So You Want Objectivity, You Can't Handle Objectivity

[Jim Richards]

OK, Georgie Tirebiter.

[tabs]

Originally Posted by Jim Richards

OK, Georgie Tirebiter.

Cocksucker Blues
(aka Schoolboy Blues)
(Jagger/Richards)

Well, I'm a lonesome schoolboy
And I just came into town
Yeah, I'm a lonesome schoolboy
And I just came into town
Well, I heard so much about London
I decided to check it out

Well, I wait in Leicester Square
With a come-hither look in my eye
Yeah, I'm leaning on Nelsons Column
But all I do is talk to the lions

Oh where can I get my cock sucked?
Where can I get my ass ****ed?
I may have no money,
But I know where to put it every time

Well, I asked a young policeman
If he'd only lock me up for the night
Well, I've had pigs in the farmyard,
Some of them, some of them, they're alright
Well, he ****ed me with his truncheon
And his helmet was way too tight

Oh where can I get my cock sucked?
Where can I get my ass ****ed?
I ain't got no money,
But I know where to put it every time

I'm a lonesome schoolboy in your town
I'm a lonesome schoolboy

[Jim Richards]

martian space party

[tabs]

Originally Posted by Jim Richards

martian space party

Song Lyrics: "The Purple People Eater"
Recorded by: "Sheb Wooley"
Written by: (Sheb Wooley)
Single: Released - June, 1958



Well I saw the thing comin' out of the sky
It had the one long horn, one big eye
I commenced to shakin' and I said "ooh-eee"
It looks like a purple eater to me

It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater
(One-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater)
A one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater
Sure looks strange to me (One eye?)

Well he came down to earth and he lit in a tree
I said Mr. Purple People Eater, don't eat me
I heard him say in a voice so gruff
I wouldn't eat you cuz you're so tough

It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater
One-eyed, one-horned flyin' purple people eater
One-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater
Sure looks strange to me (One horn?)

I said Mr. Purple People Eater, what's your line
He said it's eatin' purple people and it sure is fine
But that's not the reason that I came to land
I wanna get a job in a rock and roll band

Well bless my soul, rock and roll, flyin' purple people eater
Pigeon-toed, undergrowed, flyin' purple people eater
(We wear short shorts)
Flyin' purple people eater
Sure looks strange to me

And then he swung from the tree and he lit on the ground
He started to rock, really rockin' around
It was a crazy ditty with a swingin' tune
Sing a boop boop aboopa lopa lum bam boom

Well bless my soul, rock and roll, flyin' purple people eater
Pigeon-toed, undergrowed, flyin' purple people eater
I like short shorts
Flyin' little people eater
Sure looks strange to me (Purple People?)

And then he went on his way, and then what do ya know
I saw him last night on a TV show
He was blowing it out, a'really knockin' em dead
Playin' rock and roll music through the horn in his head

(clarinet solo)

Tequila

[Jim Richards]

ham sandwich

[nostatic]

Originally Posted by Jim Richards

ham sandwich

Big man, pig man, ha ha charade you are.
You well heeled big wheel, ha ha charade you are.
And when your hand is on your heart,
You're nearly a good laugh,Almost a joker,
With your head down in the pig bin,
Saying "Keep on digging."
Pig stain on your fat chin.
What do you hope to find.
When you're down in the pig mine.
You're nearly a laugh,
You're nearly a laugh
But you're really a cry.

Bus stop rat bag, ha ha charade you are.
You ****ed up old hag, ha ha charade you are.
You radiate cold shafts of broken glass.
You're nearly a good laugh,
Almost worth a quick grin.
You like the feel of steel,
You're hot stuff with a hatpin,
And good fun with a hand gun.
You're nearly a laugh,
You're nearly a laugh
But you're really a cry.

Hey you, Whitehouse,
Ha ha charade you are.
You house proud town mouse,
Ha ha charade you are
You're trying to keep our feelings off the street.
You're nearly a real treat,
All tight lips and cold feet
And do you feel abused?

You gotta stem the evil tide,
And keep it all on the inside.
Mary you're nearly a treat,
Mary you're nearly a treat
But you're really a cry.

[Dottore]

Respect, Tabs.

Respect.

[tabs]

Originally Posted by Jim Richards

ham sandwich

Sic em pigs..Canned Heat

Everytime you do...do your thing
Sic them pigs on you
Feelin Good
Have some fun
Go downtown
But don't you wander around
Sic em pigs on you
Watch what you do
Watch what you say
You on the street
U better play the game their way
Sic them pigs on you
Grab your guns
Firebombs to
City hall they are gona get you to
Sic them freaks on you
Gotta get outa here
Firebombs everywhere.............


If your big, dumb and stupid
Call 555-4995
The LA County Sheriff wants you......


There are no formal written lyrics to this anywhere I can find...this is the version from The Best of Canned Heat 1969.

[Jim Richards]

potty training

[scottmandue]

If a man speaks....


And a woman isn't there...


Is he still wrong?

[tabs]

Originally Posted by Jim Richards

potty training

To easy Zappa is the only way to go...Don't cha eat that yellow snow.



