Need some wisdom on something that does not come up every day

[K9Torro]

Joe all I can say has already said in the famous movie line "Run Forrest, Run". Matter of fact if you are using the "conventional" delivery method that you mentioned earlier I believe I would end that situation as of this minute, just my .02

Todd

[Hugh R]

What others have said. At 57 do you really need that baggage?

This Thursday, I will be buying my son his first legal beer when he turns 21; I'm 55. When you do the same, you'll be what, 79?

[mikester]

Originally Posted by McLovin

Get a vasectomy, then tell her your totally down with her plan.

Best Advice Ever!

Joe, these are all the wrong reasons to have a child (in my opinion).

Have a child with someone you love and can't stand to be without. If you CAN stand to be without her then in all the trials and tribulations of marriage and parenthood your relationship might not survive.

So, with that in mind having a child in this sort of situation is so far from good - I can't even imagine considering it.

I honestly don't know how single parents do it with more than one kid. Especially if they are young. I cringe at the thought of my wife leaving me alone with both kids awake for more than a few hours and I think I'm pretty good at this. It falls apart so easily...

I'm just sayin...

Also, I don't think your age is too old if you're in good shape and committed to a healthy lifestyle that will help keep you there. Older parents aren't bad parents.

I'm in my mid thirties and had my first about 5 years ago. If I could do it again, I might have started earlier. If I could do it again I KNOW two things about my life.

1: I can't say.

2: I'd make enough money to have as many kids as I could. They are quite expensive.

[dtw]

Originally Posted by Joeaksa

We have been going out for only a matter of months, and live 1000 miles apart, so no, marriage has not been discussed, nor in my case even thought about.

As well she knows that my job situation is fickle (laid off twice in 5 years, currently unemployed doing contract work when able, but have something firm in a month or so that she did not know about when this came up) and really doubt that she is looking for support.

Do feel that she just wants a "donor" to have another child, but also am feeling like the majority of the posters here that a few months/years down the line she could get perturbed at something and all it would take is one call to a DA or lawyer and the state of Texas would be sending me a registered letter asking about child support for my child.

Problem at this time is that we have had sex several times, the last two not-protected. Really hoping that she is not preggy already.

You are approaching this situation with both logic and good faith. Your mistake is in assuming she will do the same, whether it be now or 3 years down the road.

Occam's Razor, Joe.

[TimT]

I am in a similar situation... I'm 48, she is 30 and has a 5 year old kid..

The difference is that she and I will be getting married, and another kid is a good probability..

Talk about something that wrenches at your gut and makes your head spin.... I feel wonderful about marrying her, and look forward to a life together.. being a step dad.. and possibly a father..

Don't know if I could just be a donor....

[Bill Douglas]

I wish that would happen to me, I'd say yes in a mili-second. 50 and no kids.

[imcarthur]

The fundamental question:

Do you want a child?

Anyway it plays, you will have one. Along with all of the joy, anguish, responsibility, guilt, happiness and heartache that a child will bring.

If the answer is yes, then this might be your shot.

Ian

[sammyg2]

run forest, run.

[Don Ro]

I was asked by two different women if I would sire a child...30 yrs. ago ~ 2 yrs. apart. Strangely enough, both women used the same word, sire.

The seriousness of both invites shocked me (that clock makes them crazy).
I just couldn't have trusted being involved in such a risky matter. I would want to be the father...and at that time, I didn't want to be a father.

Each honorable justification I made for not participating made them more/more insistent. Very difficult conversations, they were. The first lady left within a couple of months, the second lady and I split up 3 yrs. later.

[Don Ro]

Originally Posted by Joeaksa

As well she knows that my job situation is fickle ... and really doubt that she is looking for support.

Hmm...ask her for a printout of her FICO score.

[Looking_for_911]

Originally Posted by MRM

Just so you know, there is no way to enter into a prenup type agreement to prevent child support. Such agreements are illegal in all 50 states. The biological parents will be held financially responsible by the state, regardless of any agreement between the two of them.

Do you really want to create a new life without a mother and father there to take care of it? Do you think a good mother would? I think not.

Joe, the little lady just asked you to marry her.

I swear I heard bells, too, Joe.

[ForBell]

Originally Posted by Don Ro

I was asked by two different women if I would sire a child...

same proposition made to me in 2006. not too uncommon, maybe?

in 2008, raising a child from birth to 18 can cost a middle-income, two-parent American family an average of more than $290,000

be careful, joe. time for celibacy as a spiritual practice. my .02.

[Moses]

A 57 year old single guy who likes the ladies and has no vasectomy? WTF?

[dtw]

Originally Posted by Moses

A 57 year old single guy who likes the ladies and has no vasectomy? WTF?

Agreed, time to take the venom out of that snake.

[Rick Lee]

Not only will you end up with the legal responsibilities of being the kid's father, you will also lose the first position you now have with the mother. No longer will your needs be at the top of her priority list. They probably aren't now, since she already has a kid. But your needs will really be on the back burner after the second kid. That's why I only ever dated MILF's and never thought about marrying one. If you want to be your partner's #1 priority, don't marry one with kids and don't have kids with one you're not married to.

[VaSteve]

Originally Posted by Joeaksa

Anyways several things to bring up in the mix. She is 34 and has one child, a 8 year old son. I

...

Her comments were that she did not think it was a good idea to have a single child, she has been wanting to have a second child for a while,

A kid that's 8 and a baby is like two only children. She should adopt a child closer to her son's age and even that might be a bad idea given that her son has been an only child for so long. This has bad idea written all over it.

[Laneco]

Well let's take a look at another side of this...

Successful professional woman (pilot) already a single parent (knows the "score") apparently financially able. Been in a relationship with a really neat but decidedly older guy.

Not to be unflattering, but did it ever occur to you that she doesn't consider you marriage material? That with all of your virtues (and I believe you have plethora of them) the realistic side is that you are too old to raise a child and she is perfectly capable both emotionally and financially of doing this herself.

I'm sorry for saying such a cruel thing, but the fact is, she's smart. She knows that you'll be in your 70's when the child is a teenager. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule but in general, this is NOT a good thing.

edit: - also the sperm donor thing - no way... You are not a walk-away kind of guy.

angela

[lm6y]

Interesting take Angela.

Joe, I only know you from your posts here, but I honestly don't think you could walk away from Jr. once he/she arrives. Unless of course I've totally misjudged you. I can't see you NOT being in the child's life. What will you do when you piss this woman off, and then she won't let you see this child? You KNOW that most women are more than capable of using a child to play games with a guy. I honestly don't see you sitting back and just taking it.

Run away my friend, this seems like a chance for her to own you lock, stock, and barrel.

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by K9Torro

Joe all I can say has already said in the famous movie line "Run Forrest, Run". Matter of fact if you are using the "conventional" delivery method that you mentioned earlier I believe I would end that situation as of this minute, just my .02

Todd

Plus one! Unless you wish to marry the woman and raise a child...RUN!

[Chocaholic]

Originally Posted by Joeaksa

Problem at this time is that we have had sex several times, the last two not-protected. Really hoping that she is not preggy already.

After all this bandwidth...it seems our Joe has already made his decision. Not a wise one...but a decision none-the-less.

Perhaps you could have asked this question BEFORE you threw away the rubbers.....Just sayin'.