+1

For me to get married again three conditions would have to be met:
1 shes's independently wealthy
2 she has no family at all
3 she's in the final stages of a terminal disease

Ryan, let's catch a VH show on the east coast. I have a sick bunch of friends that will make you forget all your worries.

you may ask.... :p

anyway, thanks for the sympathies. don't think i can sum all that up in words and don't really feel up to trying for right now, respectfully.

been on my mind for quite a while, if i can take the time from all my flight students.

vh, sick friends, copious alcohol..and maybe that shot to put me out of my misery. i could count on you for accuracy, eh rick..? ;)

seriously..thanks to all who responded sensing my anguish. i'm just trying to work as much as i can right now to ease the incredibly surreal manner in which my life continues to weave. :confused:

and one of these days i'll figure out how to properly 'quote' everyone in a reply. sheeesh..

Never forget, Ryan, your life weaves in the direction you steer it. Your brain is the ship captian of that body. Pull that boat to safe waters. Livi is a beautiful example that it can be done, and the "rainbow" so-to-speak that lies in those safe waters. It's hard, so very hard, but not by any means impossible. :)

Some of the posts, sitting side by side, have terrible irony!

Yep, I'm on number 3.

#1 was truely crazy. Drugs, therapist, the whole nine yards. I never knew anything about that (I heard a couple of statements in college, but it was about weight loss). She was a the opposite of a narcicist. She tried to make herself happy, but she hated being a woman (really!) but liked the sexual control she had over men. She would reward favors with favors. Her MO was finding someone to do her work for her, then controlling them with sex.

#2. Sexual and Alcohol addict. It was fun for a while, but the low self esteem that drives this...

After getting divorced #2, I said to a friend: "50% of all marriages end in divorce. How can I get my average back up?"

In a dead pan, matter of fact tone, she simply said: "The next one is going to have to die."

The replies have been very very interesting.

Question now is: Where are 'most' of the responses from the currently married ones? Are they just somewhat embarass to say what really is happening? 2 separates nights a few months back, 2 of my married neighbors, on separate occassions, said in same context: " If this b!tch every leaves, I will never get married again."



I am stealing this pic from the other Pelican thread:
http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1189239508.jpg[

I've found an interesting although unscientific pattern over the past 40 years or so of observations:

If a girl's parents are still together and neither were ever divorced, chanced are better that she will be in a long term if not permanent marriage. If her parents are divorced, she'll look for a way out when things start to go bad instead of working to make them better.
With guys it's not as clear cut. The same pattern is evident but not as strong.

I tend to agree with that, Sammy. But what if a woman's parents are still together only because divorce is too much of a hassle? My fiance's parents, though they live in China, are in this situation, I believe. The mom doesn't much care when the dad comes home or what he does, hanging out with his buddies every night, playing mahjong. While the mom does what she wants with her friends. AFAIK, they make big decisions together, like buying a new house, renting the old one out, buying a new car, how to manage money, etc. But that's about the extent of it.

Ex #2, her parents were still married. She was on marriage #3 with me and is in #4 now.

Her father said this to me: "I have 3 sons and 3 daughters in law. I have 2 daughters and 5 sons in law. You figure it out..."

And she has never made it past 7 years. I have half a mind to call up one of our friends and see just what is going on, since she re-married in Oct 2000.

respectfully, redbeard..just my opinion, but i'd let sleeping dogs lay.

This is the classic case of "Cheaper to keep her/him than to get rid of her/him." Seriously, this is even worst in (forget the cultural statement) Asian culture. Divorce in Asia, I believe, is almost a taboo.

Very nice rebuttal/observation regarding Sammy's input. As a child, if my parents are still together because of too much hassle, they both would 'show' me that caring for your spouse is unimportant. They would also tend to fight a lot, yell in front of me, bad-mouth each other, etc. As a result, the child would 'think' that this is normal.

You know what I told my ex? "Listen, we are still friends. Before we become enemies, before we start yelling to each other, before we show no respect to each other in front of the children, before we show misery and unhappiness, we neeed to consider parting ways............." As a result of this, my kids (to quote teachers, friends, etc.) "act as if their parents are still together."



Rick,

I have been following your responses. All I could tell you is that there is almost 'no' perfect partner. It looks like you are 85% there; so, my advise is to go ahead and commit to the marriage/business venture. If it works out...great! If not, bail out. Life is a trial and error. Knowledge is what you read from books and what you hear; experience is your personal exposure to day-to-day circumstances you never expected.

Cab, I'm glad you and your ex were able to approach your divorce in such a mature way. Divorce is always sad, but far more so when the kids are drug through the mud with the parents. There is no reason any child should have to suffer through that.

I have seen couples just staying married for the kids and they are just kidding themselves. Children see right thru the act. Their view is without prejudice and untainted. Parents are their role models. If they see fighting arguing, etc, they will accept it as the norm. I live in an area where many couples separate after all their children are out of the house.

My family has struggled thru my separation from my wife. My oldest son is very angry at his mother. He is struggling to fine a spot he can have a relationship with her. My younger son has adjusted to it easier. My goal is to listen to them and help them mourn the loss of a family that is no longer together. Hopefully they take the lessons from this experience and use it for their future relationships. I expect them at some point to have an issue with me too. What I wanted from my marriage I didn't get and my ex-wife will tell you I let her down. No one wins here. As time passes, I don't miss any of the drama; I having a harder time remembering the good times; I clearly remember the ugly times. Maybe that's my defense mechanism that puts me at some peace.

I'm in the middle of this myself - just knowing other guys are getting through similar circumstances makes a difference! :)

Life is too short not to be happy, and it is long enough that you can try some new things to get yourself there. I found that making some new very good friends and the support of people I work with to be key, and the support of family is important too. I also have a wonderful girlfriend who has been-there-done-that in a marriage.

It amazed me how many "good" people I have known for a while are divorced, but they had the sense to get out after a year or two instead of 15 (with two kids). Everyone else had kind of a 'starter marriage'.

I guess I wasn't a quitter for too long but I always thought if I was patient long enough, it would work. In retrospect the only thing that I could have done differently was to leave after the second year, then we could have fixed things (she would have taken me seriously) or moved on. But I was surviving, and always thought "next week will be better", or "if I do this right it will work out".

At least it is reasonably amicable....so far. Should be final by the end of the year. The ups and downs are evening out and I know I am on the right path.

Bill,

I hear you loud and clear.