Sister rant

[red-beard]

I'm the youngest of 3, and we're each spaced 2 years.

My middle sister is the most selfish person I've ever met. Last night, in discussions with my older sister, I said the middle one was selfish to the point of being compared with the type of girls seen on the E! channel, like the Kardashions.

My mother turns 75 this friday. My older sister and I we're planning a surprise birthday party for her. My mother is planning a surprise 80th party for my father for Saturday, so we had good cover.

Middle sister had mom buy ballet tickets for Friday. Everyone thought they were middle of the day. Turns out they are evening tickets. Middle sister was a professional ballet dancer, and used to dance for this company in Houston.

Well, I was supposed to tell middle sister and my wife left message about selling off the tickets, since we were having the surprise birthday party.

Middle sister goes ballistic. Both older sister and I say, "But this is so we can have the Surprise birthday party on Firday night. Can't you give up the ballet for mom?"

Well, no, she can't. WE are inconsiderate to even ask HER to give up going to the ballet. Not only this, but she went ape-ship on my older sister, and lecturered her etc. She then called me up and started to lecture me. I said "Fine. Don't go to your mother's 75th birthday." her response was "You aren't my father. I don't have to listen to you." So I hung up on her.

She then calls even our mother complaining about this WHOLE mess. My parents are PAYING for her AND her husband to come to Texas for Thanksgiving. She truely believes the world revolves around her. This is nothing new.

My older sister and I had to tell my mother about the surprise party, since she now knew something was up, and WE were upsetting our middle sister. AND we've had to move the party to the afternoon, and not have 1/2 of my older sister's kids not attend until very late, since they won't arrive until 7PM on Friday.

My mother is an enabler. I believe she created this problem. I've given up even trying to do anything for her. I refuse to enable her any more. I put up with her crap for years, but not anymore. My older sister has now had it with her.

As my wife has said, you can drop friends, but family is forever.

rant over.

I need another bottle of wine and more ammo...

[porsche4life]

Sounds like little sis didnt get beat enough when she was younger.

[avi8torny]

Funny, I was just talking with a buddy about this topic today. We have both had the same experience as you......so you're not alone if that makes you feel any better.

Short story: My sis who is in town from NH to visit, happens to be in the car with my mom and dad.....dad is behind the wheel(dad is 76). He just happens to have a TIA (minor stroke) while driving and takes them on a wild ride, across lawns, through traffic lights, stop signs...you name it. She then proceeds to call me after this happens and wants me to come over and "watch dad" so that mom and her can "go to lunch". ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME????????

I wanted to jump through the phone. Instead I dialed 911. Better outcome.

[Racerbvd]

Is her name Jan

[TerryH]

Red, sounds like sis is spoiled, self-centered, and selfish. Unfortunately, probably too late to do anything about it. You will likely have to tolerate her or find yourself with only one sister at get-togethers. Things will be especially evident once your folks are no longer hosting events. It takes much more effort to get together without the parents help.

[mikester]

Red, I feel your pain.

Last year when my Dad was visiting us out here in Cali for the first time in almost 10 years (the first time he had visited since Jacob was born) the 4 of us (Dad, Gwen, sis and myself) were playing a friendly game of scrabble. I started kicking tail and then Gwen started catching up - leaving Dad and sis well in the dust on points. Then Gwen gets another hot turn and sis goes ballistic - calling us cheaters and the like. Dad takes her side (though much more civil) saying a couple of the moves we made were cheating. Sis is totally lashing out, she's done this before and so Gwen is just done. In the middle of the confrontation of the decade Gwen just gets up and leaves - goes to the back of the house. Sis is livid, Dad and I start packing up the game. Sis storms out of the house, we haven't played scrabble since.

She insists she did nothing wrong.

Other things, she ran up a credit card my mom cosigned for and stopped paying for it. When my mom told them to start sending her the bill (Because it was headed to collections and they hadn't told her) sis goes ballistic.

She recently got in a car accident where her car was totaled - now she has no car. Instead of saving the money she got for her car she goes out and buys a laptop. About 6 months ago she borrowed money from Dad to pay her rent and went out and bought herself an 80gb iPod.

I can't wait till she gets here for Thanksgiving.

[red-beard]

Is this the same sister I met, a few years back?

