Married soldiers with babies, both deployed?

[jyl]

Turns out my wife will be taking care of a toddler, one morning a week. His mother and father are both in the Army, and both deployed in Iraq. His grandmother, our neighbor, is caring for her grandson but she works mornings and the hired caregiver can't do Thursdays, so they needed help and here we are . . . its just a volunteer thing and shouldn't last more than a few months.

The point is, my wife and I got into a debate about deploying both parents of a small child. She argues it is wrong and the Army should accomodate families in this situation by deploying only one parent at a time. I argue that the parents knew what they signed up for and that the parents' Army units need them too.

What do you all think? Is simultaneous deployment of parents a normal Army policy, and should it be?

[928ram]

I agree with you that they signed up for it; part of the job.
I don't think it's Army policy or that it should be, and would guess that one of/both of them may be in a specialized field where there are fewer soldiers to do that particular job.
I believe the military branches generally discourage marraige to fellow soldiers just because of this type of situation. I actually know 2 couples who are in the Coast Guard here locally, in both cases one spouse gets a land-based job while the other is deployed several months at a time aboard a ship; so they will work with you.

[fintstone]

Just a byproduct of women's lib. They used to have women get out or switch to a nondeployable job when they got pregnant. Now, you would be depriving them of equal job opportunities to even suggest such a thing.

[CamB]

Is it policy? I was going to say I'd be surprised if it is, but then I thought of widowed people (and single mothers/fathers with a deadbeat father/mother).

[djmcmath]

I see single mothers (and fathers) come through my facility pretty routinely. As "primary caregiver," they are ultimately responsible, but are required to have a backup caregiver when they deploy. Traditionally, the "backup" is the other parent, but that isn't always possible these days. (Somehow, John 5:5 comes to mind, "Do you want to get well?" Don't know why.) So backups end up being high-priced nannies, grandmothers, friendly neighbors, etc. (Sometimes the backup caregiver molests the children -- I've only seen that a few times in the last year or so.)

If, for some reason, the backup fails, then the single parent is recalled from deployment. They are generally given a reasonable opportunity to find alternate care for their child. If reasonable care cannot be found, the parent is then separated under MILPERSMAN 1910, using a chapter with a title like "Convenience of the Government, unable to comply with parental care certificate." I don't remember the article number off the top of my head.

The only real provision made for dual-military families is co-location, in which the detailer attempts ("attempts: tries to succeed, but does not guarantee success") to produce orders for both members in the same geographic region ("geographic region: within 3 hours drive, give or take").


(shrug) Bummer of a deal, in some cases. Some people use it as an excuse to get out, others are disappointed.

Dan

[lendaddy]

Flint, are you sure one cannot opt out? Seems odd to me. I hate to say it but maybe they just want/need the combat pay?

[djmcmath]

They can "opt out." The "opt out" is like getting fired, though.

[lendaddy]

Originally posted by djmcmath
They can "opt out." The "opt out" is like getting fired, though.

Thanks Dan, I did not know that. I would have assumed otherwise. Are deployments up to regional commanders? In otherwords could they petition for a special exception? I say this because it is an obvious oversight in policy due to the recent "females in combat crap".

[rcecale]

Dan,

If I remember correctly, the "opting out" choice is a one time decision, isn't it? When the expectant mother first finds out she is pregnant, she has a certain timeframe in which to make this decision. Once made, it's pretty much a done deal...barring extenuating circumstances along the way, should she decide to stay.

Randy

[djmcmath]

Pregnancy is different, actually. If a woman gets pregnant (an option she can take ... 3 times (?) in her career), she is immediately returned from deployment to have the baby and work out dependent care issues. If she cannot find care for the child before returning to sea, she is separated from the Navy.

But yes, inability to comply with dependent care is a "one time" shot, for all practical purposes, because they are separated from the military. In the Big Picture, they generally get honorable/RE-1 discharges, so they could re-enlist at a later date if they decided to, but I haven't seen that actually happen.

[mikester]

They are both active duty - they knew what they were getting into when they signed up. Your wife is wrong.

[Mark Howard]

I'll chime in here. In the National Guard, we try to take care of soldiers in this situation. When a unit is notified to deploy, they are notified with a number of soldiers that the must deploy with, not specific people. In Louisiana, we use our ability to cross level soldiers among different units to help solve this situation. We also use Family Care Plans that direct single soldiers to have a plan for children in the event they deploy. During this year of deployment, we have sent home no more than 5 soldiers (out of 700) for family care issues, so the system, at least for us, is working very well. I can't speak for the active duty soldiers, but if you know deployment is a possiblity in the near future, soldiers should take precautions to prevent the situation altogether (like transferring to a different unit). Commanders are also responsible for supervising the welfare of their soldiers. If a soldier has a family care issue, his or her mind will not be on their duty. Commanders have a duty to their soldiers to monitor and assist in these situations.