How would you reply to this work email?
 

What follows is the closing paragraph of an email I received from one of my mid-level supervisors at work. In the first two paragraphs, she criticizes a writing project I had submitted for her review and editing. Here's how she closed:

For the record, I'm an attorney, and this has rendered me purt-near speechless.

Edited to add: In a tears-rolling-down-my-face-laughing-at-the-irony sort of way.

Point out her mistakes in the email in a response? Maybe she was having a bad day.

Is your supervisor a man or women? Just wondering.

Woman.

Please don't tell me she's an attorney too. I would send that to her supervisor for revision. I would think my 12 year old would have a better grasp of grammar. Not me though.

I would just print out the email and ask her what she wanted because you couldn't understand the request.

I would not reply with another email. Don't want to leave a paper trail or start a paper war.

I kinda thought your supervisor was a women by the tone of her email. "I cannot convey to you the depth of my disappointment in the drafts you submitted to me yesterday." See guys don't get disappointed, we just get piss off and guys don't send email like that, we will just go and have a talk with the other person.

She is an attorney, too. And a former teacher. Can you say "Peter Principle"? :)

I will not send this, but it hit me while I was taking out the trash just now, the response I wish I could send:

My work speaks for itself. So does yours.

THAT is the ideal response. Too bad you can't send it.

Unless you have had some other similar replies from her, I would say she is completely off base. While I'm certain she doesn't expect to be a babysitter I'm sure she has seen and read other things that you have written. What would prompt her to be so abusive in her critique of your work, any recent run-ins?? Sounds like she has a bug up her arse for you otherwise perhaps she is just an idiot.

I would imagine that what you submitted was good quality in your mind, how can there be such a misconnect in expectations?

Print and frame it on your office door.

Some people who are supervisors or bosses feels that they have to find mistakes with whatever their employees submits for them to review or they are not doing their job.

I had my share of bosses who spent not hours but days revising details on architectural drawings, and they wonder why the projects are never completed within the allocated hours.

I wonder how much time she spent on composing that email to you? Sounds like she's a micro manager.

Unattributed. And on the inside, where she will have no right to remove it.

Just curious, are you younger and better looking than she is?

Tom

I suspect I have a pretty accurate mental image of your supervisor. Give us some more details on where you work and how long you've been there, and how old the supervisor is. More than a few of us have navigated similar shoals. Maybe we can offer some advice. Some senior lawyers just think this is how you are supposed to treat junior attorneys. I expect she grew up in a firm somewhere where she was abused and now she thinks this is how she is supposed to act.

Slip some exlax into her coffee.

Boy, that's a loaded question. No respecting women let alone an attorney will give you an answer to that question.

Usually, I am more than happy to give advice, in situations like these though... it usually ends up with me hanging myself, therefore, I will keep my mouth shut... good luck though.....

what would Danny Crane do?

"Denny Crane, Hope you die.."

Better yet what would Danny Bonaduce do? :D

Write a really nasty, point by point response. Print it out, read it over your beverage of choice. Then tear it up and throw it away.

Then write a short response acknowledging her email and invite her to discuss the matter face to face. If the managing partner is a good sort and you are a good performer they want to keep, consider bcc'ing your short response so it's on file.

The more I read your responds to people posts the more I find that I am not the only one with a warp sense of humor on this board.

LOL

Gotta be, that was obvious. A man typically won't say things like that in an office setting. More likely a claw-bearing jealous witch, and it is totally inappropriate. it has irrational emotion all over it. Seen it several times over the years.

If it was a big company I'd say march into HR and get her strung up. But if it's a small law firm, get your resume updated. She obviously has it in for you and hell hath no fury. She won't stop, it'll get ugly, it's either you or her and you need to figure out who has more pull.
Maybe there's a guy in the office that she has the hots for and she caught him looking at you or something. Sometimes that's all it takes.

Just for fun, why don't you post what you wrote that she picked apart?

Edit: one other thing I'd recommend you do besides updating your resume, I'd forward that reply to her superior. He or she needs to know what kind of a tool is working for the company.

A lot of women attorneys carry a perpetual chip on their shoulder, with a seeming constant need to prove they are a "bad azz," she sounds like one of them.

Yeah, that whole tell the truth thing is way beyond them :rolleyes:

A sound cropdusting in the elevator ought to square y'all up.

Also, how you respond depends on a whole bunch of factors:

Your reputation in the firm, your support in the firm, what others think of your past writing, her position, her reputation, her power base, the level of truth in her criticism, the size of the firm, how long you have been there, how long she has been there, and a lot more.

