Told my brother he needs professional help.

[Oh Haha]

Anger issues that I know have a root somewhere in him but I can't seem to get through.

Had a great Christmas Day dinner at my younger brother's home. As it usually does when we get together, we comiserate about bad drivers/stupid people in general and life.

He has been married just over a year. His first, her third. He's 38 and moved out from Mom's to his wife's home that she gained in one of the divorces.

He is a good person with a big heart but has so much anger built up about petty things it amazes me that he hasn't had a heart attack. He has been his way for at least the last 20 or so years. I have had many talks with him over the years that it has now come to a point today that I told he really needs to get some help NOW.
He needed smokes so we took our wagon on the run so we could talk a little, like we always have. He was a good friend and partner in crime, so to speak, when I moved home when I was going through my divorce. We spent many miles in my Z28 talking about life.

The bad: He still smokes dope. He has done this since he was probably 15. It is not something that we shared, however. He always knew that I did not like it and he respected me enough to not do it around me. I don't know if this is some of the reason he is this way or not but I think it is a problem that he needs to address.

He has a weird hatred toward Canadians. Yes, the folks to the North of us. He tells me that if he sees a "white" license plate, he gets all tense and upset and wants to make their experience in the USA bad so they won't ever come back.

I hate discourteous drivers as much as everyone but to hate a person because they are from Canada?!!!! The biggest problem I see is that he lives in a town that has a border crossing!!!!!! (They don't even have to be a bad driver.)

I realized tonight during our hour long store run that no matter what I say, whatever perception of the world that he has and the hatred for everyone but his family that he carries, I am not smart enough or educated enough to help him. I told him he really need to see a psychcologist to get help before he gets himself into trouble or has health problems. (I really don't think he is dangerous or is out going to hurt anyone but it gets tiring hearing him bit%^ing all the time.)

I'm not happy 100% of every single day but I have learned to and yes, sometimes force myself to be cheerful but jeez, being angry every day of your life is just stupid.

I'm not looking for advice guys but I appreciate the chance to vent a little to my Pelican buddies. I can bet some of you know people like this.

I love my brother and want to see him happy but, in the end and as I told him, I really don't want my kids around someone that has such deep anger issues.

BTW-This small part of the day didn't ruin anyone's Christmas as most of the talk was in the car just between he and I. We had a great day with my family and my Mom really enjoyed getting to see my kids open presents and man, they couldn't have been better behaved unless they were real angels. I was very proud of them and I told them so before tucking them in tonight.

[ruf-porsche]

You are your brother keeper. Can't help someone unless they want to be helped. Can't change someone unless they willing to change.

[slow&rusty]

I am not sure what the issues with Canadians are with your brother? Is it their driving or political related?

Strange? Very strange...

Yasin

[imcarthur]

Yeah, I mean Canadians? We are some of the most invisible people in the world. Very little fuss. No drawn out electoral crap. We don't invade anybody. I doubt if many people around the world know anything about us, our government, our leaders, our economy etc etc. I believe that everybody thinks we're quietly shoveling snow most of the year & growing pot the rest while snacking on maple cured back bacon sandwiches with poutine on the side.

And it's true btw . . .

Ian

[HardDrive]

As a person full of anger, from a raging family, from southern Michigan, I would like to recommend the following:

http://www.amazon.com/Start-Where-You-Are-Compassionate/dp/1570628394

Send it to him Anonymously if need be.

nostatic recommended this book to me, and I am damn thankful he did.

Hating Cannucks.....well thats kind of odd.....

[nostatic]

He lived at home until he was 37, then got married and moved in with a woman who's on her 3rd marriage?

Good luck with that one...

btw, imho the Canadian thing is just a projection. He likely hates himself and the Canucks are a handy target.

[LakeCleElum]

Ya drove an hour to buy "smokes"?

[billybek]

Get some Ontario plates and go do some burn outs on his lawn!

Sounds like he has lived a life full of frustration...

Probably should quit smoking (both types of weed) and get into a little better physical condition.
That alone will have a positive impact on his mental well being.

[wcc]

That's too bad! At least it didn't ruin the day. I'm kinda in the same boat as you. After my parents left and my brother's family left on x-mas day the wife and I were still cleaning up after the great day. Then the phone rings and it's my brother, plowed drunk, going off on me about all kinds of stuff. Right now I don't want him over next year. I'll just ship the packages to him.

He doesn't want help and you can't reason with him, my parents and I've tried a lot, so basically I'm going to avoid him as much as possible. I hope not, but that may be where you are with your brother.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

Originally Posted by nostatic

He lived at home until he was 37, then got married and moved in with a woman who's on her 3rd marriage?

Good luck with that one...

Kinda' what I was thinking...

