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Dog-faced pony soldier
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A Guy's Perfect Day
Came across this elsewhere and it made me laugh out loud. Too funny - have to share. . .
Guy's Perfect Day 6:00 Alarm 6:15 Blow job 6:30 Massive, satisfying ***** while reading the sports section 7:00 Breakfast—steak and eggs, coffee and toast—all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler 7:30 Limo arrives 7:45 Several beers en route to the airport 9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet 9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route) 9:45 Play front nine (2 under par) 11:45 Lunch—steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Perignon 12:15 Blow job 12:30 Play back nine (4 under) 2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons) 2:30 Fly to Bahamas 3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot showing their growlers 4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)—on light tackle 5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle MacPherson (bending over showing her growler, naturally) 6:45 *****, shower and shave 7:00 Watch news—Michael Jackson and OJ assassinated 7:30 Dinner—lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits 9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall-sized TV as you watch football game 9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies 11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer 11:30 Night-cap blow job 11:45 In bed alone 11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room 11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep...HEH, HEH!
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A car, a 911, a motorbike and a few surfboards Black Cars Matter |
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09-20-2007, 02:28 AM
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: N. Phoenix AZ USA
Posts: 28,943
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How did you know what I did yesterday????
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2013 Jag XF, 2002 Dodge Ram 2500 Cummins (the workhorse), 1992 Jaguar XJ S-3 V-12 VDP (one of only 100 examples made), 1969 Jaguar XJ (been in the family since new), 1985 911 Targa backdated to 1973 RS specs with a 3.6 shoehorned in the back, 1959 Austin Healey Sprite (former SCCA H-Prod), 1995 BMW R1100RSL, 1971 & '72 BMW R75/5 "Toaster," Ural Tourist w/sidecar, 1949 Aeronca Sedan / QB |
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09-20-2007, 03:22 AM
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durn for'ner
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: South of Sweden
Posts: 17,090
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Definitely better than my average day. I am usually out of Dom Perignon.
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Markus Resident Fluffer Carrera '85 |
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09-20-2007, 03:23 AM
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Did you get the memo?
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Wichita, KS
Posts: 32,319
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You call it the perfect day, I call it Tuesday.
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‘07 Mazda RX8-8 Past: 911T, 911SC, Carrera, 951s, 955, 996s, 987s, 986s, 997s, BMW 5x, C36, C63, XJR, S8, Maserati Coupe, GT500, etc |
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09-20-2007, 03:30 AM
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Parrothead member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Monmouth county, NJ USA
Posts: 13,829
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Yep! Sounds like my typical day.....(except for the golf, I hate golf!)
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Vinny Red '86 944, 05 Ford Super Duty Dually '02 Ram 3500 Diesel 4x4 Dually, '07Jeep Wrangler '62 Mercury Meteor '90 Harley 1200 XL "Live your Life in such a way that the Westboro Baptist Church will want to picket your funeral." |
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09-20-2007, 03:51 AM
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Dog-faced pony soldier
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Me too, but I guess it'd beat workin'.
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A car, a 911, a motorbike and a few surfboards Black Cars Matter |
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09-20-2007, 03:52 AM
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Registered
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Cambridge, MA
Posts: 44,289
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Quote:
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Tru6 Restoration & Design |
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09-20-2007, 03:55 AM
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Registered
Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 4,612
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No cratch slapping?
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Neil '73 911S targa |
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09-20-2007, 04:00 AM
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Team California
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Very funny, but too busy for me. The classic version of that story is:
Perfect day= Get a blowjob/take a schit/take a nap. A hell of a lot less ambitious for those of us who are a little lazy.
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Denis The only thing remotely likable about Charlie Kirk was that he was a 1A guy. Think about that one. |
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09-20-2007, 05:16 AM
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Banned
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Usa
Posts: 3,621
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That's freakin' hilarious...I like the ice cream served on the t!ts
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09-20-2007, 05:49 AM
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Dog-faced pony soldier
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Who doesn't.
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A car, a 911, a motorbike and a few surfboards Black Cars Matter |
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09-20-2007, 05:59 AM
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Evolved
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 3,338
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QUOTE: "bends over a lot showing her growler"
_________________ Ok, perhaps I don't get out as much as I should. In 57 years I have NEVER heard this term! 
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Don't fear the reaper. |
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09-20-2007, 06:15 AM
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Registered
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You know the difference between a blimp and 365 bj's?
One's a Goodyear, one's a great f*cking year!
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2022 BMW 530i 2021 MB GLA250 2020 BMW R1250GS |
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09-20-2007, 07:20 AM
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Registered
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Linn County, Oregon
Posts: 48,513
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At my age? I'll just settle for the 6:30 A.M. shot...
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"Now, to put a water-cooled engine in the rear and to have a radiator in the front, that's not very intelligent." -Ferry Porsche (PANO, Oct. '73) (I, Paul D. have loved this quote since 1973. It will remain as long as I post here.) |
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09-20-2007, 07:24 AM
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least common denominator
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: San Pedro,CA
Posts: 22,506
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Quote:
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Gary Fisher 29er 2019 Kia Stinger 2.0t gone  1995 Miata Sold 1984 944 Sold I am not lost for I know where I am, however where I am is lost. - Winnie the poo. |
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09-20-2007, 09:43 AM
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Super Moderator
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Getting up at 6AM isn't the beginning of any good day... maybe 9AM.
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Chris ---------------------------------------------- 1996 993 RS Replica 2023 KTM 890 Adventure R 1971 Norton 750 Commando Alcon Brake Kits |
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09-20-2007, 12:13 PM
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I'm with Bill
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Scottsville Va
Posts: 24,186
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6AM, Damn I'm not allowed to sleep that late
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Electrical problems on a pick-up will do that to a guy- 1990C4S |
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09-20-2007, 03:13 PM
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Double Trouble
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: North of Pittsburgh
Posts: 11,705
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I'm old I don't have that much semen anymore!
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I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey..........but I turned myself around.. 75 914 1.8 2010 Cayenne base |
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09-20-2007, 03:53 PM
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Registered
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 1,442
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You missed the first half:
PERFECT DAY FOR A WOMAN: 8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses. 8:30 Weigh 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday. 8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants. 9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil. 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer. 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out. 12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe. 12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs.. 1:00 Shopping with friends. 3:00 Nap. 4:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer. 4:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage 5:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror. 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing. 10:00 Hot shower. Alone. 10:30 Make love. 11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling. 11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms. BTW, repost from the joke thread.
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83 911SC Targa Everything I say is my personal opinion, and has nothing to do with my team. |
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09-20-2007, 06:23 PM
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Did you get the memo?
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Wichita, KS
Posts: 32,319
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Quote:
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‘07 Mazda RX8-8 Past: 911T, 911SC, Carrera, 951s, 955, 996s, 987s, 986s, 997s, BMW 5x, C36, C63, XJR, S8, Maserati Coupe, GT500, etc |
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09-20-2007, 07:36 PM
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Only Porsche
Only bike
1970 Porsche 911 S 
