What do you do, when you can't get over someone?

[pwd72s]

I dunno about slo Dave...but back in the day I'd weather out dry spells with a copy of playboy and a roll of paper towels.

[Type911]

Originally posted by pwd72s
I dunno about slo Dave...but back in the day I'd weather out dry spells with a copy of playboy and a roll of paper towels.

Jeezo, I thought we were on a need to know basis here on OT.

ROTFLMAO !

[Moses]

Originally posted by nostatic
Good advice a friend of mine gave me when I was going through one of my breakups: go out and do something for someone else (ie, volunteer).

Today there was a Heal the Bay beach cleanup at Venice (over at noon though). Next weekend there is a cleanup at Malibu creek. Doesn't cost you anything other than the gas (use the p-car to get there) and a few hours. Good for the soul...and there may be chicks

http://www.healthebay.org

http://www.healthebay.org/calendar/months/2007_03.asp

Volunteering is a great idea, but be careful if you want to meet girls. If you do an environmentalist gig, you'll likely meet girls who want to talk politics. On the other hand, if you volunteer at a wildlife hospital or an animal rescue group you'll be surrounded by girls who are overwhelmed by your sensitivity. Girls love guys who are kind to animals. It's an absolute fact.

[livi]

Originally posted by Moses
Volunteering is a great idea, but be careful if you want to meet girls. If you do an environmentalist gig, you'll likely meet girls who want to talk politics. On the other hand, if you volunteer at a wildlife hospital or an animal rescue group you'll be surrounded by girls who are overwhelmed by your sensitivity. Girls love guys who are kind to animals. It's an absolute fact.

As well as kind to children..

[nostatic]

yeah. listen to nirvana. worked for cobain...

[livi]

Dave,

I am getting a bit concerned here. At first I read your post as a reaction to a real world situation. At that, your feelings are natural and your system will mend in good time.

Now I see several posters using the term depressed/depression. That is indeed a whole other ball game if that should be the case.

I am not going to play psychiatrist and start to put diagnostic questions to you - but if your state of mind displays a more profound and general feeling of darkness you may want to consult a professional.

Note, I am not implying this is the case, but several posters that actually speak English have used the term depressed and I thought I may be missing something in your story for lack of the language. Hence my concern.

[scottmandue]

Not to be negative but what do hospitable volunteers do? I'm one of those people that are a little phobic about hospitals and it sounds like it might be unpleasant.

[Shaun @ Tru6]

Originally posted by scottmandue
Not to be negative but what do hospitable volunteers do? I'm one of those people that are a little phobic about hospitals and it sounds like it might be unpleasant.

There are several opps. You can be a glorified delivery boy. You can help with recreational activities for kids, and many hospitals have Craft Cart or similar. But I bet you'd look great in a candy striper outfit!

[slodave]

No doubt, I am depressed. I have also spent many years with a psychologist growing up do to mood swings/sugar imbalance - turned out at the time it was more of an ADHD issue that was misdiagnosed because people did not really understand what it was back then. Now it is ADD and I function better without medication for it. I have also taken Paxil a few years ago and while it did keep my spirits up, there were other side effects that made staying on the pills no fun and I stopped. I was on 80 mg. of the stuff, most people are on half of that.

I needed to talk with her again regarding something left over from work. That's when things went south again this week. Last week and the week before, we had no spoke or texted and I was actually cheering up.

I cannot run anymore do to previous knee injuries, but I did start roller blading again and go every day and blade for at least 5 miles. I also lift weights, but at home. I have all the equipment and can keep a fairly regular schedule at home. I also have been eating healthy. Today was the first time in over a month that I ordered a double cheese burger from the local burger joint with my flying buddies. As for volunteering, not a bad suggestion. I don't do well in hospitals. I have had my fare share of stitches, gapping wounds, severe burns...

My mom is into the environmental thing and I have as well for most of my life and know very well the types of "chicks" that I could meet. Maybe the wildlife thing though...

I don't think I would be as torn over this, if we both decided things were not going to work, but since I was blindsided by it, it's a different story. Adoption comes into play as well. I was rejected at birth, no post natal bonding for me. Studies show that this affects children and how they deal with rejection.

Dave

[tabs]

1. Nobody is a mind reader, so nobody really knows what U need. U have to take care of yourself cause no one is going to do it for you. There is an old saying that you can't take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself first. When U stand up for yourself many times someone will accuse U of being selfish, that person is trying to manipulate you for their own ends.

2. I am going to be countervailing here, I think U need a bit of time to grieve over the end/death of the relationship and, to take stock of the situation. I believe in the Natural Process of healing and not try and force something U do not have your heart in. Time will heal and give perspective, and everyones timetable is different.

3.Even as painfull as it maybe, I think it is best if U did stop talking to the GFs child, I would also be very clear and explain the situation to the child as to why your going to stop. I think they would call that closure, for U, but most importantly for the child. Children need every break they can get.

4. I don't know anything about your ADD or any meds you might be taking, so I am not going to comment. That is between U and your MD.

If you have read what I written before U know I am not a fan of the happy pills. I think it is much better in the long run if one never starts on the things in the first place. It is better to learn how to deal with the Roller Coast Coaster of your emotions and life than become addicted to the marvel of modern medicine. which in effect just adds another problem that you have to deal with to get well or be one with your self.

[Dueller]

Caveats, disclaimers and disclosures: The following is simplistic advice. Although I am not a mental health professional, I've had to deal with painful breakups on a professional basis as a divorce attorney. Finally, I've been in your shoes personally.

The depression: You've been involved with MHP's enough to know whether this is situational or clinical depression. Take appropriate steps to get the help you need on the level you need. Recognize that other factors unrelated to the breakup may be affecting you (e.g., financial, professional, physiological, etc). Work on changing those things you have control over...let go of that you have no control over, specifically her unilateral breakup.

