Snitches get stitches ?

[fastfredracing]

Long story short. My oldest son ( 19) away at tech school , snitched on someone for breaking dorm rules . He is trying to keep his nose clean and get through this program without any troubles . I guess, had this guy got caught , all the roommates would be held liable , and would lead to expulsion .
So , this has led to him now being threatened by the kid and some of his buddies, and now , he is kind of the target of the floor of the dorms . He says , people are spreading rumours about him , and harrassing him . He told me he is scared .
I tried to have a heart to heart with him, and mentioned that my policy has always been that no good comes from snitching about anything.
Unless you have taken some sort of oath , hold a public office , or some ones well being is at stake, its not your place, mind you bidness , keep your head down, shoulders up , and stay focused on your own path . Everything else is just background noise .
Whats your policy? if you see something , do you say something, or keep a blind eye and move on ?
Another one of those societal ethics quandries

[masraum]

I suppose the answer is "depends".

Does it impact me?
What is the impact to others?
What is the impact to the folks doing it vs impact of what they are doing?
etc...

[Scott Douglas]

Sounds to me like the 'roommates' don't have as much to loose from an expulsion as your son does.

Maybe they need to be educated about that.

[stealthn]

I got fired from Safeway at 16 for not telling on my coworkers who were stealing/ eating food on the night shift.

[cockerpunk]

depends on the situation, and crime, and the context of the crime.

breaking dorm rules seems like a silly thing to get worked up about.

[Scott Douglas]

Not if breaking the dorm rules will get you expelled.

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by Scott Douglas

Not if breaking the dorm rules will get you expelled.

eh, "dorm rules" implies that it wasnt even a crime. and most crimes 19 year olds commit arnt even real. like, who cares? lol.

also something isnt adding up if whatever rule the kids broke was enough to expel the kids, but somehow retaliation for telling on them isnt?

all depends on the issue, and the context around it.

[Scott Douglas]

You must have more money than sense @cockerpunk.

If my kid had broken a 'dorm rule' and gotten expelled from school I'd have disowned him.

As far as I know, they don't refund tuition for expelled students.

And who's to say retaliation won't get them expelled if brought to light of the administration?

[911 Rod]

Did he tell you what his mate did and what he got for it?

[berettafan]

Snitches get stitches...yes i generally agree with that sentiment. However if your son would've been expelled otherwise and had no choice then that is on the offenders for putting him in that position.

Obviously this is for small things and doesn't apply to physical or serious mental abuse. As OP suggests there is nuance that is hard to communicate.

[David Inc.]

Your son at BYU or something?

It really depends. If something a roommate does could get you expelled, it's enough to warrant snitching. Snitching is always going to make you a target, though, even if it's done in self defense.

I can't imagine what it would take to get expelled. I got caught for some **** and all I had to do was go to sensitivity and drug/alcohol classes.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by Scott Douglas

You must have more money than sense @cockerpunk.

Since CP is a self-made man, he wouldn't concern himself with college or the potential benefits of completing college. He certainly wouldn't be concerned with expulsion. He doesn't need that silly old college anyway. He'd probably just argue the college into submission with his superior intellect and logic.

[KFC911]

Hmmm ... need more specifics methinks. "What" exactly did they do, and what did he do?

Dorm rules ... LOL

Don't mean to make light of that aspect Fred... what's done is done.

So now what? Tough situatuon for him now .... regardless.

Yeah, we broke rules, laws, and a whole bunch of stuff in college ... no harm was done ... we were lucky ... nothing more.

Good luck and best to him .... he's yer kid .... he'll figure it out ... mistakes made us what we are today.

No real advice .... just best wishes...

[creaturecat]

state the dorm rule.

ex:
smoking weed in the bathroom? stitches
lighting fires in wastepaper basket? compromising safety? no stitches

[Seahawk]

My Father went to West Point and this is how I was raised:



He brooked none of my substantial BS when I was growing up...and I pushed more envelopes than the Postal Service. Don't like the rules, change them.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by Seahawk

My Father went to West Point and this is how I was raised:



He brooked none of my substantial BS when I was growing up...and I pushed more envelopes than the Postal Service. Don't like the rules, change them.

Agree 100% with that sign. But what were the "dorm rules" broken?

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by Scott Douglas

You must have more money than sense @cockerpunk.

If my kid had broken a 'dorm rule' and gotten expelled from school I'd have disowned him.

As far as I know, they don't refund tuition for expelled students.

And who's to say retaliation won't get them expelled if brought to light of the administration?

what are you talking about? no, this is a legitimate question.

we are talking about his kid, snitching on someone else. not his kid doing things to get expelled.

try reading instead of trying to peacock around an internet forum like some righteous tough guy lol.

[Tishabet]

Originally Posted by berettafan

Snitches get stitches...yes i generally agree with that sentiment. However if your son would've been expelled otherwise and had no choice then that is on the offenders for putting him in that position.

This is the stance that makes sense to me if my understanding is correct that your son would have been expelled if/when the roommate got caught. In that situation, through no fault of his own, he now has a dog in the fight... "snitches" in my mind are a neutral party and sounds like that was not the case here.

But, if your son snitched which presumably led to the guilty party being caught, how is that kid still there to threaten your son? Perhaps your son's understanding of the penalties ("had this guy got caught, all the roommates would be held liable , and would lead to expulsion") were incorrect?

FWIW I went to a college with a strict honor code (which you signed etc) and a violation could (and often did) result in expulsion. I know this is not apples to apples but I just went back and reviewed the text, the standard for you to be in the clear if you witness a violation from someone else is to "take appropriate action" followed by five examples of appropriate action depending on the severity. The last one is to report them to faculty, the first one is to confront the person about it. It is easy for me to say this from the comfort of my armchair (and it is possible your son did this) but seems like step one would be confronting the roommate and plainly stating that they are putting your son at risk and demanding they stop, step two is looking to change rooms or roommates, and last step if other options are exhausted would be snitching.

[Billiam 911 2.8]

Bad enough that PARF allows a free for all on personal attacks. Can we avoid this here?

[KFC911]

Still wanna know the "rule" that was broken.

GF spending the night?
Beer in the fridge ... drinkingvat 20 yrs 11 months?
Weed?
Growing a 3" pot plant?
.... college kid stuff...

or ????