If someone found out your kid was using drugs would want to know?

[LeeH]

Chuck - had to be a tough choice. I knew you were going through some stuff, but didn't know it was this heavy.

When my parents quit helping my brothers they improved a bit, but never really got better. My brother who's closest to me in age is in end-stage liver disease from Hepatitis C. He's going down hill fast. I always wonder if there's anything my parents could have done to straighten out my brothers. It was tough to watch as a kid, but it kept me from going down the same path.

[charleskieffner]

heres the thing about substance abuse.............its a choice....period. yes i want to do it..........no i dont want to do it!

older son made bad choices. ex made bad choices.

booze/illegal drugs/prescribed drugs you will hear the same bull**** lines from them when their world is simultaneously implodeing/exploding.

"its all your fault"

"you never did anything for me"

"you were a POS dad/husband"

" im an adult and i know what im doing"

i'll drink whenever i feel like it"

it doesnt hurt you"

my fave-"its OK to drink w/prozac!???"

"its my business, not yours"

blah blah blah blah..............same old ******* crap!


having been thru it twice now, i kinda have a grip on it.

it will eat you alive if not kill you. you become codependant!!! and that really sucks big time!

ever wonder why i finished my degrees so late in life?

lets see, abnormal psych.

sociology

both the above have all sorts of answers to why people do stupid things. and hurt others in the process.

nobody can hurt me any more!

nobody can take anything away!

when your so beat up by loved ones that are ruining their lives w/drugs/booze, that you CANT EVEN FIND THE STRENGTH TO PULL THE HAMMER BACK ON YOUR .45 to end it all...............you know you have been beat up!


i used to be RICH! everydamn thing paid off house vehicles boat etc.

the ******* american dream!

BOOM! the big mushroom cloud in life........... a PROZAC/BOOZE DIVORCE!

then 8 years later another mushroom cloud........older son down the tubes for burglary/heroin/probation violation!

hell people have said "you should be on prozac"! FUCH THAT!


NOW..........despite all the crap..................IM RICHER THAN ALL OF YOU CLOWNS!

you know why?????




cuz i have my sanity back!

i have an incredible girlfriend that went thru the meth crap w/her brother and knows the whole drill and what it does to so many!

i have NO DYSFUNCTION in my life!

my younger son is back living w/me despite pyscho ex playing the "carrott game" with him, all these years. and i had joint custody. he even remarked "everything you said about mom was true the last 9 years!"

best $2000 bucks i ever spent on pyschological counseling was on my drum set! 100's of dollars of sticks and heads broken during all this crap in my life. surprised as hell that i didnt fall into the bottle and never come up for air!

when your in a 60 degree living room and dripping sweat, head to toe covered in sweat like a 122 degree day, i guess you can say your having a workout! do that 5-6-7 nights a week!

i am happier now than i have EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE! and i have broken the fun barrier quite a few times in 49 years and lived to tell about it. wasnt a saint but i never stuck a needle in my arm. probably worst thing i did when i was younger was ditched a cop on my dirt bike. both my ex and my older son have spent more time in jail than i ever did!

but the one common denominator btwn both of them??????

they didnt listen to a loved one, that cared for them! and listening is the most important virtue you can have on this planet. and whenever someone is abusing any substance, you MAY get 3 choices..........

1) rehab(this is the best you can ask for)

2)prison(2nd best at least their clean)

3) DEATH(not acceptable)

now you know why i bought a porsche...............IT MAKES ME HAPPY!

heres being rich:

health

happiness

friends/family

everything else is material and dont mean a damn thing!

[LeeH]

Have you seen the show Intervention on A&E? Wow! Personally, I find it hard to watch. If my daughter were older she'd be watching that every week.
http://www.aetv.com/intervention/

[berettafan]

Charles thank you for sharing your story.


It irks me to no end when people write off pot smoking or underage drinking as being 'part of growing up'.

