How about an Engineer Joke thread?

[red-beard]

Originally Posted by vash

i tell my wife, her hair is "nice and parallel" all the time.

gets her all hot.

My 1st wife had good size boobs. I was "playing" with them one day, with her on her back. I actually got one into a standing wave. When she asked me what I was doing, I told her. There endeth my fun...

[David]

A surgeon, a priest, and an engineer are golfing.

They keep getting stopped by a slow single golfer ahead them so they stop the course marshall when he drove by. When they complained about the golfer ahead, the marshall told them that he's a retired fire fighter who went into a burning house to save an entire family. While pulling out the last family member, a small child, his faced was burned and he became blind.

The surgeon felt so bad for complaining and told the marshall he knew some good eye surgeons who might be able to help him.

The priest also felt terrible and said he'd have his entire parrish say a prayer for him.

The engineer said, "why doesn't he just play at night?"

[vbaron]

My favorite:

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" The engineer, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."

[cl8ton]

My all time favorite:

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally Posted by cl8ton

My all time favorite:

That's just funnier than hell!

[HarryD]

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer were arguing over what type of engineer god was.

The ME pointed to the body's intricate skeletal/muscular system and proudly stated that god must have been an ME.

The EE said that was ok but he felt that the brain and nervous system were of such incredible design and complexity that god had to be an EE.

The ME and the EE both looked at the Civil engineer who was smiling at their discussion. "I suppose you think god was a civil engineer" they said.

"Of course" replied the CE. "Who else would run a sewer system through a major recreational area"?

[sammyg2]

Originally Posted by 1990C4S

You might be an engineer if …

… choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.

… you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.

… in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.

… the salespeople at the local computer store can’t answer any of your questions.

… at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.

… you bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday.

… you can type 70 words per minute but can’t read your own handwriting.

… you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.

… you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.

… you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.

… you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

… you know what http:// stands for.

… you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids’ toys together.

… you see a good design and still have to change it.

… you spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.

… you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.

… your laptop computer costs more than your car.

… your wife hasn’t the foggiest idea of what you do at work.

… you’ve already calculated how much you make per second.

… you’ve tried to repair a $5 radio.

LMAO! Except for the computer stuff, that's me. I'm a ME that's married to an accountant. Who wooo, party time

[David]

The National Chicken Farmers Association wanted to help households who wish to raise chickens by designing the optimum chicken coup.

They request designs from an architect, a psychologist, and an engineer.

The three groups present their designs at the NCFA national convention.

The architect presents his design first. He explains how the shape of the chicken house will improve egg laying through proper location of the entry and better location of the nests.

Next up is the psychologist. He explains how his design uses colors to improve the chicken's mood and increase egg production.

Finally the engineer presents his plan. He starts his presentation: "First, I assumed a spherical chicken..."

[island911]

. . .and a cylindrical cooking pot.

--Hungry engineer.

[Blanco]

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
>
> To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist,
> the glass is half
> empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
> needs to be.

[Blanco]

> There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing
> all things
> mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30
> years, he happily
> retired. Several years later the company contacted him
> regarding a seemingly
> impossible problem they were having with one of their
> multimillion dollar
> machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to
> get the machine to
> work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the
> retired engineer who
> had solved so many of their problems in the past.
>
> The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day
> studying the huge
> machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in
> chalk on a
> particular component of the machine and stated, "This is
> where your problem
> is."
>
> The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly
> again. The company
> received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his
> service. They demanded
> an itemized accounting of his charges.
>
> The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1.
> Knowing where to put it $49,999.
>
> It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
>