My wife and I set a trap for our son and it worked

cantdrv55 · 07-29-2009, 01:15 AM

I had an evening work function and my wife went to visit her mother so we told our 18 y/o son that we wouldn't be home tonight. Trap! Some of you might recall that ever since he started college he hasn't been the same. Well, my wife comes home around 7PM and finds him and his best friend since the 6th grade, downing tequila shots and smoking a doobie. Both boys were so high they didn't hear her coming through the front door. Wife said she'll never forget their facial expression when they realized they were busted.

There was wall-to-wall counseling at home tonight. The toughest thing to deal with is knowing I did the same exact stuff and worse when I was his age. I had to be hard on him AND appear not to be a hypocrite at the same time. That was difficult.

Dueller · 07-29-2009, 01:18 AM

You oughta have twin step-dtrs and a permissive mom. OH WAIT....I GOT FIRED FROM THAT JOB.

cantdrv55 · 07-29-2009, 01:26 AM

Sorry to hear about that, Jim.

Dueller · 07-29-2009, 01:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cantdrv55

Sorry to hear about that, Jim.

Thanks '55. Jury's still out. Whatever happens, I'll be fine.n To tell the truth, I've enjoyed parts of the "break." Learning to be selfish again.

alf · 07-29-2009, 01:45 AM

Happened to me. Got caught stoned at a friend's house Senior Summer, got sent home to my mom early in the morning after i slept it off.

Mom (sitting in bed)- I told you that you should not do drugs, i am very sad and disappointed. But i realize that you had to try it yourself. Tell me, did you like it?

Me (standing at foot of her bed)- Sorry mom, it was my first time with pot and i do not like it because it made me loose control of my own mind. I will not do it again.

Mom- OK. Go to sleep, i will call your work and tell them you are ill. I will trust that you will not do it again.

That was the end of it. I do not touch drugs and love my mom for trusting me to do the right thing despite the fact that i did the wrong thing first...

livi · 07-29-2009, 01:50 AM

Parenthood. Toughest job on the planet. Your situation reflects rather well the old rule of thumb: Children don´t listen to your words, they copy your actions.

Geronimo '74 · 07-29-2009, 01:57 AM

A doobie is not the end of the world either. I'm certainly not encouraging this but I smoked a good few in my day and I turned out just fine. The other heavier stuff tends to get ugly a lot more, sooner and worse. (Don't ask me how I know, let's say I know people who know people...)
Again, I do not encourage drug use at all.

Rick V · 07-29-2009, 03:39 AM

I got busted twice, neither was good
1 I was at a friends house, we had ditched school. When his mom popped in there was enough empty beercans laying around to make several intake manifolds. I was the one with the Tokemaster between the knees. She flipped out and yelled at me to leave, I parted company with the residence very fast. She was in such a huff she never did ask who I was so my parents were never called. My buddy did a stint in rehab. He never dimed me out.
2 I was coming home from a Friday night out on the town with friends, I was beyond drunk and had no biz driving, I had no biz walking. I was talking to my dad on the cb the whole way home. He knew I was drunk before I hit the driveway. When I went to open the door, it was ripped out of my hand, I magically became airborne across the kitchen, then to my surprise I realized that yes indeed I was sliding on my back down the hallway and stopped after I had slid past 4 bedroom doors and stopped against the wall. As I was trying to figure out where all these new magical powers were coming from I found myself levitating against the wall and realized that that very angry face belonged to my dad. I recon I should mention that my dad played middle linebacker for Navy and the years had done nothing to diminish his size or strength. He just looked at me and said, "no, I won't do this" he dusted me off and sent me to bed. I awoke the next morning at 5am to the sound of my father telling me I had 15 mins to brush my teeth and get something to eat and I was to meet him in the back yard. I was handed a weedeater, not the gas powered kind but the old school golf club kind and was instructed as to where I was to start and where to be when I was finished. I spent the day, hungover, in the hot august sun, cleaning the ditches in front of the house and all through the woods. Needless to say, we never had that problem again.
I told him later I would have rather he just beat the daylights out of me, his comment was that I would never learn that way. He is a very smart man.

Langers · 07-29-2009, 03:50 AM

Give him 30 minutes to pack his things and get out of the house. Absolutely no excuses for that kind of disgusting behaviour. An absolute disgrace an shows no respect for you as a parent.

Rick V · 07-29-2009, 03:59 AM

shouldn't that have been written in green? Now is the time for a kid to make the mistakes that they can get over. It is almost a right of passage.

onewhippedpuppy · 07-29-2009, 04:11 AM

Quote:

Give him 30 minutes to pack his things and get out of the house. Absolutely no excuses for that kind of disgusting behaviour. An absolute disgrace an shows no respect for you as a parent.

