Silly season drivers

[Isabo]

This evening I drove down with my husband from our apartment in Milan to our weekend place in Emilia. It's about an hour of autostrada and an hour of mountain roads. Being driven was a bit of a treat for me as usually I negotiate it in my mini on my own instead of being chauffeured in an X5. This is the main holiday season in Italy so all the clowns are coming out of the woodwork, driving to their holiday destination of choice, but of course all the regular idiots are still freely available. For once I had the leisure to recline my seat comfortably, take off my shoes, rest my feet on the dashboard and study some other road users.
This is some of the characters we found on the road in 200klm.
The first pair were two german registered saloons driving in tandem at 110kph in the fast lane, middle aged men driving with their hausfraus co-driving, oblivious to the jam they were causing, the speedlimit is 150 on that stretch. No way would they shift despite, my husband Armando, flashing them, putting on his indicators, sitting on the tail car's bumper, in the end we passed them on the right. Identifiers: cars full of holidaymakers rubbish and no way were the two cars going to get separated. .
Another was some kids off to the coast in a little econo car, they tried to pass us on the inside on the twisty bit as we were changing autostrada, when Armando let them go because the lane in front of him wasn't clear these dirt bags started cheering and making coffee grinder gestures - the driver got distracted and almost went into the guardrail and narrowly missed hitting the car in front of him. As soon as we had space we passed them. The speed limit is 80 on that stetch, the kids negotiated it at a little less than that, if it's dry and clear it's a lot of fun around 140. Identifiers, scruffy, marginal car with four sweaty, grimy young people in it, laughing their heads off.
Leaving the autostrada we had a new BMW 7 series in front of us. This fool was driving dead on the speed limit on a clear, usually unpoliced road, his privilege. When we tried to overtake he would come out and block us, when he approached a bend he would slow way down, negotiate the bend and then accelerate very slowly back up to speedlimit. We stopped for a coffee for the sake of Armando's blood pressure. Identifiers: new, top of the range car with the lowest power engine, driver was wearing a jacket and tie when outside his climate controlled kingdom the temps were in the high 30s. He had a christian fish symbol on the tail of his car. I've often found this sort of holier than thou attitude goes with the fish symbol on a car. On a similar theme we had a little trouble passing an old priest, the old chap didn't try to obstruct but was unable to negotiate a bend unless he slowed down to 20kph and used the full width of the road.
Some other personalities we met several times: the housewife with her car loaded with shopping, or with kids she's taking home from an outing - too distracted to see other cars, often with a cell phone, in typical Italian fashion when joining the main road she will not stop at the junction, cutting in front of you, an accident is only avoided because you managed to brake very hard in time, she will then drive at a lowish speed to save on fuel and brake pads: The oldish man with a hat, barely in control of his vehicle and totaly unaware of changes to driving rules in the last 20 years. Men smoking pipes whilst driving - invariably slow, invariably in everyone's way, invariably oblivious to what's going on around them.
I don't pretend to be a great driver, I try to be safe, courteous, I try not to obstruct others and I try to enjoy the drive - but I am left speechless at driving standards in summer and xmas holiday seasons.
OK! rant over, who are some of the types you meet on the road that you love to hate? Mine are road hogs like the pair of germans, the holier than thou types with christian fish symbols on their cars (is there any symbol one can place on the tail of one's car that would rub these guys up the wrong way but would not offend others?), old men in hats, pipesmokers, anyone not stopping at a junction when I have the right of way who then holds me up by driving slowly until I can pass.

[350HP930]

Originally posted by Isabo
This evening I drove down with my husband from our apartment in Milan to our weekend place in Emilia. It's about an hour of autostrada and an hour of mountain roads. Being driven was a bit of a treat for me as usually I negotiate it in my mini on my own instead of being chauffeured in an X5.

Hmm, it must be nice to be rich.

Would you like to be my race sponsor and/or are you looking for a chauffeur when in the US.

But on the subject at hand, we get all kinds clogging up the roads here too, especially here in florida where too many people go to vacation and old people go to die.

The worse part is that most people here don't understand the concept of slower traffic keep right.

[Zeke]

The first post was very entertaining and extremely well writen. I suspect that English is not a second laguage to Italian.

