Need some wisdom on something that does not come up every day - Page 2

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seahawk

You f'ing channeled all my thoughts...

Money aside, Joseph, I'm 53 with two teenagers (15 and 17 soon to be 18). I simply cannot imagine having progeny at your age. It is about them as well. The only catch you two will be playing is, "catch Dad's dentures".

I'm 48 and feel exactly the same way. Even now I've got accumulated wear and tear that prevents me from doing certain sports with the boy.

I've actually had two different ex g/fs broach this subject with me in the past. The discussion never got very serious, and in both cases they were married but their hubby was shooting blanks. They just wanted me for my genes. I *might* consider it in that case, and it wouldn't be traditional delivery.

But for a woman I was involved with? If you father that kid you are the kid's father with all the rights and responsibilities inherent in that role. Look at possible scenarios and try to figure out how you'd feel. For instance, you get her pregnant, are with her through birth, kids is 2 years old, and she says, "buh bye." What would you feel/do? Or you get her pregnant and 5 months down the road meet some hot Russian babe who rocks your world and you think you want to marry her. What then?

I can maybe see sperm given to some woman who is married and you are at a distance. For one that you are somewhat connected with? Very, very messy.

Porsche-O-Phile · Porsche-O-Phile's Garage

Run.

Dottore · 12-13-2009, 08:13 AM

The potential for disaster is considerable.

esample · esample's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by MRM

Other than the fun of the delivery system, what part of this sounds like a good idea? Do you want to be involved in a little Joe's life as he grows up? Do you want to ignore a human being, knowing that he is your little Joe? Once you have a child with another person, you are joined with that person 'till death do you part unless you plan on abandoning her and the kid forever. Are you up for that. And finally, "donar" or no, you will be held responsible for child support unless you go through some officially sanctioned sperm donor program. Even then, that's iffy.

Sounds like you've worked up a little FWB situation and the little lady has an idea about how to get a little more. Sounds romantic. Don't go there.

Here is wisdom.

Rot 911 · 12-13-2009, 08:28 AM

Joe, like MRM said, you will be the legal father and liable for all child support until the child is at least 18. 21 if it goes to college.

That said, you better make sure you are the one using birth control from now on as you know what she wants out of the bargain.

Gogar · 12-13-2009, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kurt V

That said, you better make sure you are the one using birth control from now on as you know what she wants out of the bargain.

THAT right there is the smartest post of the thread by far.

Drdogface · Drdogface's Garage

Joe,
I don't really see any upside for you in this. You very well may get stuck with child support...I see that loud and clear. If your relationship with her is as good as it sounds now I would just keep it that way, if you can.

fintstone · fintstone's Garage

Unless you are planning on living with her and being the father...you should not be having a child with her. Children need involved fathers. The age difference is already too great to benefit the first child, and might even cause problems because so much time and energy would be invested in the newbie that would take the single mother's limited time away from him. If she really wants to do this for the older child, she should adopt a child closer in age. Heck, he is in school now...and has lots of friends/companions now.

1990C4S · 12-13-2009, 08:42 AM

Have a vasectomy then agree to help her out.

A judge in Stuttgart, Germany, is currently trying to decide on a lawsuit in which a man hired his neighbour to impregnate his wife.

It gets weirder.

Demetrius Soupolos, 29, and his former beauty queen wife, Traute, were very keen to have a child together, but Demetrius was sterile so they began to seek out other possible options.

The option the couple eventually decided on was to hire their neighbour Frank Maus, 34, to impregnate Traute.

Maus, who was already married with two children agreed to do the job for the fee of €2,000. For three evenings a week for the next six months, a total of 72 different times, Maus tried to impregnate Traute.

When his own wife objected, Maus explained that he was "only doing it for the money."

After the unsuccessful six-month period Soupolos insisted that Maus take a medical examination. The doctor concluded that Maus was also sterile, which forced his wife into admitting that their two children did not belong to him.

