+1 no punishment
+1 on chatting

Your daughter sounds almost like the perfect daughter! I wonder if this is big a problem as you're making it ?

Did you ask her why she bombed? Maybe, she had a fight/misunderstanding/etc ... with BF.

Let her tell you what is up. Jeez, don't we know by now that kids know better than the parents ;)
Seriously though, let her do the talking. You might find out the real reason and from there you can guide her.


Now for grades:

I agree they are important but :::

They seem to be only good for to get into a good university and to get a good first job!
( A good job can mean many things ... this situation refers to what many may call a "steady, fast track position, that takes care of you for life ;) ) My opinion ... may differ and should go in a new thread :D

What else are grades good for????
- A house loan?
- A good BF/GF >> partner?
- A job after quitting the first one?
- To become the POTUS ? ;)

I bet there are many P owners that worked they way up in the world and grades had very little to do with it.

Dueller, you're another good PPOT dad, so don't worry, just sit down with her and show that you are on her side and that you are just worried about her in an experienced adult way and yes, of course that you are her dad, a dad that wants to be on her side :)

Sapporro...one of the critical thing grades are good for is scholarship $$$$.:D

Right!

I am topping Stijn´s offer! I´ll do it £5! Trust me, I am doc!

She doesn't need to worry about grades.

Wow.

BTW, my wife did the same thing when she got a certain boyfriend her senior year of HS. It ended up where her Father had to pull some strings at UW for her to get in.

Her twin after a day of offroading


http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1206551079.jpg

Its the attitude of the slug that is the problem. Just think of it having a guy like me for a SIL..."Ohhh whats the use of it all anyway, everything is fake and phoney, so why try. I can go buy anything I want."

Looks like the daughter can forget the Ivy League School and head off to state. What state do you live in anyway? I hear (whatever) state school it is has a great Argiculture dept. Yeah man Forestry is where it is at.....

"Don't worry baby I have money."

You have a lot to worry about with this slug...he is a very corrupting influence. One of easy money...it grows on trees don'tcha know....

I love this post...I was exactly in the mode I bolded above.

I knew that grades were a currency and as long as I maintained excellent grades I was pretty much left alone to pursue mayhem...so I did, both:)

As for a fitting punishment? My kids seem to respond better to the carrot approach on most things, but they know there is a limit on my tolerance of them not meeting expectations.

As many have stated, talk first, explain your position and work on a solution as a family. All the best.

unfortunately, this is America and it's 2008. She doesn't have to worry about much of anything except staying HOT.

When this slug is gone, there will be a big line new slugs ready and willing to pick up the pieces.

Isn't she also the girl who got to do some modeling? A great opportunity, yes; but not the best lesson for "hard work = reward".

I think you HAVE TO remove some freedom or privileges, and help her realize that the good grades = freedom, (like so many guys already said.)


And remember, it's quite likely I have absolutely no idea what I"m talking about. :)

Yeah Due,
Grades, Smrades!

I'd have a talk to her about your disappointment; but its her choice.

BUT.... I'd have a chat with buddy and let him know that you're disappointed with him too. Is he gonna be a good influence on angel or a bad one? Most kids will step up to the plate of expectation.

My oldest daughters boyfriends would be more concerned about having my daughter home on time, than her.

FWIW, chill; she's 17 and its her life daddy.

I don't think punishment is the answer either.

She needs to be rewarded, better yet reminded.

What you ought to do is have a strippers pole and some lights installed in her room. Then tell her that it will be all she needs in the future if this type of behavior keeps up. Remove it when she straightens up.

Here's a concept....... go to school and get good grades so you can get into a good college and then get a good JOB!

What a load of crap!!!!

Getting good grades is like making money in real life man.