As far as what's going on in CA, you name it and add the usual late night shootings from car to car. This is how offensive driving issues are settled in LA. During the day it is so crowded that no one is going anywhere quickly. Once out of the metropolis, no one stays to the right and no one bothers to flash, they just drive on by on the right. It gets a little better on the Interstate. The art of driving is lost to all but a very select few.

[Aurel]

150 kph speed limit in Italy ? Is that true ?
I had never heard of that, although I come from France.

Aurel

[bell]

excellent post Isabo
thanks

in ohio we get alot of people who are either in a big hurry to wait at the next light or NEVER use their turn signals before they cut you off

[TimT]

Isabo...

Excellent description of how people operate autos all over the world.

Imagine if you fell asleep in Italy............ then traveled through some wormhole... and woke up in Buenos Aires.... you would find the same characters driving..

You could choose Los Angeles> Bangkok>Boston>New York>Rekhjavic> Rawhilpindi>Vienna>Venice and you will find the same type drivers...

[WOODPIE]

Here's some driver types I see, and how I deal with them:


Chicken tractor-trailers. These are flatbed trailors with small cages stacked three or four high over the entire length, each cage stuffed full of Tyson or Perdue fare. Drivers are usually moderate to fast, mostly staying on their own side of the road. Following too close is much like driving in a light, smelly snow. Amazingly, an occasional chicken will manage to slip out of its cage and commit suicide rather than face the dreaded processing plant. Another good reason to stay back!

Farm vehicles. This includes, but is not limited to, farm tractors. Farmer Joe often has acreage down the road a ways, and must use the state road to get there. Plowing tractors can get up to maybe 30 mph; old Ford pick-ups with no license plates or operating tail lights go a little faster. I slow down, enjoy the scenery. Joe can't be going far. Wave as I go by!

Pneumatic Refuse Dispersal Vehicle. I think a lot of country people solve their garbage disposal problem by putting untied bags of it in the pick-up and driving around until it's all gone. They eventually have to go back and pick it up, but sometimes not until many years later, and only after the state gives them a bright orange jumpsuit to wear. Wave as I go by!

"I kin atrun a porch" vehicle. I let 'em. I'll give these types every opportunity to pass, knowing I cannot go nearly as fast as they must secretly believe I can. On two occasions, they were nailed by the police a mile or so further down the road. Wave as I go by!

Ed

[RoninLB]

Originally posted by Zeke
As far as what's going on in CA, you name it and add the usual late night shootings from car to car. This is how offensive driving issues are settled in LA. .

LOL.. but true..

"who are some of the types you meet on the road that you love to hate? "
... well, because I do some big rides in this country, there are certain places where I have to drive the speed limit and stay to the right to avoid the police.. so on a quiet highway with little traffic a SUV will come up real tight and tailgate.. there is plenty of room to pass me/no problem.. but the $hit head has to be 1 foot from my rear bumper.. this happens a few times on a 911 cross country ride.. if it's not a SUV, it's some beat up pick-up truck. and at night the lights are flooding my car. naturally it's two young guys looking for me to act.. so I have to wait it out and remain calm.. but the SSI I just installed has the O2 bung installed, it's now plugged.. so I have plans to install a smog machine.. the bung attachment will have a T fitting for either oil injection or glycol injection.. and guaranteed it's going to put them on cloud 9. I'm serious........Ron

[Zeke]

That's a good idea, Ronnie. I know when a truck locks up the trailer tries or a car locks up just one, it sounds like eminent disaster when really things aren't slowing down all that much. I'd love to have some kind of a portion of a tire under my PU to remotely lay down with pressure to make all that noise and tire smoke and watch 'em all scatter.

[Isabo]

350HP930
Not rich, I have to work. But we've managed to achieve a reasonable lifestyle - the trick now is going to be maintaining it.

Zeke
Thanks. I'm actually an American, brought up in England, married to an Italian, working for a mongrel (Milu). Milu does not care too much about grammer and spelling but is obsessive that one's meaning is clear and unambiguous, unless vague is required for professional reasons - it's probably improved my writing and communication skills.

Aurel
The speedlimit on Italian autostrade is 130, there are some three lane tracts where this has been increased to 150 thanks to the new road code. This new road code has caused some confusion as no one understands what has been ratified, what will be ratified, what has been dropped, especially the police who have to enforce it. This could be the subject of a new post on silly motoring laws and their application?

Bell, Ronin, Woodpie
I forgot those clowns - we have them too.

