The Circle is almost Complete

[Racerbvd]

Most of us, understand that we are in a circle of life. When we are small, our parents take care of us, most of our lives, they are an important influence, they shape us, they mold us to become who we are. They are our solid foundation.

Yet, at some point in time, our roles reverse, some faster than others, and depending upon the foundation, what direction we go:

Sadly, some of our brothers have completed their circle.

The circle I’m speaking of is the fact that our parents literally start off by whipining our asses until we have to take care of them.

[RNajarian]

Yes, you are right Racerbvd.

I do have a sweet anecdote . . .

My dad passed away in 2023 after 93 years. He was an orthopedic surgeon. When I was a kid (10-13 ish) he would take me on rounds with him at the hospital when he would see and treat patients. I remember his favorite gag was when he was setting someone’s arm. The process involved smoothing out the plaster with his hands to form the cast. As he was finishing up the process he sternly asked me to remove the plaster off the patient’s nose.

I looked and there was no plaster. “Dad there isn’t any.”

He raised his voice and said, “You can’t see it? It’s right there!”

“Dad, I can’t see it.”

He raised his voice a little more and said, “Are you blind? It’s RIGHT THERE!” Using his finger covered with plaster touched the nose of the patient and said “See it now?”

Fast forward 50 years, dad health was beginning to fail and I needed to take an impression of his teeth. My 12 year old son was helping.

“Son, wipe that alginate (impression material) off grandpa’s nose.”

“Dad, I don’t see any.”

“Are you blind, it’s right there, wipe it off.”

“Dad, Where?”

. . . and with my gloved hand coated with alginate I touched dad’s nose and said “Right there.”

Despite having a mouth full of alginate dad managed smile and a twinkle in his eye as I pulled his gag. That twinkle quickly developed into tears for both of us.

He died two months later.

[oldE]

Oh man, we are right there with you. My MIL has been in care for over two years now. Diminished mobility progressed to loss of motor control. Now she needs help most days getting food to her mouth. Watching this woman, who was so dynamic, lose everything but her mind, is so hard for all of us who love her..
But that is life. She is ready and to some extent, this journey is helping us to prepare for the time she is no longer with us.

All the best, my brothers.
Les

[LWJ]

We are moving my MIL into smaller and simpler housing this or next month. She is beginning to slide. She is easily the most loved person I have ever met. While she is sometimes a bit of a dingbat, she is adorable. This is going to suck. We have four more parents after her...

[GH85Carrera]

I know the experience. My mom died first and dad took care of her to the end after 54 years of marriage.

His cardiologist talked him into a replacement heart valve at age 82. The surgeon said the operation was a success, but he is not doing well. He was gasping for air and was on pure oxygen. After a couple of weeks in the hospital they said he had to leave, and he put him in a nursing home as I was working on a big project at the office. I went to see him and instantly knew I had to get him out of there and the smell of stale urine was overwhelming. He was put in a concrete block room that was small, and he had a roommate. Zero privacy, and he hated the food there. I reached out to all my friends and asked for recommendations.

I had to be a bit a jerk to the place he was in to get them to agree to let me move him to a much better place. It had no bad smells and he loved the food there. The incision was not healing and it had an infection, likely from that first place. I had to find a wound care hospital, and a friend said there is one above all the rest. I had him transferred there and he had a private room with a nice view. He really liked the staff and they seem to care about him.

When he was near the end he said something to me that let me know he was ready. He said. "A man should not have to live like this" as he was gasping for breath with 100% oxygen going to his nostrils. All I could do was hold back the tears, and agree. He died a few days later.

[fastfredracing]

Been struggling with this. We just had to put my dad in a nursing home . My mom, lives in the house at my shop property and although she is doing really well at her age, I keep trying to have the talk with her about eventually moving in with me , or my sister .
I lost my wife, and basically my dad, and I can see the end of the road not that far off for moms . Its a weird feeling being alone per se. Cherish every moment you get with your family .
I moved my parents in here 17 years ago . I have no regrets . I saw my mom and dad almost every day of my life for almost the last 2 decades, and they were both an integral part of my childrens lives also .

I don't like this part of life at all man..