Scuba Steve · 12-13-2009, 09:22 AM

My uncle is 71 with a child that's on 10th grade. Not by choice; my cousin and her husband are dead so my aunt and uncle are now raising their grandson. Even though my uncle is an active guy sometimes it seems like he gets tired out by the kid. Not so much physically, but the other stuff he has to deal with when you have a kid in high school. Activities, making sure he's not getting in too much trouble, teaching him how to drive and whatnot. It can be done, but I think in your 70s it does come at a price.

But if the two of you aren't ready for a lifelong commitment I wouldn't even consider it. As others here have said a son or daughter needs both parents in their life and not in some dysfunctional way.

Crowbob · 12-13-2009, 09:29 AM

This is way too serious and personal a decision to be thrown up on the interwebs. However, you did and got an overwhelming reponse warning you to run like hell. The potential for disaster is close to 100%. You will regret it up to and including the day you die. There is no turning back. The lady has umpteen different options to bear another child. Don't do it, Joe. I don't know you, but I respect a lot of what you say here. That respect (FWIW) will be gone if you do this. The lady is not thinking right. If you say no do you think she'll stick around? Do you think you could just carry on like normal NOT being involved in your own progeny?

DanielDudley · 12-13-2009, 09:29 AM

Who is taking the precautions now ?

pwd72s · 12-13-2009, 09:34 AM

run!

legion · 12-13-2009, 09:56 AM

Is she looking for a father/husband or just someone to finance her fantasies?

Has marriage been discussed? If she wants to get married, that indicates the former, if not, the latter.

Joeaksa · 12-13-2009, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by legion

Is she looking for a father/husband or just someone to finance her fantasies?

Has marriage been discussed? If she wants to get married, that indicates the former, if not, the latter.

We have been going out for only a matter of months, and live 1000 miles apart, so no, marriage has not been discussed, nor in my case even thought about.

As well she knows that my job situation is fickle (laid off twice in 5 years, currently unemployed doing contract work when able, but have something firm in a month or so that she did not know about when this came up) and really doubt that she is looking for support.

Do feel that she just wants a "donor" to have another child, but also am feeling like the majority of the posters here that a few months/years down the line she could get perturbed at something and all it would take is one call to a DA or lawyer and the state of Texas would be sending me a registered letter asking about child support for my child.

Problem at this time is that we have had sex several times, the last two not-protected. Really hoping that she is not preggy already.

Joeaksa · 12-13-2009, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kurt V

That said, you better make sure you are the one using birth control from now on as you know what she wants out of the bargain.

Believe that this is a given from here on out. I do not see her that often and may slow things down a lot until this thing is worked out.

McLovin · 12-13-2009, 10:24 AM

Get a vasectomy, then tell her your totally down with her plan.

TSNAPCRACKLEPOP · TSNAPCRACKLEPOP's Garage

Does her father or mother own a Porsche dealership or Liquor store?

tabs · 12-13-2009, 10:34 AM

I thought you gona say you had the clap...or the Viagra wasn'r working anymore....I see on TV that they have a Pump for fellas your age...

Dueller · 12-13-2009, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MRM

Other than the fun of the delivery system, what part of this sounds like a good idea? Do you want to be involved in a little Joe's life as he grows up? Do you want to ignore a human being, knowing that he is your little Joe? Once you have a child with another person, you are joined with that person 'till death do you part unless you plan on abandoning her and the kid forever. Are you up for that. And finally, "donar" or no, you will be held responsible for child support unless you go through some officially sanctioned sperm donor program. Even then, that's iffy.

Sounds like you've worked up a little FWB situation and the little lady has an idea about how to get a little more. Sounds romantic. Don't go there.

I know you didn't ask for a second opinion, but (as usual) I concur with MRM's counsel. As an aside, you seem to minimize the child support issue which you will likely want to contribute when all is said and done. Even though your current earnings may be diminished, most courts look at your earnings potential as demonstrated by past (higher) tax returns. I have a client who had a 50% decrease in earnings (from $120K to 60K) through no fault of his own and he was ordered to pay support commensurate with the higher figure. Ex-wifey is getting a tad over 50% of his net income. Just a little nuance to consider.

Nothwithstanding that, if you impregnate her tonite, you will be 76 and watching the child graduate from high school.