- Isa

[RoninLB]

Originally posted by Zeke
I'd love to have some kind of a portion of a tire under my PU to remotely lay down with pressure to make all that noise and tire smoke and watch 'em all scatter.

how about this Milt..
a very loud electric air horn & a smog machine.. the horn can be purchased used. and the smog machine is nothing more than a windshield washer $20 pump and container, then a feed into an exhaust pipe before the muffler.. they will think they're going to be in the middle of an accident that is already happening.

[jyl]

But you have some speed bozos in Italy too. I remember driving on the autostrada once, don't recall exactly where but think it was going north from Milan, whe it started to rain very hard. I slowed to appx 120kph and proceeded to get passed like I was standing still - speed delta >40kph. In the next 1/2 hour I had the guilty pleasure of repassing no less than 10 of these bozos, who had spun and slid off the road. Here in NoCal, people may drive weird in the rain, but they tend to err on the side of too slow.

[Isabo]

The speeders aren't usually a problem in good weather, you can just let them go. A pet hate though is the drivers who set the cruise control to 169kph (the point serious legal consequences start) and start flashing from a kilometre away, take 5 mins to reach you and if you get out of their way another 5 mins to pass. In bad weather it can be pure looney tunes around Milan, these drivers are in a hurry and won't slow down for details like peasoup fog, blizzards or deluvial rain. I am certain these guys are driving blind as I have good eyesight and I can't see well enough to drive at half the speed they do.
Like you. I got a great deal of satisfaction two winters ago when it snowed on icy roads and Milu drove me home in his car as he had chains, we were passed by a 4X4 going hell for leather and causing chaos for others by making them stop while going uphill (on a road like an icerink!) The satisfaction came when we saw him in a ditch with little chance of getting towed out for at least several days.
When I first moved to Italy I was shocked when I was passed on the Autostrada by a driver doing at least 40kph more than me and reading a newspaper at the same time. Drivers in Italy need and seem to have much faster reactions

[Milu]

Bad weather driving in Italy and to a lesser extent France frightens me.

The nuts have to be driving blind and relying on their memory of the road to carry on.

For those I love to hate: all the above plus: drivers who sit on my tail with flashing lights and gestures who want to be in front when a) There is only congestion in front of me and I can't get into another lane because of the traffic, drivers reversing blind from a parking space onto a main road, anyone who parks close enough to ding my baby.

[John#6]

Originally posted by Isabo
(is there any symbol one can place on the tail of one's car that would rub these guys up the wrong way but would not offend others?)

Here in the states you can get a "Darwin Fish", which looks like the "God fish" that you have referred to.
The difference is that a "Darwin Fish" has feet, and says Darwin in the center.

[Isabo]

Can't decide between Cthulhu and sharks

Or Fish ' Chips or Sushi

[Milu]

Why not...

[BGCarrera32]

so I have plans to install a smog machine.. the bung attachment will have a T fitting for either oil injection or glycol injection.. and guaranteed it's going to put them on cloud 9. I'm serious........Ron

Please forward plans, photos, final price list to me when done. I will return the favor with a set of Silicon Bronze exhaust studs for you.

-BG

[RoninLB]

Originally posted by BGCarrera32
Please forward plans, photos, final price list to me when done. I will return the favor with a set of Silicon Bronze exhaust studs for you.

-BG

OK.. read this..
I should have wrote glycerine, which is drug store cheap stuff.. mix the glycerine 50/50 with water. I'm going to tap into the SSI O2 bung cap. you do whatever you have to do. tap before the muffler cause you want the most heat. then connect a small copper tube to the tap using hardware store fitting.. maybe coil the copper or use a stretch that'll cool down a bit before the rubber tube connection. connect the rubber tube to a cheap windshield washer reservoir and pump. wire the pump to a cabin switch. the glycerine will evaporate clean.. oil won't. I'm going to have a T connection for both.. total cost maybe $30-$40......Ron

[Andyrew]

Isabo, I see you didnt like the character of the man with the fish symbol on the back. I hope he was a fisherman, because I want to assure you that as a christian, I dont have one of those "Holyer than thou" attitudes, I try to not have an attitude if I can help it, but that doesnt always happen.
As for the priest, he was probably 95, and everytime he slowed down he was praying that the sudden 'G forces' of the turn wouldnt give his heart a heart attack!



PS. To be honest, I like the "fish and chips" fishy.