I would handle it carefully, though, and take is seriously. She is no doubt going to talk about it, and whether it's true or not, it has the potential to damage you, perhaps permanently in the firm. Perception = reality.

Also, short term, I'd try to get away from her, don't work with her on any more cases/projects. Instead, try to work with those who you have a better relationship. This woman obviously does not respect you, and based on her email, it's safe to say never will.

Long term, focus on getting and controlling clients. That is the only path to job security in the legal profession. The field is filled with currently unemployed lawyers who are good writers and have good technical legal skills - lawyers like that never have real job security. Go out and try to get your own clients, and also try to poach the ones that are currently at the firm - develop relationships with them and make them think of you as their attorney.

A lawyer who has and controls clients is the only one who controls her own destiny and has any real security.

First of all, did her email actually/literally include [bla, bla, bla]?

If so, you should inform her that it's spelled b-l-a-h.

Seriously, has she ever treated you this way before... even remotely?

If not, spend 30 minutes this weekend speculating as to what could have come over her. If you really can't come up with anything, make a mark on your calendar and then see if she spazzes out again 28-31 days from now.

You mention that you submitted it to her for review and editing... don't you wish you could reply, "IT'S A FARKING DRAFT, YOU B*TCH... I DIDN'T PUT MY BEST WORK INTO IT BECAUSE I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO CHANGE THE DRAPES AND THE ACCESSORIES, ANYWAY LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO. GET A GRIP, ROSIE."

Kathy,

Sorry you had to receive such blatantly unprofessional messages. Suffice it to say that, unless the two of you already have an ongoing conflict on a rather low level, that message says a whole lot more about the insecurity, poor social skills and rudeness of the sender than of the receiver.

I would avoid stooping to the same low level in returning her message. Do not give her the satisfaction of noticing her malicious intent had the expected result of getting you down and defensive.

+1 on what Levi said ^

well said, but I would also keep a copy ofthis e-mail. A year from now it might be a blessing.

You said you sent it to her to be reviewed and edited. Why didn't she just do her job? Seems to me she still owes you something. I'd wait on it. Or maybe this wasn't an assignment.

Kathy aka Vroom Girl,

I'm very sorry for you and I can only imagine what kind of pain a person like this could do to a soul like you. My first reaction would be F. U., go to the bosses boss and say I'm outa here if you don't take control of this situation.

Seriously, I do not think I would ever be in a position like this? I've also taught my kids the same personal skills; if there is anything worth "defending" it's your personal reputation and honor. To inject a solution at mid-stream in your life is difficult.

Dr. Wayne Dyer, a leading psychologist and author has a great point to consider; his analogy is of the orange and worth reading.... (paraphrased of course:)

I know that's a weird message from an Irish bloke that loves to punch people, but I have come to learn that it's true. Don't allow the circumstances or situations in our lives determine who or how we are/act or react. Determine who you are and then apply that to your situations and circumstances! Much better.

You are above this person.

Second point to ponder, is the power of the subconscious mind. Believe it or not, what you think about this person is what they think about you in return. You need to change what you think about your boss. Start to see them the way YOU want them to be and within the next 30 days they will conform to your expectations. Did you expect your boss to be critical? (lots of good insight on this from the book; Power of the Subconscious Mind).

If you want to leave your job; go out fighting, kicking and screaming. Take some great pleasure in it! Ha!

If you want to keep your job; you'll need to get along with your boss, start to think only good things about your boss and start to treat them exactly the way you would want to be treated; they will come around. (This is theory, as I usually practice the fighting, kicking and screaming method? sorry)

You're a dear and a friend of our PPOT community, we wish you all the best! Please keep us posted. If you need some Italian boyz to handle the situation, I can negotiate a reduced fee for you! :p

I generally just respond with the typical ''Sorry you were unhappy. I am clear about what you want now, except for the following points. I am always happy to accomodte, and all you have to do is ask. Of course I was only trying to follow instructions, and in the future I will try to make sure I have a clear grasp of the objective, so that we can proceed with more efficiency. I hope his isn't holding you up too badly, and thanks for setting me straight.''

In the future, make sure you listen to what they say,and then go ahead and give them what they need, and what nwill make them look good. They only care about the result, and they are not capable of asking for the proper product. They will only care if you fail to follow instructions if you screw up. Don't screw up, and give them more than what they ask for. Always communicate that you want to make sure that they look good, and that you are interested in making sure they are taken care of.

