So what is a fitting punishment for stepdtr whose grades plummetted?

[Dueller]

One of my twins' grades dropped drastically this 9 weeks...from all A's and a B or two to four C's in her main classes: Eng, Hist, Algebra and Bio. She is in advanced placement classes, and plays varsity tennis and volley ball. Works parttime after school. She not a disciplinary problem at all; abides by curfews, etc. She is very busy but the problem clearly seems to be spending too much time with her boyfriend. As in all her free time.

She feels badly but I think it warrants some type of punishment. She just turned 17. What say you dads out there?

[slodave]

Punishment? Wow! While I was rewarded for good grades, I was never punished for bad ones. My parents were disappointed, but jeez. Is she in 11th grade? Her punishment will reveal itself when she applies to the various colleges next school year. It looks like her schedule is rather full at the moment.

Ultimately, it's your family, but, I'm glad you're not my dad! I hope everything works out on both sides.

Dave

[3.2 CAB]

You, trust "US" with dishing out disciplinary advice??? Make her change the oil and filter, and wash and wax the car... Seriously, I can't make any type of recommendations on this subject. Maybe loose the BF for a while???? Who knows?????

[Laneco]

All advanced placement classes? Two extra curricular activitites plus a job? And you want to punish her for getting C's? Causes no problems at all - abides by curfews, etc?

Punishing her would be kinda like kicking a tired dog for not wagging his tail enough.

Your daughter doesn't need punishment. She needs time management and a break. At her age, heck at any age, a boyfriend is really important. This girl's life sounds spread awfully thin. Throw punishment on it and I think this will go downhill really fast.

Have her drop the job or at least one of the extra curricular activities. Show her how to manage her time to use that "space" for study time. That will still give her time with the boyfriend, time for school and something after school. Maybe even time for her Dad.

You don't have much time before she leaves for school and then leaves forever. Don't screw up now.
angela

[Dueller]

Yeah, Dave..I'm torn. We give both of the girls a lot of freedom. Thus far they've made good choices (as far as we know). We have observed the inordinate amount of time she has been spending preoccupied with bf. We discussed it and she assured us she had everything under control as far as her school work. She essentially bombed her mid term exams.

[Dueller]

Angela...yes, we understand the importance of the bf. OTOH, she has been able to manage her time well until recently when she would blow off time normally spent studying to do stuff with him. We asked and were reassured she had everything under control.

Tony...lose the bf annd they become allies

[Dueller]

Where is Tim Hancock when I need him?

[slodave]

Maybe it's time you had "that" talk with her.

[Dueller]

Originally Posted by slodave

Maybe it's time you had "that" talk with her.

"That" talk was had a year and a half ago.

I guess I just need to sit down and ask "WTF happened?" And go from there.

[slodave]

Make her carry a baby seat in the back of her car for a month....

[gprsh924]

BTDT (though not quite as bad 4 C's). Soccer took up about 30-40 hours a week when I was in high school, but my parents still more or less expected straight A's (or very close to) in my mix of AP and honors courses. When I did not come through, as happened semi-often, I would get grounded. Not so much "You can't go out Friday night" but moreso if I was hoping to do something bigger or I wanted something big, I would not be able to do that thing until I rectified the situation. When I stumbled first semester of college, I was told that I would be paying for the rest of it if I did not turn it around. I turned it around.

[nostatic]

Originally Posted by Wayne at Pelican Parts

Time for a boyfriend diet. Tell her that you're limiting her outside activities until her grades pick back up. My parents basically told me that I could do most things I wanted as long as my grades were up. That was my "contract" with them.

-Wayne

So you kept your grades up and avoided a boyfriend diet?

[nostatic]

I would say the party line is "something has to go." The proof is in the pudding - grades are down. Assuming she isn't doing drugs (that was why mine went down in HS), it is time management. I'd say you sit down with her and have her suggest what she's going to give up in order to bring the grades up.

[Dueller]

As far as the bf, we've noticed a slight change in attitude. As in she's beginning to adopt some of his characteristics. He's basicaly a pleasant kid, polite and they get along really well. No fighting or histrionics...they're very sweet to each other.

However, he is an only child whose father died when he was four. His family is fairly well to do. He has a new 4wd truck, a year old Yukon, a pair of jet skis, a pontoon boat, a ski boat, etc. Mother installed a huge swimming pool/hot tub at his urging. He is 18 y.o. and has never worked...doesn't have to. He's kinda shy and was an outstanding soccer player until he got bored with it. He's a senior at her school but only goes half days and is a mediocre student. He's coasting. Plans are to go to JUCO for a few years and just hang out. He has a very small circle of friends who are hangers on's who take advantage of his boats at the lake all day every Saturday and Sunday weather permitting. In short, he a slug. A rich slug, but a slug just the same. He has very little ambition because he apparently will never have to work.

Our kids, OTOH, are worker bees thanks to their mom's example...always have been. They never ask us for a dime. The find jobs on their own, drive older cars they've help pay for, work for their spending money, car insurance, gas etc. They are very active and busy. The girls have never had any problems with making good grades.

I fear that this stepdtr has taken the attitude that they're going to be together forever (they've been dating a year) and she can just ride on his coattails. We've emphasized that she owes it to herself to achieve things on her own, but I think she feels that is such a waste of effort when she has a sugar daddy in her future.

[slodave]

Originally Posted by Dueller

...but I think she feels that is such a waste of effort when she has a sugar daddy in her future.

Focus on this with her. Instill in her, that he will not be in the rest of her life - statistically speaking...

Damn, I'm not even a dad!

[Dueller]

Oh we've had that talk...not in a hostile or judgmental way. And she quotes to me that less than 4% of high school sweethearts marry and fewer than 2% stay together. But all her friends know they'll be in that 2%.

Yeah. Right. And I say well don't you think you might prepare yourself in the off chance that you're not in that 2%? Blank stare of disbelief.

But whaddya do?

[slodave]

On a serious note, I wish you (stepdtr too) the best of luck!

Maybe your should force her to read some of the OT threads?

[livi]

She is a big girl now. She needs support, not punishment. She needs to understand the consequences of her grades in terms of future possibilities AND she needs to fully understand your motives for urging her to pick up the study pace.

Guidance - not punishment.

[widgeon13]

+1 for livi. she certainly doesn't deserve punishment.

[911teo]

Originally Posted by livi

She is a big girl now. She needs support, not punishment. She needs to understand the consequences of her grades in terms of future possibilities AND she needs to fully understand your motives for urging her to pick up the study pace.

Guidance - not punishment.

+10,000

Talk to her. Make her understand that top grades are important and should be the top priority.

Since she's not acheiving them as she used to try and make her understand that she needs to spend more time on that.

If this means curbing some other activities make her decide. Do not take away the bf as a unilateral decision. It could backfire, and from what I have read here she seems to be a very judicious and responsible young woman.