Damn, did you spend your teen years in church? As the others said, its a right of passage. You can't learn from your mistakes if you don't make any.

rtoms · 07-29-2009, 04:18 AM

heaven forbid he lives a little... then again im starting the website ipartyharder.com what do i know

quaz · quaz's Garage

The difference between "good" and "bad" 18-20 year old kids is simple. Whether or not they get caught. Heck when I tell my mom about some of the stuff I did at 18 she still can't believe it. "But you were such a good kid!" I just never got caught........

Porsche-O-Phile · Porsche-O-Phile's Garage

He's 18?

Time to tell him to get his own place. No longer your problem.

David · David's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by cantdrv55

There was wall-to-wall counseling at home tonight. The toughest thing to deal with is knowing I did the same exact stuff and worse when I was his age. I had to be hard on him AND appear not to be a hypocrite at the same time. That was difficult.

So how exactly do you do that?

jyl · jyl's Garage

Interesting situation. I have a hard time getting worked up over how he and his friend spent their evening. Unless, you have reason to believe they spend most evenings getting stoned and drinking. Why did you decide to set the trap?

Edit: after thinking about this a bit more, here are my views.

Occasional drinking and pot smoking is pretty normal at 18 y/o. Not to say that all kids do it, but many do. And many of those who do, still do just fine in school, work, careers, etc. You did. So did plenty of others on PPOT. Someone I knew very well in college, smoked pot early every night - after his studying was done - and did just fine. GPA 3.8, went on to graduate degrees and so on.

Do you have reason to think your son has crossed the line to having a drinking and/or pot "problem"? This, to me, would be using alcohol or pot so frequently (or at inappropriate times/places), so that it interferes with his responsibilities (e.g. school, work), his health, his safety (e.g. driving intoxicated), or is getting him in trouble with the law. Exactly how frequently is too frequently, will vary by person.

If "yes, he has a problem", then major action is indicated. Everything up to and including professional counseling, even pulling him out of school to live under your constant supervision for awhile.

If "no, he does not have a problem", then what? I guess a wide range of parental responses, from "don't ask don't tell" to "disapproval" to "do it responsibly, son" to "just not in my house" is reasonable. (I guess some might argue for "let's get stoned together, son" but I'd have a hard time with that personally.) There isn't a "problem" in the first place, so it comes down to what you feel comfortable with. If the lesson learned is how to be smarter and more discreet about it, well, that's not a bad thing to learn. Just make sure the parental response doesn't itself create a problem.

I agree that parental hypocrisy, in and of itself, is not the issue. If you played Russian Roulette as a kid but somehow survived, doesn't mean it is a good idea for your kid to get out the revolver. But your own life experience can inform your common sense, about what is a "problem" and what isn't.

Langers · 07-29-2009, 05:11 AM

Quote:

Quote

Give him 30
minutes to pack his things
and get out of the house.
Absolutely no excuses for
that kind of disgusting
behaviour. An absolute
disgrace an shows no
respect for you as a
parent.

Damn, did you spend
your teen years in church?
As the others said, its a right
of passage. You can't learn
from your mistakes if you
don't make any.

haven't been to church for at least a decade. But whAt you say about making mistakes is rubbish. Do I need to murder someone to know it is illegal and learn from my mistake? No, I do not.

The same principle applies to underage drinking and drug use.

This kid should be locked up. Make him work for the state to make up for his disgusting behaviour.

legion · 07-29-2009, 05:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by quaz

The difference between "good" and "bad" 18-20 year old kids is simple. Whether or not they get caught. Heck when I tell my mom about some of the stuff I did at 18 she still can't believe it. "But you were such a good kid!" I just never got caught........

Yep. I smoked up literally every day between my first day of college and when I got my job offer (with a drug test four months later). I still managed to pull a 3.8. I had one simple rule: I didn't go to class or work drunk or high. I didn't light up until after my assignments were done.

I had three friends who went down to Daytona Beach sophomore year. When they got back they smoked up every day too--but they also completely stopped going to class. Of the three of them, the highest GPA for that semester was a 0.8.

If the weed was to blame for their failings, it was equally to blame for my success.

The problem isn't the pot. The problem is that pot use is generally a symptom of a greater disregard for one's own success or failure.

m21sniper · 07-29-2009, 05:25 AM

Agree with legion. Pot and booze in and of themselves are not a problem.

onewhippedpuppy · 07-29-2009, 05:28 AM

Quote:

Quote

Give him 30

minutes to pack his things

and get out of the house.

Absolutely no excuses for

that kind of disgusting

behaviour. An absolute

disgrace an shows no

respect for you as a

parent.

Damn, did you spend

your teen years in church?

As the others said, its a right

of passage. You can't learn

from your mistakes if you

don't make any.

haven't been to church for at least a decade. But whAt you say about making mistakes is rubbish. Do I need to murder someone to know it is illegal and learn from my mistake? No, I do not.

The same principle applies to underage drinking and drug use.

This kid should be locked up. Make him work for the state to make up for his disgusting behaviour.

Damn, I feel sorry for your kids.