Many supervisors don't want you to ask a lot of questions or critique. Often they don't really know what they want, so asking a lot of questions will only get you in hotter water. All you need to do is figure out what they need. Give them what they need, not what they want.

Practice saying ''No problem, I'll get that taken care of right away. Is there any thing else you would like me to do ?'' Do not over apologize. Once is all that is needed. Focus on the solution, and move on. This is business, not a cat fight. Take a cold shower and move on.

Yeah, I'm blunt. So is business.

You are the best, so You Go Girl !!!

Let me explain,
There's a very good book I read in College called, "Positioning" and it can be applied to our lives too. I've taught my kids the concept and I'll try to share in a paragraph or two?

I have two kids just entering the work world environment right now, so this is fresh in our family. My 18 year old daughter has just begun getting some work experience and my 25 yo son is now supervising many people his senior (trades).

One day I witnessed a 40 yo man yelling at my son; they engaged in screaming at each other in an argument. My son was the supervisor in the situation.

Later I explained to my son, NEVER allow a person to yell at you or defamate (sp?) your character; EVER. Yes, including ME, your Dad. This first of all shows a disrespect towards you and who you are and if you allow it in a relationship, it will only continue and spiral downward. DON'T allow it. Of course he asked me what he was to do?

The minute someone disrespects you, you must take up battle and defend your honor. If I were in the situation I would calmly and pleasantly state that if you (the screamer) ever yell at me again I'm gonna flatten you out on the pavement and then I'm gonna remove your sorry a$$ from this job permanently. (That's me), so if you don't want to flatten someones a$$, you must reply in a fashion that states you will not tolerate the deformation of your character; in so many words.

ie: someone posts that Realtors are A$$ H*les..... I go into defensive mode, period. Especially in my very own PPOT community!

This starts at a young age. A teacher gives you a "B" and you ask why did I get a B Mrs. Z? They reply, and realize that you didn't think a B was good enough. Next time you get an A. (summary example of course, but true) I took my oldest 17 yo daughter out of her school in grade 11 and she started a new school in grade 12 (final year); she practiced this 'positioning' style with an expectation of the grades that SHE wanted, not accepting anything less. It worked. Typically what you expect of others, they will provide; as long as you have the same expectations of yourself first. In her former school, where she attended for many years, the teachers had already branded her..... oh, she's a C student! She allowed the branding to take place years before.

"Positioning" is all about how we feel about ourselves inside, which transposes to how others feel about us outside. Don't allow the people outside to determine how you feel about yourself inside. Inside first, outside will always follow.

My two Canadian cents, hope it helps?
Robinator ;)

Maybe it can be resolved if the whole office chips in and orders a gigolo for that bad grammar using , grumpy complain broad?

Wow you guys. Hee! I came back thinking I should delete my post, not expecting an avalanche of responses. I have not read them all yet, but let me tell you what I've done so far.

Great minds think alike? :) I did print out the offending "sentences", with quote marks, in a lovely VERY LARGE font, and put my little poster on the wall across from my desk - unattributed.

Then I took the number which represents my salary, and I printed each of those digits on a single sheet of paper, again, very large print, and I hung those in a column on the back of my office door. Because at this point, that dollar figure reminds me of the sole reason I am actually putting up with this crap. Childish? I suppose. Frankly, I needed a little levity to keep my shoulder to the wheel the day I got this thing.

As many of the replies here suggest, there IS more to the story and I think it's pretty clear that she DOES have a "bug up her arse" about me - I suspect, about an unrelated matter in which she has no authority over me.

Boot to the head.

It's highly unprofessional. I can't count the number of times I have had something turned into me that was absolute crap. But I would never put something like that in writing. I make comments, turn it back to them and coach them up on what I want. This certainly doesn't convey that she wants your best from you or is willing to help you achieve it. (I don't know if your drafts were any good.)

I had a guy that worked for me on a project that received a review from someone else. He worked for her for about 40 hours. His work usually lacked an attention to detail that I had counseled him on. She had written a two page review about his poor performance on her project. Some of what she put in writing was ridiculous. He asked my opinion....thematically, she was correct and essentially gave the same feedback I gave him but in a far less productive way. Previously, I had this guy working for me for several months and I have him a hard time about his work all the time. But we made it work enough that he respected my opinion when I agreed in spirit with what she said, if not the format.

I'm hardly an HR/Human Relations expert so I'm not trying to toot my own horn. I used to work in a far more demanding environment (consulting) and I saw things done this way. It's so counterproductive.