Dreamed I was an eskimo
Frozen wind began to blow
Under my boots and around my toes
The frost that bit the ground below
It was a hundred degrees below zero...

And my mama cried
And my mama cried
Nanook, a-no-no
Nanook, a-no-no
Dont be a naughty eskimo
Save your money, dont go to the show

Well I turned around and I said oh, oh oh
Well I turned around and I said oh, oh oh
Well I turned around and I said ho, ho
And the northern lights commenced to glow
And she said, with a tear in her eye
Watch out where the huskies go, and dont you eat that yellow snow
Watch out where the huskies go, and dont you eat that yellow snow

[tabs]

Originally Posted by scottmandue

If a man speaks....


And a woman isn't there...


Is he still wrong?

To easy Perch Sledge is the number for this....

“When A Man Loves A Woman”

When a man loves a woman
Can't keep his mind on nothing else
He'll trade the world
For the good thing he's found
If she's bad he can't see it
She can do no wrong
Turn his back on his best friend
If he put her down

When a man loves a woman
Spend his very last dime
Tryin' to hold on to what he needs
He'd give up all his comfort
Sleep out in the rain
If she said that's the way it ought to be

Well, this man loves a woman
I gave you everything I had
Tryin' to hold on to your precious love
Baby, please don't treat me bad

When a man loves a woman
Down deep in his soul
She can bring him such misery
If she plays him for a fool
He's the last one to know
Lovin' eyes can't ever see

When a man loves a woman
He can do no wrong
He can never own some other girl
Yes when a man loves a woman
I know exactly how he feels
'Cause baby, baby, baby, you're my world

When a man loves a woman.....

[tabs]

Originally Posted by Dottore

Respect, Tabs.

Respect.

Don't even need to post...Aretha is the one....give me some R....E....S..P...E...C...T

[Jim Richards]

pickled herring

[tabs]

Originally Posted by Jim Richards

pickled herring

Life's Been Good
Joe Walsh

I have a mansion, forget the price
Ain't never been there, they tell me it's nice
I live in hotels, tear out the walls
I have accountants pay for it all

They say I'm crazy but I have a good time
I'm just looking for clues at the scene of the crime
Life's been good to me so far

My Maserati does one-eighty-five
I lost my license, now I don't drive
I have a limo, ride in the back
I lock the doors in case I'm attacked

I make hit records, my fans they can't wait
They write me letters, tell me I'm great
So I got me an office, gold records on the wall
Just leave a message, maybe I'll call

Lucky I'm sane after all I've been through
(Everybody say “I'm cool”......”He's cool”)
I can't complain but sometimes I still do
Life's been good to me so far

I go to parties, sometimes until four
It's hard to leave when you can't find the door
It's tough to handle this fortune and fame
Everybody's so different, I haven't changed

They say I'm lazy but it takes all my time
(Everybody say “Oh, yeah”..... “Oh, yeah”)
I keep on goin’ guess I'll never know why
Life's been good to me so far

Yeah, yeah, yeah

[Jim Richards]

stovetop stuffing

[tabs]

Originally Posted by Jim Richards

stovetop stuffing

"Cracked Actor"...Bowie

I've come on a few years from my Hollywood Highs
The best of the last, the cleanest star they ever had

I'm stiff on my legend,
the films that I made
Forget that I'm fifty
cause you just got paid

[CHORUS]
Crack, baby, crack,
show me you're real
Smack, baby, smack, is that all that you feel
Suck, baby, suck,
give me your head
Before you start professing
that you're knocking me dead

You caught yourself a trick down
on Sunset and Vine
But since he pinned you baby
you're a porcupine

You sold me illusions for a sack full of cheques
You've made a bad connection 'cause I just want your sex

[Jim Richards]

fish fry

[tabs]

Originally Posted by Jim Richards

fish fry

Thought the better and used this...thought of a Stones song but this is much better.


"Amphetamine Annie" Canned Heat


This is a song with a message,
I want you to heeeeed my warning.
Wanna tell you all a story, about this chick I know.
They call her Amphetamine Annie, and she's always shovelin' snow.
I sat her down and told her, I told her crystal clear
I don't mind you gettin' high but there's one thing you should fear
Your mind might think it's flyin' baby on those little pills
But you ought to know it's dyin', cause - speed kills!
But Annie kept on speedin', her health was gettin' poor
She saw things in the window, she heard things at the door
Her mouth was like a grindin' mill, her lips where cracked and soar
Her skin was turnin' yellow, I just couldn't take it no more
She thought her mind was flyin' on those litte pills
She didn't know it was going down fast, cause - speed kills!
--- Solo ---
Yaaaa, speed can kill you too baby, yaa
Well I sat her down and told her, I told her one more time
The whole wide human raice has taken far too much melamine
She said "I don't care what a limey says, I got to get it on
I'm not hip to the seen of the man who come from across the pond."
She wouldn't heed my warning, Lord she wouldn't hear what I said
Now she's here in the grave yard, and she's awfully dead.
Ya, speed gonna kill you!
Anybody.
Speed will get you!
Speed from over the pond.
There ain't no hope baby...
Yaa, aah hah.
Spoon a Spoon a Spoon.... huah...

[Jim Richards]

buffet table