When did you know it was over in a relationship?

[DARISC]

Back in college, some friends hanging out at someone's house, one said, sadly, "Damn! Peggy and Steve are getting divorced." Another responded flatly, "That's what they get for getting married."

I have nothing against marriage (I have two to my...credit?), but that has always stuck in my mind.

Both my ex-wives were good housekeepers; when we divorced, they kept the houses - BADDA BING!!

I occasionally see my second wife on the road when I'm driving. It's been years and I still miss her. But my aim is improving - BADDA BOOM!!

[LakeCleElum]

Originally Posted by jhynesrockmtn

My marriage had never been great from an intimacy perspective. After 20 ish years she tells me after a small argument over the purchase of a 72 911 project that she'd always loved and respected me as a friend but not more. She knew it very early on but couldn't face the mistake she'd made. We got married too young. Not enough relationship experience to know what worked and what didn't. The kids kept us together. A lot of time wasted. I got two great kids out of the deal though. So nice to have moved on in a healthy way. Staying together for the kids is the wrong thing to do but it took a good therapist to convince us of that.

Jerry - If I recall, you stood by patiently to look at that '72 project until I was finished looking and decided to pass. So, are you saying if I'd bought it, I would have saved your marriage? Wish I knew it was you that day, we would have talked Porsche and m/c's.......What ever happened to that '72?

[Rikao4]

hope it's not..
but... when you find yourself doing your best and more..
but still get pissed on...
your looking for compromise..they expect surrender...
when you find yourself asking is this worth it..?
the train has left the station..
your asking ..should I slow down or stop...

ticket please..
good luck..

Rika

[genrex]

Damn, Rika...


So many incredible posts. This is a special thread.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Rika has the best haikus.

[911Freak]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

Rika has the best haikus.

+1

Top Shelf Thread too!

[TechnoViking]

There came a point where any answer I gave was the wrong answer. Any action I took was the wrong action. The epiphany was when I realized the game was rigged. That's when I knew it was over.

All for the best, though. Life goes on.

[widebody911]

I'm not going to get married. I'm just going to find a chick I can't stand and give her my house.

[craigster59]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

Rika has the best haikus.

I think he's trying to follow in David Carradine's footsteps.....well, except for the whole tying himself up in the closet thing..

[VincentVega]

I knew it was over when I posted on the internet asking for advice.

[legion]

When was it over?

I can only speak to dating, as I'm on my only marriage. And yes, the standards for marriage and dating are very different.

I broke up with one girl because I realized I couldn't fix (change) her. That was an important life lesson. From that point on, I looked for women that suited me, instead of trying to make them suit me.

I broke up with one girl because the relationship had run its course and when it came down to it, we had fun but we never clicked.

Then there is this other girl. I asked her out twice in high school. She turned me down twice. We became friends in college (she was a few years younger) and hung out all the time with each other. We didn't really date, but we spent a lot of time with each other. I'd often, but not always pay for our activities. I took her out to dinner a few times. We never did anything physical. I think we were both a little afraid of breaking that barrier because it would have changed things. We each dated other people on and off for years, but there were long periods where we were both single. She lived by my parents in Naperville and would swing by whenever my car was in front of their house. At some point I decided that she had some baggage (namely her family--her brother is the guy who won't stop calling me) that I didn't want. The last time I saw her, she told me that I was the nicest guy she had ever dated (and I never considered us as having dated). I knew what that meant was that she was finally ready for a relationship, but I had moved on. I was with my now-wife and the other girl and I drifted apart. I didn't invite her to my wedding. I felt like we had been so emotionally close in the past that it would have been like inviting an ex-girlfriend.

[911Freak]

OK, here's my 2 contributions

We'll call her Shelia, the girl could put the booze away, she started bouncing checks for Wild Turkey at her place of work (super mrkt)... she took my daughter (4 at the time) with her in a car where there were open containers in the car.... I packed her shyte up and called her brother to come get her... the lies, stupidity all out performed her performances in the bedroom, (they were legendary) couldn't live with the crazy any longer.... I couldn't expose my kid, mtg, career to the constant collateral damage... wrote a song about it "Walkin the dog azz biatch"

This also crazy -
We'll call her "Evil Stacy" (name changed to protect...)
She started going to the gym a lot, lost too much weight, had 3..count 'em 3 boob jobs, a nose job... there was something brewing and I knew it was only a matter of time... I got out quick and clean and just in time to witness the subsequent carnage that followed... She had daddy issues and there was nothing and I mean nothing that I could do to help her through that..