[onewhippedpuppy]

I’m on the cusp of this as well. Mom is still mentally sharp but broke her leg a year ago and walks with leg braces, she’s taken a big hit on mobility. Dad has a pacemaker and a host of other health issues, still physically gets around well but shows signs of decline mentally. They still get out and do things but that probably won’t last for too many more years. They live about 2.5 hours away, fortunately my brother is local. We have a decent relationship but I wouldn’t call us close, it’s not contentious we are just very different people. Definitely wouldn’t move them into my house for a host of reasons. So I’m not sure how this all pans out. Sucks though, that’s for sure.

[911 Rod]

I always say our life is made up of 4 seasons that are 20 years long beginning with spring.
After 60 our life is like winter and most of us here are in that season.
Past 80 we have to admit we are on borrowed time and there are no more seasons left.

[flipper35]

My dad is still doing OK at 83 considering his diabetes and heart bypass but the stress of dealing with mom has been very hard on him lately. We (wife, sister dad, me) toured a couple memory care facilities for mom to reside. She gets very emotional and angry with her dementia and sometimes quite violent. Oddly, she is a peach with a margarita in her but that is not a good way to medicate her. I know there isn't much time left with her, but it is a very hard time dealing with her disease.

[NY65912]

Life is a bell curve

[id10t]

It also isnt a flat circle either ...

My mom certainly helped us with raising our three and they are helping her now (14, 21, 24 and mom is 88)

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by 911 Rod

I always say our life is made up of 4 seasons that are 20 years long beginning with spring.
After 60 our life is like winter and most of us here are in that season.
Past 80 we have to admit we are on borrowed time and there are no more seasons left.

At 81, I agree...still cognitive, but the body is failing...so yeah, I'm ready to exit. Balance is shot, legs constantly sore, afib events more frequent, and more. Once simple chores are difficult, and there are others I'm simply unable to do. I hope the exit comes before I need a care facility...do NOT want to burden our daughter.

[GH85Carrera]

My old boss did things right. He started his aerial photography business as a side business in 1947. He had a full time job at the CAA, later to become the FAA, after he got out of the US Air Force. He had joined the US Army Air Corps, and one day received the orders to change his uniform to a blue one.

In his words, he took "early retirement" at age 92, and he took his last flight as pilot in control on his 92nd birthday. At age 99, he was still driving a car, had 100% full cognitive brain. I called him and asked if he knew the phone number of the plumber he used. Instantly he told me the name and phone number of that plumber.

A few months later, he and his wife were watching a movie, and he did not care for it, so he kissed his wife goodnight, and walked upstairs to go to bed. When she was ready to go to bed, she found him dead. His heart had given out. No prolonged death in a hospital or nursing home.

I hope to retire from my aerial photo company at age 93 and make it to 100.

[EmilyGarrison]

That’s an interesting perspective! It’s fascinating how life sometimes brings things full circle. Have you noticed any other moments where past experiences connected unexpectedly?

[pwd72s]

emily garrison..new bot?

[Racerbvd]

Well, when I got to the lodge, and got the news that I didn’t want.
Remember, my friend Paul, who fell the the other week. I have been trying to reach him since I found out.

I have not been able to reach him since, including calling the room he was in, but I got word from his son today that he is in hospice . The list of my friends and family continues to get smaller and smaller. Plus the fact that my Mother is still having a hard time, took her for another MRI yesterday, tomorrow I have an echo/stress test, so this is adding more.

Sometimes life really sucks.

Paul is literally the only reason why I go to this lodge, he is like a old friend who is from the same area that I grew up in, we know a lot of the same movers and shakers, familiar with the same people, places and events.
This really sucks and hits me hard. There are so many POSs that provide nothing to society, other than being leaches. Paul, who started from humble origins, was adopted, became successful in multiple businesses that he started, creating a few foundations to help others.
When I sent a young lady, who had adopted four children, in the past year, Christmas cards for the children she just adopted (she was also adopted) and just moved to the area with the children, she asked for nothing else else but cards for the kids, when Paul saw the message asking for nothing but cards,addressed to the children,he wanted her name and address and sent here a nice check, because he was adopted, and she, even though she didn’t ask or even hint about anything financial (I put money in each kids card), he sent her a check for a couple of grand. These are the type of people I consider friends.

[Tobra]

Byron, that is because they need all the good ones upstairs.

[pwd72s]

Byron, part of life is getting bad news. Yet somehow, we pick things up and continue on the best we can. That's just what we do until...our circle ends.