When did you know it was over in a relationship?

[aigel]

From last year: OK...get ready to hammer me. My latest "How do I deal with mom and my step kids?" wh

Originally Posted by aigel

Central problem: Your wife does not back you up and has no respect for you.

This is what makes you upset. Not that the beer is missing or that the kids don't listen.

Unfortunately respect and full backing of your partner are fundamentals in a relationship that develop very early. I recommend you seek some form of marriage counseling. Your skin may be pretty thick, but you can't be happy in this. Also think about the long term - the central problem will not go away by the kids moving out.

Good Luck!

George

It is normal to get upset if you are not respected and lied to. Dueller's issue is that he is a pushover and will never get respect in this relationship. The fact that he sends flowers and makes contact is proof. And it looks like we have a whole crew of whipped guys on the board that applaud such a bonehead move ...

In all seriousness, Dueller, I would GTFO! AAMOF would have done so long time ago. Life is short. You can do better. These women will chew you up and spit you out when they are done with you. I hope she has made the decision for you.

All the best,

George

[JE928sx4]

When you offer to take her to London for New Years and she say's no (I went anyway and glad I did), then find she's F***ing your buddy the mega millionaire, but also find out she's also been the mistress of a senior partner at Patton, Boggs L.L.P. for the last 10 years. That's OK. She took them both for a ton of $$$ and found out I was giving her the high hard one every chance she got. That was the best revenge.

[MFAFF]

Originally Posted by Joeaksa

If the problem is your anger, which you have admitted to, then YOU need to promise to her to get some help for it, but (and this is a big but) make sure she knows that if she was totally honest with you, that you would not be getting mad.

Jim,

I suspect that anger is a root cause here...and getting help for that, for yourself is the best answer.. you are not doing it for her. Its for yourself.. if she likes the result.. great... if not you have an easier and happier life...a win win..

Go for it and suit yourself for a change...

Best

[imcarthur]

Originally Posted by aigel

Dueller's issue is that he is a pushover and will never get respect in this relationship. The fact that he sends flowers and makes contact is proof. And it looks like we have a whole crew of whipped guys on the board that applaud such a bonehead move ...

Wrong. It is merely a good political move. 'Know thine enemy' He is wise to approach with a peace offering. And to apologize for HIS part in this. If you know the female of the species at all, you know that you have to break the logjam BEFORE you can even have a meaningful conversation. His gesture doesn't signify capitulation at all, it just softens the tension.

Ian

[Groesbeck Hurricane]

The following is a downsized (cleaned up) statement from my wife:

That b*#%@!!!!! I'll bet she was calling her attorney! (Wife is fuming mad!!!)

She is lying to him, deceiving him, it is the same thing as if she were cheating on him!!! It destroys relationships, kills trust!! She left him, she moved out, he never asked her to move out! What is her d$&# signal to him???

Dump the b&$*@!! He can do better! I hate nice guys finishing last!!!



Oh, and my Wife almost never curses!!

Just a stupid question from me: How many marraiges for your wife? Why did it/they end?

[Dueller]

Originally Posted by Groesbeck Hurricane

The following is a downsized (cleaned up) statement from my wife:

That b*#%@!!!!! I'll bet she was calling her attorney! (Wife is fuming mad!!!)

She is lying to him, deceiving him, it is the same thing as if she were cheating on him!!! It destroys relationships, kills trust!! She left him, she moved out, he never asked her to move out! What is her d$&# signal to him???

Dump the b&$*@!! He can do better! I hate nice guys finishing last!!!



Oh, and my Wife almost never curses!!

Just a stupid question from me: How many marraiges for your wife? Why did it/they end?

One prior marriage...ended about 10-12 years ago. Reason? Various but primarily drugs and lying (him). I know its her version but it has been substantially corroborated as accurate.

[Jim Richards]

Lying is a relationship killer.

However it turns out, Jim, best wishes for your long-term happiness.

[Dueller]

Originally Posted by Jim Richards

Lying is a relationship killer.

However it turns out, Jim, best wishes for your long-term happiness.

