And How Is This My Fault?

[Drago]

Originally posted by onewhippedpuppy
8 years and you haven't realized that you're always at fault. That's part of your job, designated dumbass. She's never done anything wrong in her life, remember?

I see you've met my wife...

[austin552]

A woman without a phone??
The end is truly near...

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally posted by Drago
I see you've met my wife...

Perhaps we've married the same woman?!

[kuehl]

#1 It was not your fault. Tell her this and take a firm stance.
If she does not agree with you then go to step #2

#2 Bring her back to the scene of the accident. Point out that the had the car had a proper suspension the phone should have slid off the minute you started the car. Tell her that it is time for some "upgrades!" Once again, take a firm stance. If she does not agree with you or she laughs at you, look very hurt, like a puppy and then go to step #3

#3 Explain that had you invested in an new suspension, tire/wheels, stereo and naturally a phone that beeps loud enough when you pull away from its base, none of this would happen. If she laughs louder and starts to shout at you then go to step #4

#4 It is important that you do some pre-planning, print out a copy of what's below and keep it in your glove box. It is also a good idea to carry one in you wallet. Note the blank space to be filled in as needed.

The Marriage Limited Warranty

The husband offers the following Limited Warranty for (fill in the blank here, such as “driving down road with non approved phones or accessories) exclusively to the spouse during normal use in the marriage in which such they/it was originally intended. All assumptions or suspicions made by the spouse must be confirmed by qualified parties (here you put in your friends name) experienced with the particular issues. This Limited Warranty is not transferable to subsequent spouses. There are no warranties which extend beyond the description on the face hereof. Any alteration or additions to this original document are null and void. The husband DISCLAIMS ANY IMPLIED WARRANTY OF MERCHANTABILITY. Husband does not warrant any product or activity to meet the specifications, mandates or requirements of any safety code, design, model, drawing, bill of material, component, system, manual, part number or description of or under any country, federal, state, county, province, city, township, borough or municipal government or manufacturers or requirements. THERE IS NO WARRANTY, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED AS TO FITNESS OF ANY PRODUCT or ACTIVITY FOR ANY PARTICULAR USE OR PURPOSE; NONE AS TO ANYTHING ELSE UNLESS CONTINUED ON THE FACE OF THIS WARRANTY HEREOF. Where the husband specifically guarantees any product or activity, and there is a breach of such warranty, then the spouses only and exclusive remedy shall be the repair or replacement of the product or outsourcing of the activity to remedy such defect. The decision to remedy, replace or repair the product or outsource the activity shall be in the sole discretion of the husband. THIS SHALL BE THE LIMIT OF the husband’s LIABILITY. The spouse must notify husband via registered mail along with copies of this original LIMITED WARRANTY and original proof of marriage license within 30 DAYS after claim of any breach, assumption or suspicion and discovery thereof, which claim shall be within the warranty period stated herein, otherwise such clauses shall be deemed waived. In addition to these terms for waiver of this LIMITED WARRANTY, any such case that the product or activity is tampered with, disassembled, misused, improperly installed or maintained, subject to contamination or abnormal conditions, effected by other abnormally operating or improper components, configurations, settings, or systems, all warranties of the face hereof shall be deemed waived. Final determination as to the validity of any warranty claim shall reside with husband. THERE ARE NO WARRANTIES WHICH EXTEND BEYOND THE DESCRIPTION OF THE FACE HEREOF. THERE IS NO IMPLIED WARRANTY OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. No parties other than husband have the authority to waive or vary any of the terms of this LIMITED WARRANTY of the face hereof. This LIMITED WARRANTY shall commence on the date of the marriage certificate and will remain in effect for the time period there of. In the event of a warranty claim authorized by husband any remaining period of such warranty shall commence upon the date husband replaces such warranted merchandise. This Limited Warranty excludes all goods sold/distributed by husband which are not manufactured, repaired or re-manufactured by husband (hereinafter "other items). The spouse shall direct all claims and liabilities for "other manufacturers" items to that specific manufacturer and not the husband.

It is important to closely observe the wife's reading of the document. Is she laughing, crying, making a fist, etc.
Here you have to be the judge as to whether to move on to step# 5. If you laughs the give her a hug and take her out to dinner. Along the way stop at Staples and let her pick out the new phone. IMPORTANT: do not bring your wallet into the store. Let her use her credit card.

No on the other hand, if she makes any quick movements, you have to move quick. It is best if you are closer to an exit than she is. What works good is to tell her to sit in the car and close the door. Stick close by but keep your distance.

#5 Have your cell phone handy and have the speed dial set for your closest friend. Run like hell down the street and press the speed dial button. Have your friend pick you up at the first safe corner you come to. Then meet us all down at Hooter's and we'll figure out step #6

[Z-man]

Good stuff kuehl.

[snowman]

ITs just YOUR FAULT!!!!

my wife was looking over my shoulder and I had to say it.

[onewhippedpuppy]

That's good stuff kuehl, but I would have been lucky to survive step 1. You must have a patient wife.

[kuehl]

....puppy

Its all about experience. You see my first wife punch me in the nose so many times it's numb. So I don't mind close encounters (you need to be close to win).

Sometimes you have to approach these problems like you are playing roulette: You know there is almost a 50/50 chance that things could end up black or red.

So what you do is ignore the odd's of chance for the first part of the analysis and focus on the statisitics, if red came up 8 times in a row then its time to place your money on black.

Remember, you have to stay in control of the situation however never let the spouse assume your behaviour is always predictable.

Do you have a trustworthy number programmed in for your "speed dial". ?



I]That's good stuff kuehl, but I would have been lucky to survive step 1. You must have a patient wife.[/I]

[M.D. Holloway]

Wayne - that socket set was a Christmas gift from my 6 year old last year - it does the trick for sure.

We priced phones last night at Target. Next is Best Buy than Sams. Such choices. I should start a thread on which one to get. I had less confusion buyig a desktop than trying to sort through the cordless phone fiasco.

Thinking of replacing the other two and buying a 3 pack deal - 3 cordless with one answering machine.

[M.D. Holloway]

kuehl - you are diabolical! I may infact use this on the pond mud running shoe incident of 12/30. (which I caught more ***** for because I tracked mud into the house)

[Moses]

Originally posted by LubeMaster77
...I tracked mud into the house

Ever hear this classic?

"It's like having two kids, and you're more trouble than the little one!"

[juanbenae]

Originally posted by LubeMaster77
I may infact use this on the pond mud running shoe incident of 12/30. (which I caught more ***** for because I tracked mud into the house)

you tracked mud in the house after all that? no wonder she blames you, you're an easy mark.

[B D]

You can be right or married, it's your choice.

[vash]

wow, lube. you fool, i cant believe you broke your phone.

now go and do what all guys do. go out and buy a waaay better one.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally posted by B D
You can be right or married, it's your choice.

Brilliant!

kuehl, I think you're playing with better odds than I am.