Intelligent Design defeated in PA schools

[Flatbutt1]

I for one am happy with this decision to keep ID out of the science classes



HARRISBURG, Pennsylvania (CNN) -- A Pennsylvania school district cannot teach in science classes a concept that says some aspects of science were created by a supernatural being, a federal judge has ruled.

In an opinion issued Tuesday, U.S. District Judge John Jones ruled that teaching "intelligent design" would violate the Constitutional separation of church and state.

"We have concluded that it is not [science], and moreover that ID cannot uncouple itself from its creationist, and thus religious, antecedents," Jones writes in his 139-page opinion posted on the court's Web site. (Opinion, pdf)

[DaveE]

The judge was a Reagan appointee.

[KNS]

FSM

[Flatbutt1]

Originally posted by KNS
FSM

???

[kach22i]

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0700/creation.html

After years of vehement denial, the world�s only three scientists who are smart enough to believe in the Bible�s Genesis creation history have now conceded that so-called �evolution� did occur. Dr. Marcus Neiman, chairman emeritus of Creation Anthropology at Landover Baptist University, published his important findings in an article entitled �It Took A True Christian To Find The Missing Link,� which will appear in the August edition of the highly respected Mississippi Community Technical College Journal of Christian Scientific Stuff and Extraterrestrial Phenomena.

Since before the Scopes trial, Satan has been trying to trick gullible humans into thinking their great-great-great-great-great-great granddaddy was a hairy, unsaved baboon. The Devil�s insulting story was aided and abetted by secular scientists who were all too eager, knowing that man was created in God�s image, to make the Lord out to look like a damned monkey. But Landover Baptist scientists, with a generous grant from the Concerned Women for Traditional Values Family Research Coalition Foundation, have now ripped the lid off Lucifer�s little anthropological freak show.

Relying on a hunch inspired by the Holy Spirit, Landover Creation-Paleontologists have conclusively determined that American Christians, godsimage christianus americanus, are exactly as God created them 6,000 years ago, when He created the universe in six days. Other breeds of lesser hominids, which pass themselves off as decedants of Adam, however, actually have a few apes swinging from their family trees.

�As True Christians have long suspected,� said Dr. Neiman at a press conference, �homosexuals are clearly sub-humans. They are descended from homo erectus (named for their disgusting, perverted behavior and because of their pornographic tumescence in the face of their perversion) and were molesting orangutans from the sixth day of Creation up until around the sinking of the Lusitania. They are a prime example of what we Christians like to call unnatural selection.�

Appearing on the highly regarded news program, 700 Club Tuesday, Dr. Neiman told Brother Pat Robertson: �The Apostle Paul was very clear that women are a bunch of trouble-makers who ought best keep their little mouths shut. 1 Timothy 2:11-14. As you know, Lucifer loves telling lies to help the feminazis. And the little ladies don�t like to take responsibility for all of the people Eve pushed down the primrose pathway to Hell. So they started pointing fingers at those sweet little monkeys. You see, if they could prove that evolution happened to Christians, there was no Eve to blame. I�m sure the Lord wanted to all but spit in their faces when He heard that one! But I am here to tell you that so-called �evolution� did occur, but not to Eve or any of those hellions she raised.�

"You know, the funny part," Dr. Robertson chimed in, "is how the evil evolutionists can't answer the basic questions such as, 'if evolution is true, why are there still monkeys? I mean, except for the other kind. It's just godlessness run amuck. These evolutionists are blinded by their sin. I want to ask all our viewers to join me now in a silent imprecatory prayer against them."

Using three-color flow charts, Dr. Neiman then revealed his findings: �God created human beings separate from primates. There are different kinds of hominids, just like there are different kinds of mustard. There are small primates called chimpanzees. They are the cute little fellows who live in trees, like the one in that movie our greatest President, Ronald Reagan, starred in -- �Bedtime for Bonzo.� Now that was a movie, and God bless that man. There are large primates that live on the jungle floor and scare missionaries, who, being Christians, are armed against them. They are called gorillas. There are even primates that play basketball, rob liquor stores, organize marches and make some attempt at imitating human speech. They are called Negroes. Regrettably, if there is such a thing a �natural selection,� most of them have selected to be naturally lazy. They are living examples of the Lord�s unfinished business because these more primitive hominids are still evolving.�

�Well, obviously,� chimed in a compassionate Pat Robertson, �and I wish them all Godspeed. But the very last thing we need is more liberal Democrats wanting to hand the country over to them.�

Landover Baptist researchers� breakthrough came very serendipitously. �We had just finished a charming prayer-dinner when one of the scientist�s wives asked permission to speak. She then asked, �How in the world do you think Lena Horne got so darn white looking? Is it is genetic?� The scientists present had no ready explanation for the singer�s surprisingly Caucasian-like complexion and elocution. The next week, they decided to solve this scientific mystery by tracing Mrs. Horne�s DNA. After an initial setback, when it was discovered that the hair sample that had led the researchers to a remote village in Korea had actually come from one of the singer�s wigs, the Baptist Scientists found themselves on a hillside in Syria.

In Syria, Baptist Creation Scientists began noting that the hominid remains were surrounded by fossilized watermelon seeds and chicken bones. �This is a standard marker that indicates that the paleontological remains are most likely that of colored bipeds,� noted Dr. Neiman. �But whereas the chicken bones we had found near the australopithecine remains on our Sub-Saharan digs tended to be from pieces of necks and wings, the fossil record in Syria was pointing more towards the more expensive breast meat. Clearly, we were dealing with a more advanced and sophisticated strain of hominid, which we labeled homo lena hornus. We felt confident that the Lord had led us to Lena�s kin. Also, the extra foot-bone that Negroes are known to have was noticeably absent.�

The Creation Science Laboratory released a statement to the 152,000 members of Landover Baptist Church following the release of Dr. Neiman�s conclusive findings. That statement mentioned that the REAL issue facing Bible-believing Christians today is the hard question of "primate salvation." �God has forced us to share with these crude creatures in this life,� said Pastor Deacon Fred. �The big question is, do we want them in the next?� Some church members expressed a tepid inclination to see if the homo lena hornus strain of hominids could be saved.

Said the widow Mrs. Franswilling, �We gave Pastor $1,200 to get our Scottish Terrier, Lucy, to accept Jesus so she could join us in Heaven, so I don�t see why some of the better-behaved coloreds couldn�t be saved, too. They just need to know that there is no place for that uppity attitude of theirs in the hereafter. I can�t image God putting up with that for a second. I know I wouldn�t.�

[kang]

Here's a quote from the ruling:

"Those who disagree with our holding will likely mark it as the product of an activist judge. If so, they will have erred as this is manifestly not an activist Court. Rather, this case came to us as the result of the activism of an ill-informed faction on a school board, aided by a national public interest law firm eager to find a constitutional test case on ID, who in combination drove the Board to adopt an imprudent and ultimately unconstitutional policy. The breathtaking inanity of the Board's decision is evident when considered against the factual backdrop which has now been fully revealed through this trial. The students, parents, and teachers of the Dover Area School District deserved better than to be dragged into this legal maelstrom, with its resulting utter waste of monetary and personal resources."

[notfarnow]

Originally posted by flatbutt
???

Flying Spaghetti Monster

[Don Plumley]

Another victory for the FSM!

Have you been touched by his noodly appendage? Ramen!

[kach22i]

Stalin's half-man, half-ape super-warriors
http://news.scotsman.com/international.cfm?id=2434192005

CHRIS STEPHEN AND ALLAN HALL

THE Soviet dictator Josef Stalin ordered the creation of Planet of the Apes-style warriors by crossing humans with apes, according to recently uncovered secret documents.

Moscow archives show that in the mid-1920s Russia's top animal breeding scientist, Ilya Ivanov, was ordered to turn his skills from horse and animal work to the quest for a super-warrior.

According to Moscow newspapers, Stalin told the scientist: "I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat."

In 1926 the Politburo in Moscow passed the request to the Academy of Science with the order to build a "living war machine". The order came at a time when the Soviet Union was embarked on a crusade to turn the world upside down, with social engineering seen as a partner to industrialisation: new cities, architecture, and a new egalitarian society were being created.

The Soviet authorities were struggling to rebuild the Red Army after bruising wars.

And there was intense pressure to find a new labour force, particularly one that would not complain, with Russia about to embark on its first Five-Year Plan for fast-track industrialisation.

Mr Ivanov was highly regarded. He had established his reputation under the Tsar when in 1901 he established the world's first centre for the artificial insemination of racehorses.