Snow tires

thanks, Jim

[widebody911]

Originally Posted by groesbeck hurricane

the following is a downsized (cleaned up) statement from my wife:

That b*#%@!!!!! I'll bet she was calling her attorney! (wife is fuming mad!!!)

+1

[Macroni]

Dude,
Get help.

[Joeaksa]

As noted above, I would be getting ready should she have already called a lawyer and be making a split.

If you have a joint account and there is a lot in there, might think about taking half. Same with other assets. Anything really expensive that is yours at home, move it to the storage locker that you are going to rent.

If she returns home, be careful of "spousal abuse" situations and if things get difficult call the police and tell them you want help moving out that you are afraid of a false claim against you.

Being ready for a difficult situation does not mean its going to happen. Hope it does not but if it does it puts you in a better position to land on your feet. She has played games with you for far too long now, its time to regain at least 50% control.

[gassy]

Easy for me to armchair quarterback the situation but here goes. Deal with your anger issues. Don't do it for her, do it for yourself. Nothing negative can come from that. Make an appointment and let her know. You're not apologizing for anything, you're being proactive with a self-admitted issue. If she doesn't want the marriage to continue, nothing will save it. End of story. But, you'll be helping yourself in the long run. Tough situation. The girls will always come first with her. Forever. Seems like the need to protect is only going to increase now that their dad is gone. Hang in there. Making the first step in alleviating--or trying to alleviate--personal issues you have that add to the problem is hard, but it's the right thing to do.

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by Shadetree930

You are delusional if you think the girls going to college with take the pressure off.

+1

My folks breathed a lot easier when I was done with college, but that's because I finished early and didn't ask them for money afterwards. My sister was the opposite and my folks were a LOT tougher on us than your wife sounds to be on her girls. I vividly remember my dad asking for his credit card back and telling me I was on my own right after graduation. I don't see that happening with those girls. They will be living with your wife again. Mark my words. And I still believe Ian's room monkeys will move back in with him too. Besides, if their being away really makes your life that much easier, then that's an issue in itself.

[legion]

Your dad gave you his credit card!?

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by legion

Your dad gave you his credit card!?

For emergencies only and with a $500 limit on it. I had to use it once too when a fuel pump died (his car) on the way home from Pittsburgh.

I missed a Rush concert in Phiily that night because of that!

[ruf-porsche]

Originally Posted by aigel

From last year: OK...get ready to hammer me. My latest "How do I deal with mom and my step kids?" wh
.................... The fact that he sends flowers and makes contact is proof. And it looks like we have a whole crew of whipped guys on the board that applaud such a bonehead move ...George

If that's what it takes to make a relationship work call me P.W.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Any married man who claims to not be whipped is in denial.

[porsche4life]

Originally Posted by legion

Your dad gave you his credit card!?

My dad gave me a no limit card on his account. Now it is only used for fuel and the few times I have used it for other stuff I called and checked with him first.

[the]

Originally Posted by legion

Your dad gave you his credit card!?

When I was in college, and later graduate school, my parents gave me a credit card that they paid. I never saw the bills. I have no idea what the limit on it was, but I'm sure it was high.

They also gave me an ATM card linked to an account that always had plenty of money in it. I never saw the account statements for the account, I just know that no matter how much I withdrew, there was always plenty left!

I was free to spend it however I saw fit. They never once mentioned spending, or limits to me. Never had to. I spent as little of it as possible. I never viewed it as my money to waste.

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by the

When I was in college, and later graduate school, my parents gave me a credit card that they paid. I never saw the bills. I have no idea what the limit on it was, but I'm sure it was high.

They also gave me an ATM card linked to an account that always had plenty of money in it. I never saw the account statements for the account, I just know that no matter how much I withdrew, there was always plenty left!

I was free to spend it however I saw fit. They never once mentioned spending, or limits to me. Never had to. I spent as little of it as possible. I never viewed it as my money to waste.

You forgot the green font. For real? I knew kids like this in prep school. But it was unimagineable in my family.

Of course, I had keep it a secret that I worked during college because my folks thought they gave me enough money at the beginnng of each semester, which I had usually pissed away in the first two week on music equipment and booze.