Co-worker with "gender identity" issues - how do I handle this?

[Porsche-O-Phile]

I work in a relatively small architectural office (approx. 10 people) and have a co-worker who has been battling with "gender identity" issues for some time. She is biologically female but for whatever reason, sees herself as a guy. As such, she's been looking into "transgender" options for some time. She claims she's been grappling with this her entire life and it's not just a rash decision.

Well, in the last couple of weeks she's decided it's time to take the first steps towards abandoning her female persona. She cut her hair very guy-looking now, wears male clothing and is now legally pursuing her name to a name that is clearly male (she has a name currently that is quite clearly female - no option to have one of them "either-or" names).

How do I deal with this in a professional setting? I have to have her potentially deal with clients, consultants, etc. but they all know her by her female name and obviously some of them might be quite shocked by this transformation. Especially if she pursues the surgery options to physically complete the transformation, which she's planning on doing (yes, she knows it'll be long, painful and require hormone injections for life and all that - I'm not getting involved with her decision - I'm making the assumption that she knows what she's getting into).

Anyway, have any of you had to deal with something like this in a workplace setting? How in the heck do I deal with it? Personally I think the whole thing is nuts and indicative of some serious underlying psychological problem, but it's not my place to be judgemental (not to mention the potential liability issues). As such, I need to know the "correct" professional way to deal with this.

Any advice?

[red-beard]

I'm glad I don't live in California anymore.

[kang]

Firing her would open you up to a big lawsuit.

Can you move her to a position that requires less client contact?

[red-beard]

I covered this in my Presidential platform.

[ZOO]

I'd simply ask him to help you understand what needs to be done. Start with clarifying what pronouns and names he wishes to use. Then take it from there. Show compassion, respect, and sensitivity.

I'd also document everything you did as an employer to be supportive and accommodating -- just in case.

[Steve Carlton]

I honestly believe people with these issues truly have the feelings of the other gender, and are somehow cross-wired. Maybe some sort of error in the genetic expression. I feel bad for them, as I don't think there's a choice involved for them and it's a painful existence until they can come to grips with it. Do some research. If you come to the same conclusion, perhaps you won't be inclined to blame her and look at it as a mental problem. Then compassion and understanding might follow naturally.

Rent Transamerica. Might help.

[berettafan]

Originally Posted by kang

Can you move her to a position that requires .....................

Soooooo much material here........

[VaSteve]

Originally Posted by Porsche-O-Phile

Anyway, have any of you had to deal with something like this in a workplace setting? How in the heck do I deal with it? Personally I think the whole thing is nuts and indicative of some serious underlying psychological problem, but it's not my place to be judgemental (not to mention the potential liability issues). As such, I need to know the "correct" professional way to deal with this.

Any advice?

ha ha, since when?

[berettafan]

i don't see the problem.

so long as she isn't pouring her heart out to clients i'd say you have no choice but to go with the flow.

and i'll be the pig to ask; is she hot?

[red-beard]

[JavaBrewer]

Pretty iffy that your customers will be understanding. I'd wager most will take their business elsewhere rather than deal with Lisa becoming Larry. Business is business. You can't fire the person so perhaps once the transformation is complete move him to a different set of customers?

[gprsh924]

Thanks for providing me with a laugh today jeff

[slodave]

Originally Posted by red-beard

Here ya go!

[Flatbutt1]

Seriously Jeff? You can't do anything based on gender,even if it changes. The idea of a new set ofclients is a good one. No history there. Also you need to counsel any other employees about sexual harassment. Good luck bro.

Remember the days when we used to think being the boss was cool?

[legion]

Can you sit him/her down and ask him/her how she/he would like to deal with this?

You both have legitimate concerns. They should be dealt with in a professional manner, no matter how uncomfortable. The earlier the conversations takes place, the more prepared everyone can be.

[mikester]

I don't know if ANY conversation about this would not be grounds of some kind for harassment.

It's a lame situation you are in and the first thing I would do is check with your lawyer.

Honestly evaluate her performance, she's going through some tough times - has her performance suffered? Has she been a good employee and has she been an employee long enough to really make that judgment.

If her performance has suffered due to these personal issues then I would say it is reasonable to move her into a position that she might be able to be more successful in while she's having these issues.

I guess the last question really is - what do you WANT to do honestly?

I know I'd be uncomfortable with this situation but what it boils down to for a person may simply be that 'the heart wants what it wants.' IF her work has been good and she's been a productive employee until now as long as that doesn't change (much) then I would have to say there really isn't much you can do.

[Neilk]

This is a case for Michael Scott, Scranton Regional Manager of Dunder-Mifflin!!!

Good luck Jeff.

Consult a lawyer first, but could you discuss it with him/her whether s/he would like to inform his clients what he about to go through so the shock isn't so great during the next meeting?

[craigster59]

So.. since He'll be a fresh off the assembly line "girly-man", maybe you can unload that 944 for $10k.

I kid, I kid...

[BeyGon]

I think you should show some compasion for someone that has been dealing with a bad situation all her life and is now man enough to deal with it. Or vice versa. But that has to be hell for someone. Probably a bigger mental challenge than being gay.

[TerryBPP]

I always wondered why women dressed as men to screw other women. Not out of hate or disdain just curiosity. I found out from a stripper.

I was in a strip club with a few buddies and a crew of man-women came in. A dancer talked to them for an hour or so. It was apparent she was friends with the majority of them. So the dancer comes over to us. After a few minutes of chatting it up I asked if she knew those women. She says she used to go to high school with a few of them.

So I dropped the question, "Do you know why they dress like men to be with women?" She explains its that they are ashamed to be seen as a women with a women so they feel it necessary to dress like a man. I retort, "then why do you see 2 man-women together?" She said that once they start dressing as men they acclimate with others and then it becomes a social scene which skews the very reason they started dressing that way in the 1st place.

Fascinating!