Mr Ivanov's ideas were music to the ears of Soviet planners and in 1926 he was dispatched to West Africa with $200,000 to conduct his first experiment in impregnating chimpanzees.

Meanwhile, a centre for the experiments was set up in Georgia - Stalin's birthplace - for the apes to be raised.

Mr Ivanov's experiments, unsurprisingly from what we now know, were a total failure. He returned to the Soviet Union, only to see experiments in Georgia to use monkey sperm in human volunteers similarly fail.

A final attempt to persuade a Cuban heiress to lend some of her monkeys for further experiments reached American ears, with the New York Times reporting on the story, and she dropped the idea amid the uproar.

Mr Ivanov was now in disgrace. His were not the only experiments going wrong: the plan to collectivise farms ended in the 1932 famine in which at least four million died.

For his expensive failure, he was sentenced to five years' jail, which was later commuted to five years' exile in the Central Asian republic of Kazakhstan in 1931. A year later he died, reportedly after falling sick while standing on a freezing railway platform.

Super-troopers: Stalin wanted Planet of the Apes-like troops, insensitive to pain and hardship

[Flatbutt1]

Sorry Kach, I'm not getting the drift of your posts.

[kach22i]

Originally posted by flatbutt
Sorry Kach, I'm not getting the drift of your posts.

No outragous statments, only outragous articles........easier on the brain.

[island_dude]

I am not surprised by this ruling. The judge was pretty ticked off at least two of the defense witnesses for blatent lies. The school board did not make a very good case, and the Thomas Moore lawyers seemed much more interested in granstanding than conducting an effective defense.

[notfarnow]

Originally posted by Don Plumley
Another victory for the FSM!

Have you been touched by his noodly appendage? Ramen!

Yes I have been. In fact, I am dressed as a pirate right now.

[Jeff Higgins]

Originally posted by kach22i
[B]Stalin's half-man, half-ape super-warriors

Shaq?

[Flatbutt1]

Originally posted by kach22i
No outragous statments, only outragous articles........easier on the brain.

ahh, my bad!

[jyl]

I'm completely confused by the posts about Planet of the Apes, Stalin, and primate salvation.

But, getting back to the Dover PA decision, it seems sensible and unsurprising. The Supreme Court rued in 1987 that creationism, being a religious doctrine rather than a scientific theory, may not be taught in public schools. A straightforward application of the separation of church and state, I would think. Now we have so-called intelligent design, and it seems laughable to pretend that intelligent design isn't simply a repackaged and slightly watered-down version of creationism, being pushed by the same religious groups for the same motives.

In his opinion, the judge said he found the testimony of Barbara Forrest, a historian of science, very persuasive. She had presented evidence that the authors of an intelligent design textbook, "Of Pandas and People, merely removed the word "creationism" from an earlier edition and substituted it with "intelligent design" after the Supreme Court's ruling in 1987. http://www.nytimes.com/2005/12/20/science/sciencespecial2/20cnd-evolution.html?incamp=article_popular_5

The judge is a life-long Republican. He grew up in a coal town to a family of miners. He was appointed to the bench in 2002 by Bush. He has political connections with Senators Santorum and Specter. He's run for Congress (I assume on the Republican ticket). He acknolwledged in an interview that Pres Bush and Sen Santorum both supported the teaching of intelligent design, but said "It doesn't have any bearing on me." Considering all this, I think it was pretty ballsy for him to be so blunt in his decision. http://www.nytimes.com/2005/12/18/national/18judge.html

[Don Plumley]

Originally posted by notfarnow
Yes I have been. In fact, I am dressed as a pirate right now.

Wonderful - you are helping to prevent global warming!

[IROC]

Originally posted by island_dude
The school board did not make a very good case, and the Thomas Moore lawyers seemed much more interested in granstanding than conducting an effective defense.

I would opine that there is no way the school board could have made a good case in the first place. Luckily, rational thought prevailed in this case and the obvious fact that "Intelligent Design" doesn't belong in a science classroom was clearly reinforced.

Now if Kansas could just wake up and smell the coffee.

Mike

[kach22i]

Originally posted by jyl
I'm completely confused by the posts about Planet of the Apes, Stalin, and primate salvation. [/url]

Stalin must of believed in evolution and thought it could be reversed.

Perhaps this freaky discovery should of had it's own thread.

My bad.

[vash]

i am more confused about the "shaq" reference.