Now for the record there were no marriages or children involved directly with these woman, if so I might have handled things differently, but as it was I knew I didn't have the ability to cope with the madness and frankly didn't have to b/c they were girlfriends...

My heart goes out to the guys who married women who at some point in their relationships had a cataclysmic shift in the DNA of their relationships where marriage and/or children are involved....

[Joeaksa]

Originally Posted by Kurt V

Same thing I was thinking.

Same here and hope he is asking about a friend.

[Joeaksa]

Originally Posted by widebody911

I'm not going to get married. I'm just going to find a chick I can't stand and give her my house.

You will probably get laid a LOT more than those of us who have tried marriage.

[exc911ence]

Originally Posted by widebody911

When she told me she wanted kids. For the n000th time...

I'm living that "dream" right now...

[Dueller]

Thanks for your thoughtful and occasional acerbic replies.

I am at a cross road now. Although I have made many concessions regarding the stepdtrs and what I consider wife's overly permissive attitude by finally limiting my input to one or two basic house rules, my wife blatantly conspired (let's call it what it was...outright deceived me and lied) to cover up the breach of a non-negotiable rule by one of the stepdtrs.

I snapped and went ballistic...vicious argument with horrible name calling by both of us. Wife and girls packed bags and moved out.

The irony is that the girls will be leaving in 5 weeks to go off to college and they are absolutely our only point of contention. Otherwise we get along very well on all levels.

On the plus side I really am enjoying the peace and quiet of my home.

[stomachmonkey]

Originally Posted by Dueller

Thanks for your thoughtful and occasional acerbic replies.

I am at a cross road now. Although I have made many concessions regarding the stepdtrs and what I consider wife's overly permissive attitude by finally limiting my input to one or two basic house rules, my wife blatantly conspired (let's call it what it was...outright deceived me and lied) to cover up the breach of a non-negotiable rule by one of the stepdtrs.

I snapped and went ballistic...vicious argument with horrible name calling by both of us. Wife and girls packed bags and moved out.

The irony is that the girls will be leaving in 5 weeks to go off to college and they are absolutely our only point of contention. Otherwise we get along very well on all levels.

On the plus side I really am enjoying the peace and quiet of my home.

Sorry to hear. Really does suck.

Your threads on you and the wife have two consistent themes.

She undermines you.

You have some anger control issues.

You both have things to work on whether you say together or not.

Both issues will affect any future relationships that either of you have.

Good luck.

[Moses]

Jim,

Respectfully, I think you may have crossed a line or two. Your wife felt compelled to deceive you because she has intense, primal loyalty to her girls. Her fierce devotion to her girls may not be rational, but it's very natural. It's the very same devotion and loyalty that would make her a wonderful wife.

Never, ever get between the mama bear and her cubs. Never.

If you value your marriage, you need to apologize. Profusely and sincerely. You also need to apologize to the girls. And promise never to interfere again. And DON'T.

You should not be put in legal or financial jeopardy because of the girls poor decision making, but pretty much every thing else is off the table.

Save your marriage and salvage a healthy relationship with the girls. I hope it's not too late.

[Dueller]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

Sorry to hear. Really does suck.

Your threads on you and the wife have two consistent themes.

She undermines you.

You have some anger control issues.

You both have things to work on whether you say together or not.

Both issues will affect any future relationships that either of you have.

Good luck.

Very insightful, monkey. Had my wife been up front and told me what had happened and we moved forward with an agreed plan to address stepdtr's behavior, I have no doubt there would have been no angry outburst. Wife's delusional need to "protect" her children from being called on missteps is insane.

[Heel n Toe]

Originally Posted by Moses

If you value your marriage, you need to apologize. Profusely and sincerely. You also need to apologize to the girls. And promise never to interfere again. And DON'T.

"Interfere"? He said he had one or two basic house rules.

If those stepdaughters can't live without violating them... and their mother covers up for them, they are the ones who need to apologize, IMO.

He might apologize for losing his temper, but maybe they lost their tempers, too... and the "discussion" got heated because the wimmens got caught trying to defend the indefensible... and defaulted to counterattacking with emotion as wimmens often do... completely avoiding the fact they were wrong.