Luckily, my mother-in-law to be is a total MILF at the tender age of 55.

I guess I got to jump in on this one. Married at 35 to a girl I have known for a very long time. She not only good lookin' but smart too. Separated last year after 20 yrs of marriage; divorce papers file - in process.

Made some mistakes; My wife has suffers for anxiety and depression, hospitalized 2 times. I never could make her happy. She blamed me for everything and I accepted it. It's like trying to fill a glass of water that has no bottom. She wore me out. I could no longer carry this relationship so I changed to only carry 50% of the 100% of the relationship. She left Memorial day weekend last year and I was heartbroken. I mourned the loss of this marriage all last year.

But I'm beginning to come out of it. I'm tired of being sad. I don't miss the insanity, anger and drama we had. Let someone else have it. Have dated a couple of times but I'm not interested in starting anything. I don't trust anyone. There is no way I can give because I didn't get much back; I'm too scared.

What I have learned: Nothing last forever, take care of yourself, relationships are 50/50; I'm only responsible for my 50%. Walk away from any relationship if your partner has emotional, mental issues or suffered from any abuse as a child. You can forget the past but the past won't forget you.


I keep busy with things that never let me down: my love for painting, music and cars. My family is my greatest achievement and I want to always be connected to them.

Jim, I'm sorry about that. Very sad story. How long were you dating before you saw those red flags? Or did they appear years after the wedding?

There were allot of flags but not until about 8 yrs ago. I am very loyal; my pride and honor are very important to me. It is what I am. I tolerated the drama; got her in therapy and anxiety medication. A tremendous help. but, in hindsight, the damage was already done. Her issues (she will always have them) continue, but without me. The rest of my family sets limits with her, something I could never do.

I just started dating recently - that is an adventure in itself. I'm very rusty.

JIm, I too am VERY sorry to hear of your marriage ending. A lot of parallels to my marriage/divorce. When you wrote, "...like trying to fill a glass of water that has no bottom. She wore me out" it sent a chill down me. When we were going through ours I characterized her emotional needs from me to be like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it. The therapist I was seeing at the time responded, "Dan, that bucket doesn't have a hole in it, it has no bottom".

When I was married I used to hear that so and so were splitting up, I'd say, "Oh that's too bad, sorry to hear it" and move on with my day. After having gone through it I hear it now, even in your case where we've never met and I immediatley have in mind the physical, emotional PAIN of divorce. The self doubts, the fears, the financial worry, etc. You WILL come out of it, but it doesn't seem like it at the time; believe me I know.

My first wife was pretty normal until we were married for about 6 months. Then I found out her cousin had been jailed for writing theatening letters to the governor of texas, then her grandmother committed suicide. Her aunt - who was worth about $3M gave all her money to a small town in texas - writing crazy remarks about her family in her will. Then her mother came to visit us in SFO. The house had to be spotless and had to smell of bleach... OK that was wierd. The clincher was when I would come home from work, the shades were drawn, the house was dark and silent and my dear wifey was sitting in the corner motionless.

Hang in there Jim -

:eek:Eek! Get out of there FAST! Yikers, after one time of something like this, I'd have been scared to go home. Both for what I might find, and what might find me!

Man, I sure do feel for some of you guys... Rick (edited...oops, not Rick, I was thinking you started the thread), I hope you see a common thread here... Sometimes "good" guys can find themselves wandering "wtf just happened" after many years with their SO. Marriage is a crapshoot...it just is, EVEN if one (or both) of the partners is/are totally committed and in LUV :)

ps: I'm not against marriage, simply stating the obvious from my perspective...

I DISTINCTLY remember thinking in 1998/99 that my life was just like the characterin the cartoon with the exploded cigar in his mouth and black soot all over him, wide eyed and wondering WTF!

My hone of 16 years that I had lovingly restored, my beautiful wife, my sports star kids, my beautiful neighborhood up in the trees....ALL gone and me in a little apartment almost without a stick of furniture. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

'wash cycle'..lol. is there another cycle? truth is, as much as i'd like to say a little more, i'd probably be better of not being so public about it. karen has searched my threads before,and it's absolutely not my intention to stir up even more acrimony. it was just a spur of the moment thing to respond into this thread anyway..just not feeling very good about marriage at the moment. and actually, rick, she does like vh..though maybe not rush. nickelback is more her speed. thanks for the well wishes, fellas..i hadn't logged in for weeks.

Many have told me it will get better and it is starting to. I don't dewll on the past and I try to keep my contact with her only to family issues. If she wants to vent at me, I now can cut it off. I'm also trying to be a better role model to my sons hoping they won't make the same mistakes.

Men have a difficult time expressing feelings and I seldom spoke out if I felt something was not right. I am telling them they need to be happy with themselves and need to express there thoughts and be heard. Being heard is the important part of this. If no one is willing to listen, it's time to do something else. They will be stronger, better men in any relationship.

Don't be a stranger Ryan...hang in there buddy!

thanks, keith..will probably need a lil support.

I married at 43 years old after waiting for the right one. Married a lady 5 years older than me, that I had known for 10 years but, was not involved with. She is brilliant, beautiful and funny. She loves fast cars too! When I met her she was driving a 911 Carrera 4 and an Audi RS6. Plus, she wanted to get a cheese burger on our first date.

I have been married to her for 5 years now and love her more than the air I breathe. Sometimes it just works.

I will say if this ended for what ever reason, I would stay single.

Congratulations Rick. Sure, its over the top emotional and in my opinion, EXACTLY how you're supposed to feel about your wife. Very, very nice to hear that someone has this.SmileWavy

Please forgive me for what I'm about to ask, but can I ask you why the rush to marry, but then to remarry (divorce final in Feb, then remarry 5 months later....)? You can date for years and even live together for years, you know....

Don't mean to pry, but I just didn't get the rush into something that is such an utterly profound decision to make....

U'm so sorry for what you're going through, Ryan, accept my wishes for better days....

Never been married... I did ask this one girl to marry once but she was not down with that.

I am happy being single though so it all works out.

On the list of "S#I*T Slakjaw wants to do before death" marriage is really low on the list at this point.

Ryan, me thinks a road trip is in order - the perfect therapy! How's about driving up for the Tail of The Dragon event in Nov. You're welcome to crash here with us in Atlanta on the way. SmileWavy

I'm hoping we can get a convoy going on the way up!

Jim, I can relate. My ex suffered from clinical depression. Nothing was ever good enough for her. I think her depression stemmed from her vision of what her dream life sould be vs what our reality was. Bottom line is this, ......everybody has to take responsibility for their own happiness......whatever that may be. You cannot be responsible for the happiness of a spouse and if that was her expectation from you, it was unrealistic and unfair. Sounds to me like you're shouldering too much responsibility here.

This is some of the BEST stuff I have ever read on this Board...