I thought it was one in the bush was worth two in the hand!!

Not sure, but this descrepancy does bring to mind the question of toilets south of the equator -- do they flush backwards?

What should you do if you spot an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it's much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

Do you need a laxitive that is gentle?

This thread is the most intelligent conversation I have heard any of you boyz hold yet!

Why do you drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

Why do you recite at a play and play at a recital?

Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?

Enquiring minds wanna know.

Dwarfism is a big issue, you know.

There's a bar near our cabin in Wisconsin called "Skinny Dick's Halfway Inn".

I don't have anything more to say.

oh wait...

we're just learning from you.

yes ladies and gentlemen, they can be taught!

It's a secret. Please don't tell anyone, and tell them not to tell anyone either...

Anyone seen Slartibartfast lately?

I believe that was the answer to the ULTIMATE question of life the universe and everything.

What did I start? :rolleyes: :D

I dunno, but DO IT AGAIN!!! DO IT AGAIN!!!

Umm, no.

When Lunkwill and Fook first spoke with Deep Thought, this is the task they requested :
pause for effect
Source: The Hitchicker's Guide to the Galaxy, pg. 160

There is no mention of any Ultimate question or answer.

Hope this clarifies things a big more...
-Z-man.

PS: Took me about 15 minutes to get all the quotes, bolds and italicies correct: hope you appreciate it! :D

i feel a poo coming on.

This post needs more pictures.

just dropped the kids at the pool and i feel much better.

What's Oakland like?

I stand corrected.

Maybe it's conflicted.

Or maybe constipated.

Possibly converted.

I admire your ambition.

like south central.

Ever been "stupefied?"

Frequently.

Most often when I read threads like this.

Actually, "Ultimate" was used in the original radio show at the 7.5 million year mark, after the computer tells them the answer is 42.

I'll dig out the tapes if I can find them.

James

Grrrr: I blame an actor's artistic freedom for the ERROR.

Hehe...

I will verify in the books....
-Z.

The books skip several very very good gags.

Example, Deep Thought is speaking and keeps nicely saying, "might I make and observation"

Vroomthondle says: "We'll go on strike!"

Deepthought: "might I make an..."

Majikthises: "That's right. You have a national philosopher's stike on your hands"

Deepthought: "Who will that inconvienence?"

Vroomthondle: "Never you mind who it will incovienence. It'll hurt buster! It'll hurt!"

Deepthought: "MIGHT I MAKE AN OBSERVATION" (very loud with tremendous reverberation)

Deepthought: "All I wanted to say, was...." etc etc etc.

The radio show was better. Much better.

James

derek bells 962.......in a private collection in pittsburgh......i was there, i touched it :D
http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1073535158.jpg

With WHAT bell? nyuk nyuk nyuk....

Chapman: Trouble at mill.
Cleveland: Oh no - what kind of trouble?
Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle.
Cleveland: Pardon?
Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle.
Cleveland: I don't understand what you're saying.
Chapman: [slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent] One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treadle.
Cleveland: Well what on earth does that mean?
Chapman: *I* don't know - Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]


[The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain [Palin] enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Cardinal Biggles [Jones] has goggles pushed over his forehead. Cardinal Fang [Gilliam] is just Cardinal Fang]

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again.

[The Inquisition exits]

Chapman: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]


[The cardinals burst in]

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn!
[To Cardinal Biggles] I can't say it - you'll have to say it.
Biggles: What?
Ximinez: You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'
Biggles: [rather horrified]: I couldn't do that...

[Ximinez bundles the cardinals outside again]

Chapman: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The cardinals enter]

Biggles: Er.... Nobody...um....
Ximinez: Expects...
Biggles: Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Spanish...um...
Ximinez: Inquisition.
Biggles: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect -
Ximinez: Our chief weapons are...
Biggles: Our chief weapons are...um...er...
Ximinez: Surprise...
Biggles: Surprise and --
Ximinez: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! ... our chief weapons are surprise...blah blah blah. Cardinal, read the charges.
Fang: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church. 'My old man said follow the--'
Biggles: That's enough.
[To Cleveland] Now, how do you plead?
Clevelnd: We're innocent.
Ximinez: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

[DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER]

Biggles: We'll soon change your mind about that!

