Need some wisdom on something that does not come up every day

Joeaksa · 06:37 AM

Ladies and Gents,

Am facing a subject that does not come up very often, no pun intended.

Am going out with a woman who lives 1000 miles away from me. Why oh why do I get into relationships with people so far away...

Anyways several things to bring up in the mix. She is 34 and has one child, a 8 year old son. I am going to be 57 in less than a month and no kids. Always wanted them, just did not work out with the ex-wife.

I went over to spend Thanksgiving with her last month and something interesting came up. At dinner she asked if I would be interested in being a "donor" so that she could have a child. We have known each other for 5 years or so, but only become "involved" in the last 4 months. To tell the truth I thought she was too young for me, so do not think it was anything other than friends. Guess she had other thoughts...

Her comments were that she did not think it was a good idea to have a single child, she has been wanting to have a second child for a while, and of all of her friends I was the one she liked and respected the most. As well she is concerned about waiting too much later as the older you get the more issues ladies have with the birth and problems with the child. She does not mind raising the child alone, but the subject of how much involvement, if any, she is looking for on my end is a major question. As well do I want someone raising "my" child alone if that were to happen. That said, I am the last male in my family line and would not mind having a child. Sex does not matter, what matters is a healthy child.

There are some other things with her that make me feel that this may not be the "woman of my dreams" but still I have known her for a long time and still like her. As for having a child with her am not against it but also concerned about possible other legal issues that would come along with it.

Anyone have any suggestions or ideas on this? Before you ask, no photos, would rather be banned!

All I can say is that she is a tall (5' 10") blonde and a pilot.

Thx,

Joe A

NineOhOne · 12-13-2009, 06:37 AM

My opinion varies depending on the method of delivery for the specimen...

Chocaholic · 06:47 AM

Having no experience what-so-ever with such things, I cannot intelligently comment. But from a distant sniff-test....I smell trouble. Her bio-clock is running full speed. It's likely that her friends are all getting knocked up and she's not in the club. If she's a working pilot on top of it, and doesn't have the means to be a full time parent...again, I smell trouble. FWIW.

Joeaksa · 12-13-2009, 06:47 AM

Mike,

She already has a child, so its not like she is trying to get preggy to be part of the gang. I can understand her feeling about "single kids" but as well know your point about her job and who is going to take care of the child when she is working.

Right now she is flying for a company who does a lot of local flights, and she is rarely gone more than 1-2 nights. Right now she has a baby sitter but this would have to be worked out.

Joeaksa · 12-13-2009, 06:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NineOhOne

My opinion varies depending on the method of delivery for the specimen...

Conventional delivery. I do let her on top quite often. Am an old man and need to rest.

MRM · 02:04 PM

Other than the fun of the delivery system, what part of this sounds like a good idea? Do you want to be involved in a little Joe's life as he grows up? Do you want to ignore a human being, knowing that he is your little Joe? Once you have a child with another person, you are joined with that person 'till death do you part unless you plan on abandoning her and the kid forever. Are you up for that. And finally, "donor" or no, you will be held responsible for child support unless you go through some officially sanctioned sperm donor program. Even then, that's iffy.

Sounds like you've worked up a little FWB situation and the little lady has an idea about how to get a little more. Sounds romantic. Don't go there.

Joeaksa · 12-13-2009, 06:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadetree930

I see 18 years of support payments. Things go from friendly to financial faster than you think.

That is one of my concerns and even if there was a "pre nup" (if there is such a thing for this type of case) bet that a court or good lawyer would get it thrown out.

Joeaksa · 12-13-2009, 06:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MRM

Other than the fun of the delivery system, what part of this sounds like a good idea? Do you want to be involved in a little Joe's life as he grows up? Do you want to ignore a human being, knowing that he is your little Joe? Once you have a child with another person, you are joined with that person 'till death do you part unless you plan on abandoning her and the kid forever. Are you up for that. And finally, "donar" or no, you will be held responsible for child support unless you go through some officially sanctioned sperm donor program. Even then, that's iffy.

Sounds like you've worked up a little FWB situation and the little lady has an idea about how to get a little more. Sounds romantic. Don't go there.

Do not disagree with your comments and views and agree with most of them. This is not just a "sperm donor" program, its a friend so has more strings attached.

The other question is, what am I going to be like at age 75 when the child would be 18? Will I even be around, so who knows.

BeyGon · 12-13-2009, 06:56 AM

I see the babysitter, it looks like you, and I understand the part about having a kid with no say in it's life, I guess the only way to have say would be to be financially responsible. If you don't really want to marry her I wouldn't do it.

Gogar · 12-13-2009, 07:01 AM

HARRISBURG, Pennsylvania — A sperm donor who helped a lesbian couple conceive two children is liable for child support under a state appellate court ruling that a legal expert believes might be the first of its kind in the U.S.

FOXNews.com - Pennsylvania Court Orders Sperm Donor to Lesbian Couple to Pay Child Support - Local News | News Articles | National News | US News

vwbobd · vwbobd's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joeaksa

Ladies and Gents,

Am facing a subject that does not come up very often, no pun intended.

Am going out with a woman who lives 1000 miles away from me. Why oh why do I get into relationships with people so far away...