[afterburn 549]

BUT what kind and color is you car ?? !! lets get to some important things here

[HardDrive]

Marsha! Marsha! Marsha!

[Hugh R]

One of my Sisters-in-Law has brow beat her 80 y/o mom over the last 25 years for money to support the SIL's lifestyle. To the tune of about $200K. Brow beat Mom into cosigning a loan for a Ford Expedition for her 18 y/o daughter then quit making payments, ditto with another $13K in flooring for her house and stiffed Mom again. My wife confronts her with it finally, and the SIL says I used to make lurid suggestions to her about me doing her, (I didn't). SIL now shacks up with a wealthy pharmacist and leaves her 15 year old son to himself in her old house.

There seems to be one in every family.

[Heel n Toe]

Originally Posted by red-beard

My mother is an enabler. I believe she created this problem.

She did indeed create this problem.

Do you know whether she is aware she created it? If you don't think she knows, speak to her privately sometime and tell her.

Stress to her that she is not doing your sister any favors... she is stunting her growth into adulthood... into the real world.

Tell her she's got to learn how to say no to her.

And then drop it... knowing you warned her... after that, it's her decision.

BTW, if you know your mom has "helped her out" and/or "bailed her out of financial stuff" to the tune of significant amounts, it is unfair to the rest of you if she doesn't "adjust" her will so you sister gets less.

[onewhippedpuppy]

I have a sister in law with the exact same MO. Mom and dad paid for everything and let her loaf through life, never really made her do anything. She has absolutely no comprehension of gratitude, she only understands that the world owes her whatever she wants. She transferred colleges and came to Wichita when mom and dad got tired of her spending 6 years for an english degree, we let her live with us under the guise of her getting her life together and saving money. I eventually had to kick her out as we were only enabling her behavior. Then her parents cut her off. Amazing how quickly she was done with school and working full-time when she's responsible for the bills, it should have been done when she turned 18. She's still an ungreatful brat, and probably always will be.

[mikester]

Originally Posted by red-beard

Is this the same sister I met, a few years back?

Yep

[red-beard]

See, the problem with your sister is you are family. If it were me, I'd let YOUR sister get away with an awful lot!

[mikester]

Originally Posted by Heel n Toe

BTW, if you know your mom has "helped her out" and/or "bailed her out of financial stuff" to the tune of significant amounts, it is unfair to the rest of you if she doesn't "adjust" her will so you sister gets less.

what a bunch of CRAP!

It assumes that you are ENTITLED to anything after your parents die. It may be that they split things up evenly in their will but while they are alive there is no reason to be "FAIR" about how they spend their money. It isn't yours until they are dead.

Every time my Dad/Mom gives my sister money - I expect nothing.


I am aware however that the more they give her money the less they have (neither are swimming in it) so I am concerned about their retirement and the drain she is. $500 here or there is one thing but the credit cards - that is entirely another.

[mikester]

Originally Posted by red-beard

See, the problem with your sister is you are family. If it were me, I'd let YOUR sister get away with an awful lot!

Well...she is a Dancer too - I would think with your sister that might turn you off.

[Heel n Toe]

Originally Posted by mikester

It assumes that you are ENTITLED to anything after your parents die. It may be that they split things up evenly in their will but while they are alive there is no reason to be "FAIR" about how they spend their money. It isn't yours until they are dead.

I neither said, nor implied otherwise.

It was merely an illustration.

Simple math.

Hypothetical: Let's say mom dies with $200K in assets and she has 4 heirs. If the little sister has conned her mother out of $50K in the last several years, would it be right for each heir to get $50K?

No... of course not.

But it is merely an illustration... I didn't propose that this should be brought up to the mom.

[gtc]

Originally Posted by Racerbvd

Is her name Jan

Hah, Janice is exactly who I was picturing too!

[Ned, NYNA11]

And more,

The dad died and left big bucks to the two daughters. They are already rich and the richest of the two wants to charge the dads estate $ 100 for each time she visits her mom who is in a full time care facility.

And, the sisters don't talk to each other.

[on2wheels52]

While I wouldn't say I'm best friends with all my sisters (have 4) I have no serious ordeals to share. Following the (separate) deaths of our parents we had no problems with the division of the estate, unlike many horror stories I've heard.
Jim