Although you say you weren't expecting it, own what you did "wrong" in the relationship. Just don't dwell on it beyond correcting it for future relationships. If you did nothing to jeopardize the relationship, then accept your failure to pick someone deserving of your affection. And move on.

Many men in particular who have been unilaterally dumped get angry and depressed over the fact of all they did for the other person that wasn't appreciated. If that's the case, my most important advice is BE SELFISH. DO STUFF JUST FOR YOU. REVEL IN THE FACT YOU HAVE TO TAKE NOBODY ELSE'S FEELINGS INTO ACCOUNT.

Finally...take some time before jumping into another committed relationship. A year at least. Get thru all the holidays and seasons and birthdays and anniversaries at least once on your own. It takes at least that long to get comfortable in your own skin . To find out who you are and what you want independent of who you are and what you want when involved with someone. This is not to say don't date or grudge fock or whatever yanks your chain. Just be selfish and refuse to commit so soon.

Good luck...a year from now you'll look back on this and it will seem roughly comparable to some girl you dated for 3 months in high school whose name you can't recall.

PS: If you drink, keep an eye on alcohol consumption...especially if you're on any psychotropics.

[Dueller]

Originally posted by Shaun 84 Targa
hospital volunteer. nurses are beat down by doctors day and night. show them some real respect and affection...

stress real BTW.

as a group, they're also the most "adventuresome" women you'll find.

Ya know why? 'cause they ain't squeamish about body fluids...none of 'em.

[slodave]

I doubt I will talk to her again at this point. The last of the business issues I need to take care of done. I am not taking any medication and won't. BTDT and it is not for me.

Anyway, I have flown my r/c glider today, had lunch with a couple of the retired guys from that club, was at my parents and tightened up the barrel nuts on the intake manifold - will replace gaskets in the near future. I also decided to cut the top off the air box that I had previously drilled. I know there is not supposed to be much (if any) performance gain, but the car did seem to rev a bit faster and seemed to pull a little harder. Finally, I cut off the plastic e-brake handle and will install a leather boot instead.

Now it is off to the park for a quick 5 mile roller blade and then home for the night.

Dave

[david914]

Originally posted by cool_chick
Edit to amend: David, I'm not saying you're like that, I'm sure you're not, please remember that, I just wanted to give him something to think about when proceeding with your suggestion, which BTW, is a good one.

No problem. Anything discussed with me in private stays private.

[M.D. Holloway]

Slo,
I don't mean to bring you down further but the truth is you will not get over her. The worst thing is, it will not be easy unless you do what I tell you. So...you have a choice. Continue to wallow or buck up. I don't think you will buck up so wallowing is cool enough.

Here is the plan - it works 100% of the time. Dominos is having a special on large pepperoni pizzas. $5/each. Go get your self a couple, and get your self a case of your favorite beer and a stack of classic movies with Boogie, Dean, Lancaster and McQueen and do a non stop movie fest. keep your cell phone handy as well as the laptop. You have to watch them in succession. Don't quit! You will need at least 10 movies, maybe 12.

Start a thread and keep us up to speed on the movies you watching and how your doing. Gives us your impression on the movies and pick out a few key lines. Complain, cry and whine about the tramps that have abused you and how they suck. After about 20 hours of this you will be ready for a good sleep. Hold off. Stay strong and keep going until you pass out.

When you wake up you will be over them. Trust me. Been there done that and it is the only thing that works 100%. But you have to follow it to the letter.

Have I ever steered you wrong before?

[Nostril Cheese]

another question, what do you do about unrequited love?

[slodave]

Mike, I don't have a working T.V. A couple of people have offered me an old one, maybe I should take them up on the offer. That way I could watch DVD's. I refuse to get cable or dish right now. There is never anything on and therefore a $70.- a month waste. I would need more than a case of beer

[Nostril Cheese]

Originally posted by LubeMaster77
Slo,
I don't mean to bring you down further but the truth is you will not get over her. The worst thing is, it will not be easy unless you do what I tell you. So...you have a choice. Continue to wallow or buck up. I don't think you will buck up so wallowing is cool enough.

Here is the plan - it works 100% of the time. Dominos is having a special on large pepperoni pizzas. $5/each. Go get your self a couple, and get your self a case of your favorite beer and a stack of classic movies with Boogie, Dean, Lancaster and McQueen and do a non stop movie fest. keep your cell phone handy as well as the laptop. You have to watch them in succession. Don't quit! You will need at least 10 movies, maybe 12.

Start a thread and keep us up to speed on the movies you watching and how your doing. Gives us your impression on the movies and pick out a few key lines. Complain, cry and whine about the tramps that have abused you and how they suck. After about 20 hours of this you will be ready for a good sleep. Hold off. Stay strong and keep going until you pass out.

When you wake up you will be over them. Trust me. Been there done that and it is the only thing that works 100%. But you have to follow it to the letter.

Have I ever steered you wrong before?

good advice, man

think ill get a pizza right now

[JavaBrewer]

+1 on Tab's comment. Not a person here can offer reliable advice in this situation.

That said here's my take. Limit the booze and high calorie foods. Concentrate on stuff you like to do. Get your professional life in order. Take a 3-4 day vacaction with friends. Find peace with yourself b4 seeking female compainionship. This suggestion is manifested from 25 years of dealing with similar circumstances.

[slodave]

I changed my diet a month or so ago. I have been reading calorie charts non-stop as well. Going overboard really. No real junk food to speak of. My parents have a really fancy scale that tells you too much info and is a pain to program - I just wanted to weigh myself. The thing told me I have 10% body fat. I have to get on the scale again to double check, but if I do, maybe I should order the Domino's special. I dig Domino's!