Anyways several things to bring up in the mix. She is 34 and has one child, a 8 year old son. I am going to be 57 in less than a month and no kids. Always wanted them, just did not work out with the ex-wife.

I went over to spend Thanksgiving with her last month and something interesting came up. At dinner she asked if I would be interested in being a "donor" so that she could have a child. We have known each other for 5 years or so, but only become "involved" in the last 4 months. To tell the truth I thought she was too young for me, so do not think it was anything other than friends. Guess she had other thoughts...

Her comments were that she did not think it was a good idea to have a single child, she has been wanting to have a second child for a while, and of all of her friends I was the one she liked and respected the most. As well she is concerned about waiting too much later as the older you get the more issues ladies have with the birth and problems with the child. She does not mind raising the child alone, but the subject of how much involvement, if any, she is looking for on my end is a major question. As well do I want someone raising "my" child alone if that were to happen. That said, I am the last male in my family line and would not mind having a child. Sex does not matter, what matters is a healthy child.

There are some other things with her that make me feel that this may not be the "woman of my dreams" but still I have known her for a long time and still like her. As for having a child with her am not against it but also concerned about possible other legal issues that would come along with it.

Anyone have any suggestions or ideas on this? Before you ask, no photos, would rather be banned!

All I can say is that she is a tall (5' 10") blonde and a pilot.

Thx,

Joe A

She has been qualifying you, she sucked you in the relationship to take advantage of your swimmers, then she is gonna start with the " this isnt working, us being so far apart and all" ........."but make sure you send in the support checks or you will hear from my attorney"

Run, run like the wind!! There has got to be some close by pie that dont want to hook you in like that. I mean face it your an old dude, shes a young chick who wants security and she knows statistically youll be gone soon and she will get your loot. RUN!

MRM · 02:05 PM

Just so you know, there is no way to enter into a prenup type agreement to prevent child support. Such agreements are illegal in all 50 states. The biological parents will be held financially responsible by the state, regardless of any agreement between the two of them.

Do you really want to create a new life without a mother and father there to take care of it? Do you think a good mother would? I think not.

Joe, the little lady just asked you to marry her.

masraum · 12-13-2009, 07:08 AM

Something just seems off to me. I'm sure that everything could be completely legit, but I suspect this will just end in trouble and heartache.

I'd drop this hot potato.

DonDavis · DonDavis's Garage

Joe Joe Joe, I've got a bottle of Maker's Mark with your name on it.
Here's a question... do YOU want a child. Put her aside for a bit and consider YOU being a parent. Is that what you want? And if so, do you want your daughter/son living 1000 miles away? Do you want to miss the diaper changes? Their first steps, first day of school? etc...?

This is a VERY complicated subject and one that requires serious thought. Way too much to relay on the BBS. Just sayin'.

ps
pm me a pic! HA!!

Joeaksa · 12-13-2009, 07:11 AM

Wish you guys would stop sugar coating it and tell me how you really feel!

Actually these are my main concerns. Have to add to the mix that I am hoping to retire in 5 years or so and child support payments do not fit well into this situation...

TechnoViking · TechnoViking's Garage

I don't buy her argument that having a second child 9 YEARS apart from the first one is somehow better for the family (at least that is what you've implied she meant).

It's not like they'll be playing together. It's not like they'll go to school together, or have any friends in common. The result will be a huge amount of time taken away from the activities of a young man while mom is being a single parent of a newborn.

No, this is not about doing what's best for the "family". This is about what is best for her. I think it's kind of selfish actually. IMO she needs to focus on the one she has.

Mrmerlin · 12-13-2009, 07:15 AM

Joe I think you need to figure out what YOU want , if its just her on top sex, then having children with her or anyone for that matter isnt something your interested in.
OTOH if you want to start a family make a child, if you like her more after that marry her.
Before you do anything you must BOTH be on the same page and discuss the responsibilities of this decision.
If you have any red flags for you then you might have your answer.

Sex is good at night and in the morning, after that being able to walk away is definitely less of a responsibility

NineOhOne · 12-13-2009, 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joeaksa

Wish you guys would stop sugar coating it and tell me how you really feel!

Hey, you asked a bunch of butt-scratchin', booger-eatin' car guys. If you want professional advice, go see this guy (I think they pay $5k for an appearance):

red-beard · red-beard's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by NineOhOne

Hey, you asked a bunch of butt-scratchin', booger-eatin' car guys. If you want professional advice, go see this guy (I think they pay $5k for an appearance):

LOL!

Have you met Joe?

Seahawk · 12-13-2009, 07:52 AM

You f'ing channeled all my thoughts...

Money aside, Joseph, I'm 53 with two teenagers (15 and 17 soon to be 18). I simply cannot imagine having progeny at your age. It is about them as well. The only catch you two will be playing is, "catch Dad's dentures".

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martin Smith

I don't buy her argument that having a second child 9 YEARS apart from the first one is somehow better for the family (at least that is what you've implied she meant).

It's not like they'll be playing together. It's not like they'll go to school together, or have any friends in common. The result will be a huge amount of time taken away from the activities of a young man while mom is being a single parent of a newborn.

No, this is not about doing what's best for the "family". This is about what is best for her. I think it's kind of selfish actually. IMO she needs to focus on the one she has.