Anyone married a control nightmare?

[alf]

Does she dress in leather and whip you in bed?

[livi]

On a more evolutionary, primitive level women as a group need to be in control of their immediate environment. Their reproductive success is dependent on them having control over the home (cave) and immediate family members. They are in charge at home cause they need to be able to nurse they offspring under optimal circumstances. They donīt get a "second chance".

Males, on the other hand, have a different biological strategy. Producing offspring with as many females as possible yields a plausible infant survival rate - even without that much of parental care.

Thus, females need to be in control. Males donīt (generally speaking).

As a personal side note, my spouse is a total control freak. The odd correctional beating does help though..

Sorry for ranting.

[LeRoux Strydom]

Women marry men hoping they (the men) will change.

Men marry women hoping they (the women) will never change.


Sadly, hopes on both sides fade with time....

[JeffO]

Why is it that no matter what we do to our cars, it is always rationalized in the end as to the " seat of our pants feeling ", and when we pick women we also seem to think with whats in our pants.

[schamp]

Tell her to put the " coo coo back in the clock" and run like hell smiling and go have a single malt scotch.

[Rick Lee]

This reminds me of an ex I had, who was a militant pornophobe. It was so ridiculous that I couldn't say the words "strip bar" without her hitting the roof. In my naivete, I thought she'd mellow out. During one of her rants, she said to me, "You know, I've dated a lot of guys and never met one who looked at porn." Ha ha!!!! I'm not making this up. I said, "Then you've dated a lot of liars and should be happy you found someone like me who is proud to admit I look at porn and trade it with my friends like we used to do with baseball cards." Anyway, glad she's gone.

[vash]

come on men! everyone of you can honestly say you never let a woman have her way? i for one, have been trained to leave the toilet seat up.

[Don Ro]

Originally posted by Rick Lee
"...and should be happy you found someone like me who is proud to admit I look at porn and trade it with my friends like we used to do with baseball cards."

If you have found a woman who is blasé about your investment in porn, I'd say you have found the exception.
So far, anyway. Good luck with that.
.
BTW, I couldn't care less about porn (I find it dehumanizing) - I prefer the real thing.
And I don't lie - quite the opposite...to the shock of many who meet me.
So, it sounds like I'm one of those to whom your ex referred.
There are a few of us out here.
.
Again, good luck young fella.

[cstreit]

Scary...

Have you considered sitting her down and asking her what, exactly, bothers her about these things? Is it the "scantily clad women" someone else referenced?

I find the concept of not being able to walk into a magazine store, etc.. somewhat extreme. In fact I would suggest asking here what bothers her about these things, which is probably along these lines. It sounds like it's less about "control" and more about extreme insecurity. (ie If you see the unobtainable models, perhaps you'll expect her to live up to that standard).

Sounds like some serious and regular reassurance is in order but also a fairly clear line be drawn as well. "Walking into a news store is normal every day behaviour that does not compromise our relationship. I will continue to do it, but understand that it does not mean I don't care about you" or something along those lines.

I know that sounds kind of "Dr. Phil" but it is clear that she has an issue with something other than "You can't go into that store" and is more concerend with what it may represent. Address that behavior, not the symptom. People can change, it's just a LOT of hard work.

[KFC911]

Originally posted by cstreit
.... People can change...

But it's so much easier just to 'change people' ....RUN!

[Porsche-O-Phile]

+1. Buh-bye. Worst case is you have to go without some nookie for a while, but you'll find some nice young thing soon enough.

"Compromise" and the willingness to do it is not the same as "change" or attempting to force the same unilaterally and exclusively on the part of the other party.

Maybe "compromise" in this case would be, "okay fine I'll throw out the old car mags if you start doing the dishes topless".

It's a wonder my wife stays with me. . .

[Don Ro]

Originally posted by cstreit
People can change, it's just a LOT of hard work.

Yes, and the "work" is very simple, but NOT painless...because being under the influence of the drive to control is a symptom (as you say), not a cause.
Getting down to, and embracing, the cause is what is painful.
So only those who see it as self-defeating are willing to go there.
Not unlike an alcoholic (or any other addict) who "hits bottom."
.
We all control, at some level.

[Rick Lee]

Originally posted by Don Ro
If you have found a woman who is blasé about your investment in porn, I'd say you have found the exception.
So far, anyway. Good luck with that.
.
BTW, I couldn't care less about porn (I find it dehumanizing) - I prefer the real thing.
And I don't lie - quite the opposite...to the shock of many who meet me.
So, it sounds like I'm one of those to whom your ex referred.
There are a few of us out here.
.
Again, good luck young fella.

Really? I think every gf I've had since her has been at least as into porn as any guy I know. I don't think it's quite an exception. The porn thing is very minor and unimportant, but it's a very good test to see if a woman has issues.

[1fastredsc]

say bye

[Joeaksa]

Originally posted by gavinlit
Yup deadly serious. She was sweet as pie in every other aspect but what a flaw to have. Happily I have a good mates bucks day tomorrow so plenty of opportunity to drink & make the world right with a buch of mates.

If you really, really like her, then sit her down and have a "come to Jesus" talk with her. Tell her that you liked her up until the past week or so but something happened to cause you to look at the relationship.

Tell her that neither of you need to change the way that you feel and that she was happy with you before, so what is the issue now? The magazine is not the issue, it just brought out something that was hiding below...

Find out what it was and work with it. If she was a keeper for 2 years then its worth a bit of work to see if you can save it. Otherwise move on.

joeA

[FrayAdjacent911]

[Flatbutt1]

Originally posted by FrayAdjacent911

oh brother does that ever say it all!!!! HA!

[lendaddy]

You need to understand that some guys have made a hobby out of bad relationships. Usually these are guys with otherwise little strife or struggle in their everyday lives so they invite some in via crazy women, they enjoy/crave the fight. Do NOT be this guy, do NOT ride the snake of desire, run the F away

[450knotOffice]

As a guy who has been happily married for almost 19 years (my wife and I are truly best friends), my advice would be this: talk to her first. Find out what's really going on in her mind. Why is she so insecure? If you still seem to sense a deep seated need to control you, then give it up and move on.

I cannot imagine a marriage in which one or both of us tries to "control" the other. Control implies a lack of trust, which will kill a relationship every time.

[stuartj]

Whats her mother like?