Moses...we do as well. We understand the importance of friends, activities, etc apart. Had she said "I'm gonna hang around late", she knows I wouldn't have had any issue with it. But implying that she was leaving "right behind me"? I went home, read a bit and went to sleep within 45 minutes and was not concerned. But I was when I woke up at 3 a.m. and she wasn't at home and only a missed call at 1230 a.m. with no message I became concerned. She could have taken a $10 cab ride if she didn't want to drive and we could have picked her car up today.

I'm at a loss...especially when she seems suprised at my anger over the inconsideration. She truly feels she has nothing to apologize for....she has apologized but it is insincere,

Mike, you're a poet! I'm pretty sure I'm no angel, but my wife is pretty close. She's the kindest woman I've ever met. She is unselfish, honest and loving. If I tell my wife I'll be home in an hour, I'll be home in an hour.

I feel for you. I'm not sure I'd have the strength to make a relationship like that work. Life is too short for this kind of insensitivity and selfishness.

Your marriage is supposed to be that safe, wonderful place where you escape these kind of torments.

I had a very similar experience in my first marriage. I never doubted her fidelity until I got Chlamydia.

Thanks for the counsel, Doc M. I guess at this juncture I just need to disengage for a while and revisit it later. Perhaps I am overreacting to a miscommunication. I don't think what she does is intentional...subconcious maybe, but not intended to be inconsiderate.

Oh well...thanks all

Well, if I was you I'd kick that b!tch to the curb. My wife (then fiancee) pulled that on me once.

ONCE.

Sorta like what do you say to a woman with two black eyes?


Nuttin'. You already told her twice:eek:

*sigh*

you didn't click my link, did you?

Best of luck...you're going to need it. Denial is a beautiful thing...

Nope. We had a good sit-down talking to (after I got some Dramamine in her to stop her from puking).

I think she truly just "didn't understand" and on top of it her "friends" were enabling that night's behavior. Never had a repeat since.

The link on Passive/agressive behavior?....yes I read it and told her that's what it appeared to be during our argument at 5 a.m.

Denial...isn't that a river in Egypt?;)

As angry as I am about her transgresssion, I'm perhaps more angry with the fact she doesn't "get it". Or atleast she is just paying lip service to my concerns so as to not provoke my "anger or control issues."

I would be disturbed if this happend repeatedly. I have done this to my wife on rare occasion, and she quiet rightly raised holy hell.

Its inconsiderate.

OK guys...you've had the big blow out fight. Nothing has really been resolved. What now when I go home tonite? Leave it alone?

well, if she doesn't get it then she won't do anything about it. First step is admiting that you have a problem. 5 times in 9 months? To me that is a pretty serious issue. Were I in your shoes, I would put my foot down and head straight to couples counseling.

No change, she needs to learn. Some folks don't get it. If she can learn then fine, but if she doesn't/won't, then that's a problem.

From my point of view, with only about 30 years with the same woman.....is there any chance that she just did a stupid thing, while under the influence, while with a bunch of party people and now she can't step down from her ego enough to say that she messed up.

I think if you see a pattern over the next while, maybe there is an issue, there is no real detail as to how well the two of you are getting along.

What would I do? The heat is over, make your point something like - "Hon, I love you a lot, I care for you and when you told me that you were right behind me and then didn't show up or call, I was worried there was a problem or you might be hurt. You scared the ***** out of me and I think it'd be good if we found a way so that we can keep that from happening again...can we work on it together?"

Yeah it sounds sucky, but maybe taking the "I'm right/you're wrong" out of it might be more productive.

But then what do I know....30 years, one woman...still in love.

Find a way to let her out of the corner she got herself into...and then discuss it.

Dennis

Get with your religious counselor or a shrink. The one who stayed and left the other waiting has ZERO respect for either party. Oh, it just gets worse. Look at my ex.

Oh, and the infidelity comes sooner than later if this is not addressed. Total lack of respect.

+1 on that!

I guess this is the root cause of 50% or so of all marriages ending in divorce....

Dueller? Perhaps you need an honest talk with yourself about your relationship with booze...

you're right. lack of communication and people thinking that the other person is the reason they're miserable.

self awareness is pretty painful. most people avoid it like the plague...