10 Best Tools of All Time

[HarryD]

Forget the Snap-On Tools truck; its never been there when you need it. Besides there are only 10 things in this world you need to fix any car, any place, any time.

1. Duct Tape - Not just a tool, a veritable Swiss Army knife in stickum and plastic. It's safety wire, body material, radiator hose, upholstery, insulation, tow rope, and more - in an easy to carry package. Sure, there's prejudice surrounding duct tape in concours competitions, but in the real world, everything from LeMans-winning Porsches to Atlas rockets use it by the yard. The only thing that can get you out of more scrapes is a quarter and a phone booth.

2. Vise-Grips locking pliers - Equally adept as a wrench, hammer, pliers, baling wire twister, breaker-off of frozen bolts and wiggle-it-till-it-falls-off tool. The heavy artillery of your tool box, locking pliers are the only tool designed expressly to fix things screwed up beyond repair.

3. Spray Lubricants - A considerably cheaper alternative to new doors, alternator, and other squeaky items. Slicker than pig phlegm, repeated soakings will allow the main hull bolts of the Andrea Doria to be removed by hand. Strangely enough, an integral part of these sprays is the infamous Little Red Tube that flies out of the nozzle if you look at it cross eyed (one of the 10 worst tools of all time).

4. Margarine Tubs with Clear Lids - If you spend all your time under the hood looking for a frendle pin that careened off the pertal valve when you knocked both off the air cleaner, it's because you eat butter. Real mechanics consume pounds of tasteless vegetable oil replicas just so they can use the empty tubs for parts containers afterward. (Some of course chuck the butter-colored goo altogether or use it to repack wheel bearings.)
Unlike air cleaners and radiator lips, margarine tubs aren't connected by a time/space wormhole to the Parallel Universe of Lost Frendle Pins.

5. Big Rock at the Side of the Road - Block up a tire. Smack corroded battery terminals. Pound out a dent. Bop noisy know-it-all types on the noodle. Scientists have yet to develop a hammer that packs the raw banging power of granite or limestone. This is the only tool with which a "Made in Malaysia" emblem is not synonymous with the user's maiming.

6. Plastic Zip Ties - After 20 years of lashing down stray hose and wiring with old bread ties, some genius brought a slightly slicked-up version to the auto parts market. Fifteen zip ties can transform a hulking mass of amateur- quality wiring from a working model of the Brazilian Rain Forest into something remotely resembling a wiring harness. Of course it works both ways. When buying a used car, subtract $100 for each zip tie under the hood.

7. Ridiculously Large Craftsman Screwdriver - Let's admit it. There's nothing better for prying, chiseling, lifting, breaking, splitting or mutilating than a huge flatbladed screwdriver, particularly when wielded with gusto and a big hammer. This is also the tool of choice for all filters so insanely located that they can only be removed by driving a stake in one side and out the other. If you break the screwdriver--and you will just like Dad and your shop teacher said--who cares, it has a lifetime guarantee.

8. Bailing Wire - Commonly known as MG muffler brackets, bailing wire holds anything that's too hot for tape or ties. Like duct tape, it's not recommended for concours contenders, since it works so well you'll never need to replace it with the right thing again. Bailing wire is a sentimental favorite in some circles, particularly with the MG, Triumph, and flathead Ford set.

9. Bonking Stick- This monstrous tuning fork with devilish pointy ends is technically known as a tie-rod separator, but how often do you separate tie-rod ends? Once every decade if you're lucky. Other than medieval combat, its real use is the all-purpose pplication of undue force, not unlike that of the huge flat-bladed screwdriver. Nature doesn't know the bent metal panel or frozen exhaust pipe that can stand up to a good bonking stick. (Can also be use to separate tie-rod ends in a pinch, of course, but does a lousy job of it).

10. A Quarter and a Phone Booth

[onewhippedpuppy]

You forgot the BFH, key for the big screwdriver and devil tuning fork. Easily can fix all problems, whether it's removing irritating obstructions, or rendering yourself senseless.

[HarryD]

Originally posted by onewhippedpuppy
You forgot the BFH, key for the big screwdriver and devil tuning fork. Easily can fix all problems, whether it's removing irritating obstructions, or rendering yourself senseless.

LOL

, that's what item 5 is for.

[Jack Olsen]

Great list. But inflation has made your "quarter and a phone booth" item obsolete. Are any of them less than fifty cents any more?

[real550A]

1. Cell phone

[Randy Webb]

You left out C-4.

[strokher racing]

duct tape is also called 200mph tape in nascar

[Por_sha911]

#10 should read: Mastercard, cellphone, and the phone number to AAA

[scottb]

How about an honorable mention for TRE's phone number?

[jluetjen]

How about a great big vice? Suitable for use as a third hand, an anvil counterpart for a BFH, a sheet metal brake and various pressing operations.

[John Block]

One word:

Beer

enough said.

[Ove]

That's a good list.

But the number one tool is this



Of course - when all else fails any tool will turn into a hammer

[126coupe]

The pocket rocket is the best tool. Try it on the women in your life

[GeorgeK]

Ove,
You got that from Ikea? I have the exact same favourite tool.

[Vintage911Racer]

Mark,

Would that be a tool for you or your wife????

[126coupe]

Very funny! Answer................Wife

[sammyg2]

The most useful tool known to mankind is the human hand. both in the garage and in .... other places. Uh Oh, did I say that out loud?

[126coupe]

if you can get your hand to vibrate like the pocket rocket, let me know

[Vintage911Racer]

Just tape a dremil tool to your elbow and turn it on full speed.

Walla.............The Rocket hand.

Be carefull though, the vibrations might make your elbow and arm go numb (not a bad thing), could slip off and tear up the everything around it (wouldnt want that) or possibly cause permanent damage. Kinda like Tennis elbow.

[vash]

no way, i had a hot thai girl tell me a vibrator will never replace a man. her exact words, "my vibrator will never come into the room grab me by the hair, and eff me hard". she was my sister's friend. let's say, my sister wasnt happy with what happened next.

the best tool in my garage lately is my floorjack. recently, i popped a huge treestump out of the ground, (i got an estimate for $700 to have it pro removed). i rigged up a lever system and removed 4 huge fence post and the concrete footings, no digging and no chipping! by my calculations, i was putting 8000 lbs of upward pressure on each post. then i lifted my 911 and changed the oil. BEST TOOL IS A MULTITASKING TOOL.

cliff