[jhynesrockmtn]

I love Canada! Almost moved to Toronto right before the dot.com bust. Spent quite a bit of time working there and looking for housing.

Good luck with your brother. Therapy helped me a great deal after my divorce to get my head straight. No anger issues but I didn't like myself very much or have much confidence in many aspects of my life.

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by nostatic

He lived at home until he was 37, then got married and moved in with a woman who's on her 3rd marriage?

Good luck with that one...

Boy howdy!

Originally Posted by nostatic

btw, imho the Canadian thing is just a projection. He likely hates himself and the Canucks are a handy target.

Yeah but they keep sending snow over the boarder... KEEP YOUR SNOW TO YOURSELVES YOU DANG DIRTY CANUCKS!

Everyone is different but I smoked weed for a very long time, for me it was self medicating and helped me stuff down feelings of inadequacy and some very dark feeling I had for my family (mostly my dad).

I'm no professional but my stopping smoking ten years ago seemed to have a direct correlation with an greatly improved outlook on life, my career, and my relationship with my dad.

I also still have some middle age friends that still smoke weed who's life seems to be "on hold".

To be fair I also know some very successful pot head... that to say drug abuse is often a symptom and not necessarily the cause.

YMMV

[K. Roman]

I've never heard of someone so uptight that you can't smoke weed around your own brother. You guys have some issues between eachother that haven't ever been brought up. What are you, his boss? A cop? No offense, I'm from SF! Weed is a good thing here.

[Joe Bob]

Sounds like a bad South Park episode, anger, hatred of Canada, weed smoking and living with Momz until yer married to a serial divorcee......

[Oh Haha]

Originally Posted by K. Roman

I've never heard of someone so uptight that you can't smoke weed around your own brother. You guys have some issues between eachother that haven't ever been brought up. What are you, his boss? A cop? No offense, I'm from SF! Weed is a good thing here.

Thanks for your insight, guys. (Speeding is too so don't flame me.)

I don't have a problem with weed, except that it IS illegal here in Michigan.(Yes, speeding is illegal as well. I don't smoke it and don't want to be around people that do. I don;t hang with people tha get drunk, either.

I'm not his boss nor a cop but he is my brother and I have tried to help him for many years. When smoking pot has stunted your emotional development and lack of interest in improving yourself, then it's a problem. From what I;m told by other family members, he looks up to me but he does not live his life the same way I do.

That wouldn't be a problem except for the whole anger thing. It really is unhealthy.

For what it's worth, he works hard and never misses work. He is a roofer by trade so he is in great shape. Kind of Bruce Lee type of condition. Small but all muscle.

I will get him that book. Making him read it will be his wife's problem.

[Oh Haha]

Originally Posted by wcc

That's too bad! At least it didn't ruin the day. I'm kinda in the same boat as you. After my parents left and my brother's family left on x-mas day the wife and I were still cleaning up after the great day. Then the phone rings and it's my brother, plowed drunk, going off on me about all kinds of stuff. Right now I don't want him over next year. I'll just ship the packages to him.

He doesn't want help and you can't reason with him, my parents and I've tried a lot, so basically I'm going to avoid him as much as possible. I hope not, but that may be where you are with your brother.

That's too bad, Bill. Glad you had a good day with family beforehand, though.

[K. Roman]

Originally Posted by Oh Haha

I don't hang with people that get drunk either.

Wow. I've never even heard of this one. That is very extreme. I think the only other people who live like this are priests and eunuchs.

Good luck with your brother.

[Oh Haha]

Originally Posted by K. Roman

Wow. I've never even heard of this one. That is very extreme. I think the only other people who live like this are priests and eunuchs.

Good luck with your brother.

Thanks, I hope that he gets some help. He really is a good guy.


I enjoy a beer now and again but I spent a lot of time playing in a bars with my band so I have my fill of drunks. I choose to not go where people that can't handle their drink hang out. I used to smoke cigs and now that I have stopped I do not like to be around smokers, either. You can smoke around me outside but not in my house or in my cars. My brother is the only family I have that still smokes, actually. Cigs and wacky tabakky.

Trust me, I am neither a priest or a eunich.

[vash]

i have a very good friend (yup, he lives in SF) he has been smoking dope for years...he is aggro also. i think the hardest part is reconizing if weed works in your life or not. for this one guy, NO. no motivation, anger, became racist towards his own peeps...just a slow downhill spiral.

for the happy pot-heads...why not?

good luck with your bro.

[JavaBrewer]

Originally Posted by Oh Haha

He has been married just over a year. His first, her third. He's 38 and moved out from Mom's to his wife's home that she gained in one of the divorces.

Wow! Are you saying he never left home at 38 or was he just temporarily back home due to other circumstances? How can a man have any self esteem in that situation - I can see why he would be "Angry".