Finally! MS retail stores

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

That Ballmer, he is a maverick who goes his own way. I do appreciate PC World's take on the announced Microsoft retail stores (note: *PC* World, not a Mac-fan publication)

http://www.pcworld.com/article/159521/10_ways_microsofts_retail_stores_will_differ_from_ apple_stores.html

So here are some yet-to-be-officially-revealed details about the Microsoft stores.

1) Instead of Apple's sheer walls of glass, Microsoft's stores will have brushed steel walls dotted with holes -- reminiscent of Windows security.

2) The store will have six different entrances: Starter, Basic, Premium, Professional, Enterprise, and Ultimate. While all six doors will lead into the same store, the Ultimate door requires a fee of $100 for no apparent reason.

3) Instead of a "Genius Bar" (as Apple provides) Microsoft will offer an Excuse Bar. It will be staffed by Microsofties trained in the art of evading questions, directing you to complicated and obscure fixes, and explaining it's a problem with the hardware -- not a software bug.

4) The Windows Genuine Advantage team will run storefront security, assuming everybody is a thief until they can prove otherwise.

5) Store hours are undetermined. At any given time the store mysteriously shuts down instantaneously for no apparent reason. (No word yet on what happens to customers inside).

6) Stores will be named Microsoft Live Retail Store with PC Services for Digital Lifestyle Enthusiasts.

7) Fashioned after Microsoft's User Account Control (UAC) in Vista, sales personnel will ask you whether you're positive you want to purchase something at least twice.

8) Xbox 360 section of the store will be organized in a ring -- which will inexplicably go red occasionally.

9) DreamWorks will design a scary in-store theme park ride called "blue screen of death."

10) Store emergency exits will be unlocked at all times so people can get in anytime they want even if the front doors are locked.

Jim Richards · 02-13-2009, 08:20 AM

Roflmao

cgarr · cgarr's Garage

Meet the Greater:

scottmandue · 02-13-2009, 10:43 AM

And all the product will cost half as much as apple.

stomachmonkey · 02-13-2009, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottmandue

And all the product will cost half as much as apple.

Really?

Show me a MSFT PC

Seems like their objective is purely Marketing driven vs Apple stores which actually generate revenue in a space where both Gateway and Dell crashed and burned.

Seric · 02-13-2009, 10:53 AM

I don't care who you are, that's funny right there, yes sir.

scottmandue · 02-13-2009, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

Really?

Show me a apple laptop for $600

Eric Coffey · 02-13-2009, 02:42 PM

I recently went into an Apple store to look at phone cases for my Palm Pro (same size as iPhone). I was getting a serious "Twilight-Zone" vibe in there. The zombie cult is strong with Apple. It almost felt like they knew I wasn't one of them.

red-beard · red-beard's Garage

We're you at least armed?

Eric Coffey · 02-13-2009, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by red-beard

We're you at least armed?

Of course! Still way outnumbered though. I got out of there ASAP.

Porsche-O-Phile · Porsche-O-Phile's Garage

Truth makes the best comedy...

People use Macs (and Linux, other open-source o/s-es) because they WANT to. People use Windows because they HAVE to. Big difference.

How many Windows bumper stickers do ya see driving around? I see a lot o' them apple logos, not too many Microsoft ones...

stealthn · 02-13-2009, 03:29 PM

Hularious!

Go in and ask them if Hyperterm will be brought back in Windows 7?

Eric Coffey · 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Porsche-O-Phile

Truth makes the best comedy...

People use Macs (and Linux, other open-source o/s-es) because they WANT to. People use Windows because they HAVE to. Big difference.

Ummm, yeahhh.

Quote:

How many Windows bumper stickers do ya see driving around? I see a lot o' them apple logos, not too many Microsoft ones...

See my "zombie cult" comment above... I use PC's exclusively, and am quite happy. I just don't fee the need to advertise my membership in the "society."

Also, wasn't the original Apple logo/sticker rainbow-striped? Not that there's anything wrong with that.

stealthn · 02-13-2009, 03:57 PM

Making some popcorn now waiting for the haters.....

