level. Which is what we are all rooting for.

[Seahawk]

UB I am so sorry. I just went through this five months ago with a friend of mine....lives alone, fell and broke his hip. He was on the floor about 24 hours. It was a mess.

His daughter called me and said Steve wasn't picking up the phone. Frankly, while I am stalwart in many things, being the first on the scene with in this scenario isn't it: We did a Wellness Check with the local EMT/Police and they could not have been better.

Some advise that may or may not be applicable (I know you know but it often helps to restate the obvious):

- Steve is an addict (bagged and tagged legally with Oxy and others stuff while in the Navy) and his diet was atrocious. The time in the hospital was actually very beneficial in that regard. He is only 68 and he was still in the hospital for 8 days. It may be a bit for your Pops as well. Extend as long as insurance/Canada HC allows and then make sure he get as much physical therapy he can.

- In home care a few hours a day. He now does "Visiting Angels" three times a week for three hours: light house keeping, meal prep, errands. I just couldn't do it. It isn't cheap but it may work for you Dad.

- "I Have Fallen and I Can't Get Up". Get one regardless of where he ends up living.

- Steve lies about moving. He was all for moving into the really nice VA place here until he got back to his place. He then became an immovable object.

There is more but I just want to offer that he is going to need care on the hip incision, some "tools" (I recommend "Dudes Wipes" and a wand - sorry to be indelicate) and a rental hospital bed in the short term. They can be had for next to nothing and are a real difference maker.

All the best.

[72doug2,2S]

Dad just turned 87 and is a lanky 6'1". We worry about falls too. Dad had a mini stroke and doesn't know much after lunch. Fortunately, mom is younger and more amble.

The last time we were there he stepped up on a couch to fix a blind as the sun was in his eye, he toppled over backwards onto the floor, luckily no damage done despite knocking over a glass coffee table.

[oldE]

Billy, I am sorry you are going through this. You knew tough times were coming and it must feel like your worst fears have come true. Best case scenario is you can now get him into care. We went through something similar with the MIL. It will seem to take forever and all your energy, but there will be an end.

Hang in.
Les

[billybek]

Sorry to hear about this, Scott.
This is the trigger that will most likely lead to assisted living for your dad. It sounds as though that isn't a bad thing.

[unclebilly]

Over the past 5+ years he has shut off the home support numerous times then it gets reactivated when something bad happens.

4 weeks ago, he had registered nurses coming twice a day to help with his meds and home support coming in once a day to cook him a meal.

He had meals on wheels coming 3 times a week with food (suspended while he’s in the hospital), a lifeline (he got mad because it kept going off whenever he fell so he got rid of it), and he refuses to take his meds regularly (or at all sometimes). When he doesn’t control his sugars, the blood sugar sits between 24 and 28. He also refuses to eat sensible foods for a diabetic.

He has no family within 600 miles so this doesn’t help matters either.

Once he is in a nursing home, we will move him closer. He won’t do this voluntarily as he doesn’t realize just how bad things are.

We’ve tried everything and are on the downward spiral. There is no fairy tail ending in this but with him closer, atleast we can see him regularly in his last few years. Also perhaps he will start to get to know his only grandchildren (my kids).

We have 4 things at play here:

1. Stubbornness.
2. Diabetes
3. Dementia.
4. Broken hip.

I’m upset with it all but my hands are tied. Everything we’ve setup over the years gets turned off. We want the best for him but he certainly isn’t making it easy on anyone (especially himself).

[masraum]

I'm sorry, UB. I don't have any advice for you. My dad passed young (57), and had some mild cognitive issues, but my mom dealt with them and they weren't dangerous. You see the stuff from time to time that talks about how we start out as children and end up kind of like children, needing to be taken care of, not necessarily to be trusted, etc.... It sounds like your dad has reached that point and are (as most of those things allude to) having to now become the parent which has to be very stressful at a distance.

It sounds like the best thing for his well-being would be for him to be put into some sort of care facility or taken somewhere that someone could care for him (family, paid folks, whatever). Of course, that's a whole different sort of stressful, I'm sure. And while that might be better for him having his blood sugar monitored/maintained, health checks, food, etc..., it may not be best for him mentally (or maybe the regulated blood sugar would be an improvement).

Good luck and prayers for you, your dad, and your family, sir.

[steveo12345]

My Mom went through this when she broke her hip. The anesthesia is really bad on elderly people. After the surgery to repair her hip I thought she may have had a stoke. The surgeon was great and reassured me that it was typical. It was about two weeks before her mind started to return to normal and she knew what was going on.

[billybek]

We went through some similar circumstances with my parents, Scott. Setting up home care and endless hours trying to get help only to find that the help was being sent away at the door.
We could only do so much.

[Crowbob]

My mother passed away one week prior to the probate competency hearing to have me be appointed her guardian. I, being retired, was in the process of preparing one of the rooms in my house for her 200 miles from her own home, which was nearly uninhabitable. The paperwork (medical opinions, testimonials, documents, etc.) was set to go.

She had no idea any of this was happening.

The stress was unbelievable. I have no advice other than to stay strong, recruit help for the small stuff and know you are doing the right thing.

[stealthn]

So sorry you are going through this Scott!

I went through almost the same thing with my father until he passed. The dementia went from light to severe in about a year, luckily we got him into a care facility before it got severe.

If you ever need to talk just pm me.

[Evans, Marv]

I'm very sorry to hear about your dad & the expriences of some others here. Also these kinds of stories kind of scare the crap out of me since I'm 80 now. Just to be able to say that scares a person. Your dads & others are lucky to have those of you who can attend to them.

[Noah930]

Billy,

Sorry to hear of your dad's (and your) tough times. But the delirium and confusion can very likly be temporary. Older folks frequently get that way in the hospital from medications, fatigue, change of familiar scenery. Nurses call it sundowning; as patients get tired as the afternoon/evening wears on, they get more confused and even combative. But give them some time for them to recover, and it goes away. Best of luck to your dad.

[sc_rufctr]

You have my sympathy.

My mother who's 84 can barely get off the couch on her own.

[Chocaholic]

An unfortunate fact of life as we get older. Went through similar a couple years ago, first mom…then dad. I miss them both terribly. They occasionally show up in dreams.

Hang in there…he needs you now more than ever.

[cstreit]

It sounds like you're doing everything you can and doing a really hard balance between granting his need for some personal agency even knowing he's hurting himself. There is no right answer of course and I'm really sorry you have to make those choices. They're impossible.

Do you best and focus on doing what you can reasonably do.