[DIABOLICAL ACTING]

Ximinez: Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless-- [controls himself with a supreme effort] Ooooh! Now, Cardinal -- the rack!

[Biggles produces a plastic-coated dish-drying rack. Ximinez looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover his anger]

Ximinez: You....Right! Tie her down.

[Fang and Biggles make a pathetic attempt to tie her on to the drying rack]

Ximinez:Right! How do you plead?
Clevelnd: Innocent.
Ximinez: Ha! Right! Cardinal, give the rack [oh dear] give the rack a turn.

[Biggles stands their awkwardly and shrugs his shoulders]

Biggles: I....
Ximinez: [gritting his teeth] I *know*, I know you can't. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake.
Biggles: I...
Ximinez: It makes it all seem so stupid.
Biggles: Shall I...?
Ximinez: No, just pretend for God's sake. Ha! Ha! Ha!

[Biggles turns an imaginary handle on the side of the dish-rack]

[Cut to them torturing a dear old lady, Marjorie Wilde]

Ximinez: Now, old woman -- you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action -- *four* counts. Do you confess?
Wilde: I don't understand what I'm accused of.
Ximinez: Ha! Then we'll make you understand! Biggles! Fetch...THE CUSHIONS!

[JARRING CHORD]

[Biggles holds out two ordinary modern household cushions]

Biggles: Here they are, lord.
Ximinez: Now, old lady -- you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly -- *two* last chances. And you shall be free -- *three* last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.
Wilde: I don't know what you're talking about.
Ximinez: Right! If that's the way you want it -- Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!

[Biggles carries out this rather pathetic torture]

Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles: It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord.
Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez [angrily hurling away the cushions]: Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR!

[JARRING CHORD]

[Zoom into Fang's horrified face]

Fang [terrified]: The...Comfy Chair?

[Biggles pushes in a comfy chair -- a really plush one]

Ximinez: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair!

[They roughly push her into the Comfy Chair]

Ximinez [with a cruel leer]: Now -- you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. [aside, to Biggles] Is that really all it is?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, woman. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess
Biggles: I confess!
Ximinez: Not you!

M: __Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please.
R: ___Certainly sir. Have you been here before?
M: __No, I haven't, this is my first time.
R: ____I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?
M: __Well, what is the cost?
R:___ Well, It's one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten.
M: __Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the one and then see how it goes.
R: ____Fine. Well, I'll see who's free at the moment.
Pause
R: ___Mr. DeBakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory.
Ahh yes, Try Mr. Barnard; room 12.
M: ___Thank you.

(Walks down the hall. Opens door.)

Q: __WHAT DO YOU WANT?
M: __Well, I was told outside that...
Q: __Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
M: __What?
Q: __Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!
M: __Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...!!
Q: __OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.
M: __Oh, I see, well, that explains it.
Q: __Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.
M: __Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.
Q: __Not at all.
M: __Thank You.
(Under his breath) Stupid git!!

(Walk down the corridor)
M: (Knock)
A: __Come in.
M: __Ah, Is this the right room for an argument?
A: __I told you once.
M: __No you haven't.
A: __Yes I have.
M: __When?
A: ___Just now.
M: __No you didn't.
A: __Yes I did.
M: _You didn't
A: __I did!
M: _You didn't!
A: __I'm telling you I did!
M: _You did not!!
A: __Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
M:_ Oh, just the five minutes.
A: __Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
M: _You most certainly did not.
A: __Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.
M: _No you did not.
A: __Yes I did.
M: __No you didn't.
A: __Yes I did.
M: __No you didn't.
A: __Yes I did.
M: __No you didn't.
A: __Yes I did.
M: _You didn't.
A: __Did.
M: _Oh look, this isn't an argument.
A: __Yes it is.
M: __No it isn't. It's just contradiction.
A: __No it isn't.
M: _It is!
A: __It is not.
M: _Look, you just contradicted me.
A: __I did not.
M: _Oh you did!!
A: __No, no, no.
M: _You did just then.
A: __Nonsense!
M: _Oh, this is futile!
A: __No it isn't.
M: _I came here for a good argument.
A: __No you didn't; no, you came here for an argument.
M: _An argument isn't just contradiction.
A: __It can be.
M: _No it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
A: __No it isn't.
M: _Yes it is! It's not just contradiction.
A: __Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
M: _Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.'
A: __Yes it is!
M: __No it isn't!