Just think if Ballmer and Co. made good products about 1 billion people would be out of work, and that's just at the complaint department in Bangor India

sammyg2 · 02-13-2009, 04:16 PM

Is apple really that much better than MS? if the answer is yes, then apple gets the award for the absolute worst marketing strategy in the history of the world.
People like to say that apple is better but everyone uses MS (except for the 1%'ers).
Why does apples have such an incredibly small market share?

No, some lame excuse about MS predatory marketing practices is not an excuse or a legitimate answer.
Either they do not make a better computer product or they are naive idiots who don't know how to sell it.

Don Plumley · Don Plumley's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by sammyg2

Is apple really that much better than MS? if the answer is yes, then apple gets the award for the absolute worst marketing strategy in the history of the world.
People like to say that apple is better but everyone uses MS (except for the 1%'ers).
Why does apples have such an incredibly small market share?

No, some lame excuse about MS predatory marketing practices is not an excuse or a legitimate answer.
Either they do not make a better computer product or they are naive idiots who don't know how to sell it.

Apple was unable to penetrate the corporate business and IT departments back in the late 80's. They were idiots about this and nearly went out of business.

MS did a fantastic job of cementing themselves as the standard for computing - servers and workstations - in the corporate world. They bought zillions of PC's before home use became a blip on the radar. So when people went to buy computers, they bought what they used at work. And these computers are less expense than macs. Game Over. There is no "better" or "worse" discussion, it's all about installed base.

onewhippedpuppy · 02-13-2009, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Porsche-O-Phile

Truth makes the best comedy...

People use Macs (and Linux, other open-source o/s-es) because they WANT to. People use Windows because they HAVE to. Big difference.

How many Windows bumper stickers do ya see driving around? I see a lot o' them apple logos, not too many Microsoft ones...

$500 Dell does the same thing as a $1500 Mac, minus catchy ads and a bumper sticker. It's not worth $1000 to label myself as a dork.

Shaun @ Tru6 · 02-13-2009, 05:26 PM

Thank you for posting this entertaining* article.

*The article was mildly amusing. The response from the peanut gallery was very entertaining.

stomachmonkey · 02-13-2009, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sammyg2

Is apple really that much better than MS? if the answer is yes, then apple gets the award for the absolute worst marketing strategy in the history of the world.
People like to say that apple is better but everyone uses MS (except for the 1%'ers).
Why does apples have such an incredibly small market share?

No, some lame excuse about MS predatory marketing practices is not an excuse or a legitimate answer.
Either they do not make a better computer product or they are naive idiots who don't know how to sell it.

Actually the answer is IBM f'd up.

Apple was the dominant PC in the early days. Proprietary hardware and software.

IBm wanted into the business bad so built a piece of hardware from off the shelf components then went to Bill for an OS. Bill went down the road to Digital and bought an OS from them, renamed it MSDOS and here's the killer, licensed it to IBM.

IBM were under the mistaken impression that the hardware was what mattered and agreed to the licensing deal.

Fast forward a bit an Toshiba reverse engineers the hardware, (off the shelf, not proprietary components) and licenses the same OS from MSFT and the Clone Wars are on.

Remember before this MSFT where an application company. Their first killer app was excell for the Mac.

IBM's mistake led to the market being flooded with cheap hardware that ran MS-Dos and that's the primary reason for MSFT dominating OS market share.

The fact that Apple have survived and remained profitable is a testament to their product.

We live in a world populated with Chevys, Fords and Kia's, yet some of us realize the inherent value in a quality product like a Porsche.

stomachmonkey · 02-13-2009, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

$500 Dell does the same thing as a $1500 Mac, minus catchy ads and a bumper sticker. It's not worth $1000 to label myself as a dork.

Here's the inside of a Mac

Now go open your Dell and tell me that the spaghetti vomit inside can compare to it.

When you buy Apple hardware you are buying bar non the absolutely highest level of industrial design in the computer industry.

There is not a lose wire in sight, no tools are required to replace components, everything is engineered to the highest level of detail.

If you have no need to open your computer then go buy a $500 mess. If you want engineering that would make Fergi wet his pants you need to look to Apple.

Honestly, without Apple constantly raising the bar you'd be looking at a sorry POS for a computer.

Even if you never buy an Apple product you are still benefitting from the standard that they set.

No rational person can deny that they are the drivers of innovation in the industry.