I've taught all my kids "how" to get good grades.
As a self taught straight A student (lived on my own through high school)
Getting good grades is all about posture/positioning
In college I could put my name on any students paper and they would receive an A for the paper; we tested the concept many times. YOUR grade depends on what the instructor thinks of you, with the exception of mathematics type courses. It's a con job man, jeesh.
The fact that her grades have fallen tells me she has lost the respect of her teachers; call them and ask them.
She's smart, she'll figure it out.

Your daughter is beautiful, so you should be teaching her the difference between "Winners" and "Losers", as the guy she marries will most likely have the biggest effect on her future happiness. Of course, to teach your daughter about being a "Winner" you'd need to be one yourself? I'm sure you are, as you seem to cherish your relationship with your wife and family very much.

As a lifetime "A" student, I've always hated the saying "C students hire A students to work for them"; but there is alot of truth in that saying.

I'd be much more worried about my kids learning a true value system about right and wrong, ethics and morals than grades any day of the week. Grades Smrades. :eek:

That's what I'm sayin'

Grades are going to be of little value to her. The most impt factor for choosing a college should be which one offers the best social opportunities (i.e., the most eligible bachelors). But there's lots of schools that offer that, including lots that aren't academically difficult.

In addition, grades are for the most part really an indication of how well a person will function as an employee. (This is coming from someone who had great grades all throughout 18+ years of education). She is never going to need that. Whether or not she is a great employee isn't going to make any difference in her life (plus, of course, she would be a great employee no matter what her grades are, because she was raised right).

In addition, the SINGLE most important decisions she is going to make is who she dates and who she marries. That will affect the outcome of her life. That person is not going to care whether she got an A or a B. Unless she really screws it up, she is never going to work at a serious job, and probably won't work at all after the age of late 20s/early 30s.

Like Rob said, teach her how to discern the difference between "Winners" and "Losers!"

That will be 10000000X more valuable to her than her grades at this point.

I, um, have a feeling she'll be just fine. Talk to her in a non-confrontational way just to get it off your chest. Support her, don't punish her. The BF is a douche--she'll realize that on her own soon enough.

Well, I ain´t black either, so I guess I am beat. :D

Dueller,
Actually this is not a bad idea. Let your daughter know she can have a GAP year after graduation if her grades and lifes choices improve. She will find the European culture interesting. Her travels will forever benefit her.

$15K for a "year" with Stijn is a bargain ;-)

John_AZ

But, Livi...you are a pediafluffer......errrr....... pediatrician:D

Seriously, mom is furious. She wants to ground her big time. But heck...she is 17. Legally, she could quit school if she wanted and we couldn't do a dayum thing. I know she would never do that, but at 17 you're dealing with a strange critter...not a child and not an adult.

Yeah...but how do I know he's good for it?:D

Funny you should mention that. Their uncle on father's side is a senior VP advertizing/marketing for an international company. He was in NYC and is now in London. He travels extensively thru western Europe. We have encouraged each of them to explore doing an internship with his company 6 months at a time. He is on board with it.

But, alas...one with the slug bf doesn't want to be away for that long and other one feels she would miss out on all her activities here she enjoys so much (horseback riding, four wheelin', hunting etc.)

Both have visited him in NYC and Europe and really enjoyed it but for no more than a month at a time.

But we're working on them. I think it would be a wonderful opportunity to expand their vistas.

Did I mention that Sweden is beautiful this time of year..?








Well, maybe not, but thats beside the point.

I think London would welcome them...getting them to leave after a 6 month stint might be a challenge..

The slug might not be as appealing afterwards..

Our mantra with our last one (aka The One Who Won’t Leave Home or ½ of the Room Monkeys) was: Keep him in school.

Her grades are dipping so she has already left school. Emotionally, mentally she’s just filling a seat. What will bring her back? Punishment? No. That will add fuel to the fire. Especially any social restriction you apply.

Think up an incentive. Yes, a bribe.

Ian - A Worn Out Parent . . .

