Question Re: Son staying with friend

Jims5543 · 06-21-2009, 06:51 AM

My 16 y/o was invited to go up North to visit a school friend for a week this summer. Actually he is leaving this afternoon to fly up.

The boys parents are uber wealthy, like blows my mind wealthy. Money is no object with these folks.

I have sent him with pocket money to pay his own way for whatever activity they do while there.

I would like to send a Thank you note with my son, I wanted to enclose some additional cash, with a note explaining that we wanted to offer something to offset the burden a 16 year old boy will put on them food wise.

I am just not sure how to word the note and if I am being rude offering, my common sense is telling me this is a kind thing to do, I just do not want to across wrong.

Rot 911 · 06-21-2009, 06:57 AM

I think the way you worded it the message is perfect. Not rude, but shows them that you are not taking their wealth for granted.

Don Plumley · Don Plumley's Garage

Great question. I've been on both sides of this situation.

This has nothing to do with wealth and everything to do with common courtesy and respect: If we invite a friend along with us on vacation, we've invited them to be "part of the family" that week. I do appreciate when the parents initially and after offer to compensate for their kids share. I really appreciate when the kid says, "oh, please let me pay my way." But after their first offer I'll say to them, "Thank you so much, but the week is on us so please just enjoy yourself."

If the teenage kid is in a gift shop or something, then I expect they are paying for their own souvenirs. If we go anywhere with admission, airfare, food, etc., I don't expect out guest to touch their wallet.

I think you should contact the parents (in advance would have been better) and make the clear offer that you would like to pay your son's share of expenses. And after the trip is over, call them up and make the offer again. I expect it will be declined. Then send a nice thank you note along with a simple gift as an expression of thanks for their generosity. And you son should write the parents a simple note as well.

IMHO, sending money without discussion is a little insulting at worst or awkward at best.

jyl · jyl's Garage

When a family invites a kid to visit, room and board are assumed to be included. There is no need or expectation to pay or offer to pay for that. Sending him with pocket money for activities etc is right.

However, when we have a kid for a visit, the activities are on us as well, and I think that's the more normal practice. After all, the host family chooses the activities and can thus control the expense. So the kid's pocket money is only needed if he/she wants to buy a souvenir etc.

David · David's Garage

I think the thank you note is very thoughtful, but I wouldn't bother putting money in the note.

TerryH · TerryH's Garage

Send no money, thank them and mention you look forward to having their boy visit soon.

Garp · 06-21-2009, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TerryH

Send no money, thank them and mention you look forward to having their boy visit soon.

Ding, ding. Winner.

craigster59 · craigster59's Garage

"Thanks for watching the waif for a week. Here's a little dough-re-mi to keep his piehole filled. Hope to return the favor, Jim"

lowyder993s · lowyder993s's Garage

What Don and Terry said, maybe a nice bottle of wine when they return as well as returning the favor...at least that's how we've done it on both sides.

Jims5543 · 06-21-2009, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jyl

When a family invites a kid to visit, room and board are assumed to be included. There is no need or expectation to pay or offer to pay for that. Sending him with pocket money for activities etc is right.

However, when we have a kid for a visit, the activities are on us as well, and I think that's the more normal practice. After all, the host family chooses the activities and can thus control the expense. So the kid's pocket money is only needed if he/she wants to buy a souvenir etc.

This is my thought process, I pay the kids way, we have done this with nieces and nephews when taking them on vacation and never expected anything in return, nor was it offered though.

We have taken said friend and others out to dinner and on sleep over nights ordered in for them or cooked for them never expected any compensation nor was it offered, same goes when our son has stayed over at this or other friends homes for a night.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 125shifter

I think the thank you note is very thoughtful, but I wouldn't bother putting money in the note.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TerryH

Send no money, thank them and mention you look forward to having their boy visit soon.

Sending money, I am afraid it will come across as insulting, hence my hesitation. I really do not know the father very well, he is a very busy businessman that is rarely around. My wife and I know the mother quite well, she is at all the school functions and the one that drops off and picks up her son from our house when he sleeps over here, she is also the one that greets us when its the other way around. I have met the dad twice and he seemed very distracted both times, I was not sure what to make of it.

As a matter of fact the family is up in the Northeast right now and the mom is picking up my son as she drops her husband off to go back here to Florida to go back for work for a week, then vice versa when my son comes back.

I will send a thank you note for now, I will make sure my son offers to pay his way no matter what. Then another note from the son, and a gift from us after the summer and I know they are back.

Also as a point of interest, we invited the son to come to the Bahamas this past week but he was heading up to the NE so could not. I would not have expected him to pay for anything nor his parents and where we were was very expensive and we did some super crazy expensive excursions.

legion · 06-21-2009, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TerryH

Send no money, thank them and mention you look forward to having their boy visit soon.

I agree. This is the best approach.

Neilk · 06-21-2009, 11:12 AM

Don't have your son try to pay for his own food during meals, but instead have him invite them to dinner once. If they refuse, have him slip a credit card to waiter on the way to bathroom or something.

rnln · 03:12 PM

I agree with Don on this. They invite your son, all they want is his present, not money. I would only mention it once or twice. Instead of forcing them to take your $$ or trying to do thing that might make either side feel uncomfortable, I would just appreciate and get them some nice gift. The boy's behavior is the most important.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Don Plumley

Great question. I've been on both sides of this situation.

This has nothing to do with wealth and everything to do with common courtesy and respect: If we invite a friend along with us on vacation, we've invited them to be "part of the family" that week. I do appreciate when the parents initially and after offer to compensate for their kids share. I really appreciate when the kid says, "oh, please let me pay my way." But after their first offer I'll say to them, "Thank you so much, but the week is on us so please just enjoy yourself."

If the teenage kid is in a gift shop or something, then I expect they are paying for their own souvenirs. If we go anywhere with admission, airfare, food, etc., I don't expect out guest to touch their wallet.

I think you should contact the parents (in advance would have been better) and make the clear offer that you would like to pay your son's share of expenses. And after the trip is over, call them up and make the offer again. I expect it will be declined. Then send a nice thank you note along with a simple gift as an expression of thanks for their generosity. And you son should write the parents a simple note as well.

IMHO, sending money without discussion is a little insulting at worst or awkward at best.