[charleskieffner]

leeh im so sorry about your brother.

there is NOTHING your parents could have done, short of handcuffing them to your house.

every abuser wants to blame everyone else for their problems. reality is THEY are to blame. they made the choice..........PERIOD!

i have NO SYMPATHY FOR ABUSERS! NONE!

either clean up yer act or hit the bricks.

this is a defensive move. w/out that attitude along comes enabling/codependence and that crap will kill you.

junkies dont hang out at the track like us, they hang out only w/other junkies. MISERY LOVES COMPANY!

when the crap finally goes down they will blame everyone but themselves.

the most successful program ever for abusers to this day is the 12 step program. shrinks have found nothing better since it was introduced a bazzillion years ago.

once a drunk.............always a drunk.

once a junkie always a junkie.

the very second the abuser forgets that, they will be back at their old antics once again. its a super fine line btwn falling off wagon and sobriety.


we all make choices every second of the day. but some dont make wise choices. self centered is a word that comes to mind, when talking about substance abuse. abusers only think of themselves and getting high. its a pretty ugly situation for everyone involved.

in making my decision about my older son and going to the cops..........all i had to do was think of his friend DEAD in his closet w/puke all over him and a needle in his arm! parents were MEGA MEGA MEGA WEALTHY! UBER RICH! and now the kids parents are broken people for the rest of their lives. with an emptiness that noone or nothing can repair or replace, no matter how many porsches/helicopters/mansions they had.

it also came down to "could have, should have, would have" and i wasnt going to become the same broken person the other kids parents became by sitting on my ass!

im the ******* PREZ. OF "THE DO IT NOW FOUNDATION" ie. do me............and i will do you like you have never before seen in your life!


heres the statement from my older kid during last phone call when i told him i knew he was using again. " you were a POS dad", "you never did anything for me"! and with that beautiful statement.................i said to myself...."watch me now mutha fucher! and w/that i called the cops and went down to cop shop and spilled my guts!

maybe with luck someday he will thank me for what i did for him???

and the dirt bikes/and the totally restored 86 stepside 4x4 truck he crashed 3 times and then rolled into a beer can. and all the court dates i went to. and all the probation hearings i went to, all the piss tests i had to drive him to. the jobs i got for him.

yeah i guess i never did do anything for him.

well NOW I DID SOMETHING FOR HIM!

DYING AINT NO WAY OF LIVING!

yeah it was a hard call, yeah i beat the hell outta my drums mercifully, yeah i cried, yeah i prayed, yeah i went days/weeks w/out sleep. yeah i was happy as hell when cops finally caught him. yeah i spent a wad of money at patricks on my car. why do you think i took it to california mtr. speedway. driving there one way 367 miles. running it on track (5) times, in 3 days, and then driving 367 miles back by myself????

so i could clear my head of this crap!

my son got in with the wrong crowd.........period. he had curfews, he had to have job. he had to go to school. he had to do his chores. all the "normal" things to build responsibility and character. he chose the wrong friends and look where it got him!

when faced w/this.............you either do something to change it or let it run over you, like a burlington/northern santa fe freight train!

[Seahawk]

If I had not been caught by my parents I would not be where I am today...their toughness and irresolute stance against pot made all the difference. I've been able to carve out a nice life because they were parents first.

Back to the original question: I'd like to know what you found, what you think, but I'll work it from there.

[Schrup]

Mom has to know, or doesn't want to. If you have a teenage driver on your insurance & your not searching their car on the sly every couple of weeks, your asking for big trouble.

I found some bud on my 17 year old daughter's floor boards & pretty much revoked her driving privileges. Fact is, no matter what you do, if a kid wants to be a pothead, they'll be one. God knows I tried everything in my power to keep my daughter away from it. I hope private school works better for my son.

[the]

I think it's a myth that "all kids smoke/try pot."

Or even that most do. I believe most don't.

[M.D. Holloway]

I would want to know if Our Kids were hold'n, use'n or deal'n - hopefully the source was reliable and trustworthy and they told my Wife and I in confidence.

As for me telling someone else - depends on my relationship with them.