A: __Yes it is!
M: _Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.
(short pause)
A: _No it isn't.
M: _It is.
A: _Not at all.
M: _Now look.
A: (Rings bell)__Good Morning.
M: _What?
A: __That's it. Good morning.
M: __I was just getting interested.
A: __Sorry, the five minutes is up.
M: _That was never five minutes!
A: __I'm afraid it was.
M: _It wasn't.
Pause
A: __I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
M: _What?!
A: __If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
M: _Yes, but that was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!
A: _(Hums)
M: _Look, this is ridiculous.
A: __I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
M: _Oh, all right.
(pays money)
A: __Thank you.
short pause
M: _Well?
A: __Well what?
M: __That wasn't really five minutes, just now.
A: ___I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
M: __I just paid!
A: __No you didn't.
M: __I DID!
A: __No you didn't.
M: _Look, I don't want to argue about that.
A: _Well, you didn't pay.
M: _Aha. If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!
A: __No you haven't.
M: _Yes I have. If you're arguing, I must have paid.
A: __Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
M: _Oh I've had enough of this.
A: __No you haven't.
M: _Oh Shut up.

(Walks down the stairs. Opens door.)

M: _I want to complain.
C: _You want to complain! Look at these shoes. I've only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through.
M: _No, I want to complain about...
C: __If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.
M: _Oh!
C: __Oh my back hurts, it's not a very fine day and I'm sick and tired of this office.


(Slams door. walks down corridor, opens next door.)

M: _Hello, I want to... Ooooh!
H: __No, no, no. Hold your head like this, then go Waaah. Try it again.
M: _uuuwwhh!!
H: __Better, Better, but Waah, Waah! Put your hand there.
M: _No.
H: __Now..
M: _Waaaaah!!!
H: __Good, Good! That's it.
M: _Stop hitting me!!
H: _What?
M: _Stop hitting me!!
H: __Stop hitting you?
M: _Yes!
H: __Why did you come in here then?
M: __I wanted to complain.
H: __Oh no, that's next door. It's being-hit-on-the-head lessons in here.
M: _What a stupid concept.

Oh, Gawd! Not this again!

The woman next door is shouting: "She's my daughter!" (SLAP!) "She's my sister!" (SLAP!) "She's my daughter!" (SLAP!)

...and the beat goes on...

Current temperature: 49 degrees F.
Current time: 9:45pm PST

(sorry....had to do it :p )

We are the knights who sayyyyy.........

It's just a flesh wound!

Sven and Ole were out in the woods hunting when suddenly a man came running out of the bushes, yelling, "Don't shoot! Don't shoot! I'm not a deer!" Ole raised his gun and shot him dead.

Sven said, "Ole, why did you shoot that man? He said he wasn't a deer!"

Ole answered, "Oh! I thought he said he was a deer!"

20 of the state finest legislators were touring part of the disaster area. Suddendly, the hillside they were standing on gave way and they were sucked away in the dirt and muck and mud.

A local farmer saw the whole thing and buried them together.

Later, the state police investigated the matter started questioning the Farmer.

"Were any of them alive, when you found them?"

"Well, a couple of them boys said they was, but you know how them Polo-ticians lie!"

Alright, somebody got it!

I was remembering/referencing the BBC production that aired on PBS a number of years ago....

This thread must never die.