The tomboy stepdtr spent December in London. Took side trips to Spain, Portugal and spent new years eve in Paris. She loved it but was ready to get back home. Her southern accent was quite intriguing to all the europeans.

good but older friend in Rottedam his wife was from Ohklaaaahooma
Got drinking, and after few drinks i was talking same accent back

She'de be "heeey, hooow are yoou soo goood with this accent of mine?"
And i was "well Debbie, i'm just soo goood all round now ya heeear!"


Any English accent i hear i'll just pick it up on the fly...
except Dutch English
http://nuudeli.com/gallery/albums/Vi...goldmember.jpg
cosh thatsh jusht too toooit for me

Dueller,

This is especially true.
American boys cannot compete with a Brit in a jacket and tie with a Pound in his pocket. It makes the American boy's lazy activities and job at Pizza Hut look like crap.

Send for information on Universities and schools in the UK. Let your daughter pick the school and maybe try a couple of classes this summer.
Try Exeter or many others. http://www.exeter.ac.uk/

John_AZ

These are the slugs I have to deal with. Rich kid jocks that don't work because everything is given to them...


http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1206577296.jpg

What do you mean by "rich."

Well rich as in brand new cars or 4wd trucks, access to mom/dad's credit cards for anything they want...parents are successful professionals who live very well. One of them went on a date with a 17 y.o. kid that picked her up in his mom's Bentley. His Hummer was in the shop. That kinda rich.

Their parents have a net worth of what? $2 million? $5 million? $50 million? $100 million?

Call the boy's parents and ask if they would be interested in sending their sons to the UK for a couple of summer classes. This may interest the parents because it sounds good at the country club.

John_AZ

LOL...well I guess its relative since we live in Mississippi. But if I had to guess probably NW of mid seven figures to low eight figures for these two dudes. Bentley guy's parents were probably the most flussh with a nine figure worth. But she didn't like him at all so they only had one date.

Do the parents have a plane or jet?

duplicate post

Not a jet that I know of. But a few of their friends parents have private planes. Why?

It's kind of the modern standard barometer for substantial wealth.

I've worked with a lot of people and families with wealth (net worth) ranging from a few million to around $300 million, and I've seen a lot of their kids grow up. With varying results. Some have been hard workers, most have not. The ones that have not been particularly hard workers have turned out fine, as long as the family has substantial generational wealth, and owns a business that they can work in, and the kids are not total flakes.

The worst situation is where the family has modest wealth ($1-$5 million), but raises the kid as though they have real, generational wealth. Particularly where the family money comes from a "working professional" (Dr., lawyer, exec. at big company, etc., i.e., something that requires the skill of the parent and cannot be passed on to the kids), rather than from the ownership of a large, successful family business.

Point well taken. I need to clarify that these girls are not "golddiggers." The house we lived in when their mom and I got married was relatively modest and cramped yet they never were embarassed to have their friends over. They have dated some great kids from modest working class families. And not all their friends are rich (as opposed to wealthy...). We just live in the highest per capita income/resources town in the state. For example, the median home price is in the $330K range here whereas statewide its probably less than $100K.

The boy on the left is really a slug. Like I said earlier, he's pleasant but not motivated to accomplish anything on his own. I have had a discussion with my stepdtr and asked how she felt about having to work for her money when bf doesn't. Her response was to the effect "Well that's just the way it is...i don't think he appreciates all that his mother gives him and he's kinda spoiled and lazy." No real resentment, and she enjoys being able to go to the lake on his boats/jet skis etc on his dime. Who wouldn't?

The other kid is a top notch baseball player being recruited by major league and colleges. Plans are to go to major college, get a degree, realistic about how much of a longshot is for a pro career. So in that sense he's OK. OTOH his father and mother are professionals and they fund a pretty comfy lifestyle so he can pursue a college baseball career. He doesn't work and all his gas/cars/entertainment etc is funded by parents.

Quiet honestly, I think both of the girls are very proud of "making it" on their own.