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Registered
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Higgs Field
Posts: 22,595
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Dogs vs. Cats
A dog's diary:
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite! 2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite! 3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! 4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite! 6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite! 7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite! 8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite! 11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite! A cat's diary: Day 183 of my captivity. My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. Must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in Their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hm-m-m, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.
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Jeff '72 911T 3.0 MFI '93 Ducati 900 Super Sport "God invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn't rule the world" |
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12-15-2005, 05:45 AM
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MAGA
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 10,768
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D@mn funny!
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German autos: '79 911 SC, '87 951, '03 330i, '08 Cayenne, '13 Cayenne 0% Liberal Men do not quit playing because they get old.... They get old because they quit playing. |
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12-15-2005, 05:57 AM
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: N. Phoenix AZ USA
Posts: 28,943
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Needed the laugh today!
Excellent post... Joe A
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2013 Jag XF, 2002 Dodge Ram 2500 Cummins (the workhorse), 1992 Jaguar XJ S-3 V-12 VDP (one of only 100 examples made), 1969 Jaguar XJ (been in the family since new), 1985 911 Targa backdated to 1973 RS specs with a 3.6 shoehorned in the back, 1959 Austin Healey Sprite (former SCCA H-Prod), 1995 BMW R1100RSL, 1971 & '72 BMW R75/5 "Toaster," Ural Tourist w/sidecar, 1949 Aeronca Sedan / QB |
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12-15-2005, 06:10 AM
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Did you get the memo?
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Wichita, KS
Posts: 32,305
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That's good, and oh so true.
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‘07 Mazda RX8-8 Past: 911T, 911SC, Carrera, 951s, 955, 996s, 987s, 986s, 997s, BMW 5x, C36, C63, XJR, S8, Maserati Coupe, GT500, etc |
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12-15-2005, 06:42 AM
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Registered
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: LaGrange, NY
Posts: 1,279
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knew I didn't like cats for a reason.
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Looking for 87-89 Silver Cab 911, black interior, must be low miles, near pristine, no accidents, well sorted. |
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12-15-2005, 07:08 AM
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Registered
Join Date: May 2003
Location: DMV
Posts: 1,432
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Great post Jeff, that was funny!
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12-15-2005, 09:00 AM
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Light,Nimble,Uncivilized
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Damn cats!
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Drago '69 Coupe R #464 |
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12-15-2005, 09:26 AM
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In the shop at Pelican
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 10,459
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this is why i hate cats, despite the fact that im highly allergic to them.
My queensland heeler has broke a door off it's hinges in a well-meaning attempt to protect me from the UPS driver at the door. Now thats loyalty |
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12-15-2005, 09:47 AM
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Seldom Seen Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: California
Posts: 3,584
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The only reason cats don't eat us is because we're too big.
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Why do things that happen to white trash always happen to me? Got nachos? |
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12-15-2005, 09:53 AM
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Registered
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1974 911s "It smelled like German heaven" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ySt9SeZl9s |
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12-15-2005, 10:17 AM
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Registered
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: san jose
Posts: 4,982
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Thanks, Jeff. Well needed.
And oh so true.
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steve old rocket inguneer |
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12-15-2005, 10:20 AM
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N-Gruppe doesn't exist
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: *%@#ing GPS, where am I? Oh wait I see the Space Needle.
Posts: 4,394
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DOGS RULE!!!!
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Ted '70 911T 3.0L "SKIPPY" R-Gruppe #477 '73 914 2.0L SOLD bye bye "lil SMOKEY"  "Silence is Golden, but duct tape is SILVER.” other flat fours:'77 VWBus 2.0L & 2002 ImprezaTS 2.5L |
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12-15-2005, 10:28 AM
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Registered
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: southern RI USA
Posts: 1,513
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my border collie will eat you!
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Sepia brown 1971 911T. |
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12-15-2005, 10:30 AM
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Me like track days
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Kirkland, WA
Posts: 10,209
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So true, Jeff.
But we have a cat that thinks it is a dog....a tough ass no BS ex-farm cat
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- Craig 3.4L, SC heads, 964 cams, B&B headers, K27 HF ZC turbo, Ruf IC. WUR & RPM switch, IA fuel head, Zork, G50/50 5 speed. 438 RWHP / 413 RWTQ - "930 is the wild slut you sleep with who tries to kill you every time you "get it on" - Quote by Gabe Movie: 930 on the dyno |
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12-15-2005, 10:34 AM
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drag racing the short bus
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Location, Location...
Posts: 21,983
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I don't like cats, and cats know it. That seems to be why they keep jumping into my lap whenever I'm around them.
 Dogs do rule, btw. Hey, I recently heard Cheetahs are actually more related to dogs than cats. And hyenas are more related to cats than dogs. 
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The Terror of Tiny Town |
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12-15-2005, 10:36 AM
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Cars & Coffee Killer
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: State of Failure
Posts: 32,246
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Quote:
We went to the humane society for a small breed dog. They didn't have any...so we decided to take a look in the cat room (they kept all of the cats together in one, big room) before leaving. I walked in, and a kitten that had been sitting on the counter next to the door walked up my arm and sat on my shoulder. He didn't leave the entire visit. He just sat there, and purred. When we filled out the papers to adopt him, they told us that he was almost destroyed because he was so anti-social with the other cats... When I come home from work everyday, he sits in the front window until he sees my truck. When he hears the garage door go up, he runs into the kitchen and waits for me to open the door. He won't let me do anything until I pick him up and pet him...then after a minute or tow he wants down and goes about his business. He is very active. He even plays fetch. When my in-laws brought down their Maltese, my cat seemed to think "dinner". He hunted that dog around the house, pouncing with claws drawn and taking tufts of fur and drawing blood.
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Some Porsches long ago...then a wankle... 5 liters of VVT fury now -Chris "There is freedom in risk, just as there is oppression in security." |
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12-15-2005, 10:43 AM
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1987 Porsche 911 Targa 3.2
1974 Porsche 911s
