Always protection

[GH85Carrera]

This is an "actual letter" from an Austin , Texas woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding one of their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph.
This was PC Magazine's 2009 Editors' Choice award-winner for the best letter sent via e-mail.


Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'

Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'





Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull-sht. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always. . ...

[BGCarrera32]

snopes.com: An Open Letter to Procter & Gamble

[Joe Ricard]

OMG. That is funny.
In a scary could have been my wife writing that kinda way.

[Laneco]

Oh GAWD that's funny!!! (hillbilly with knife skills - bWAAHHAAA!!!)

angela

[UconnTim97]

Excellent read. Thanks!

[ed martin]

Must have been on her period.

[Joeaksa]

All I have to say is that something that is gutted internally and bleeds on schedule, then repairs itself time after time is just not normal, and am leaning in the direction of "alien from Roswell" for anyone who does this.

[NutmegCarrera]

The people that work in the Fem-Hygiene business are really out for blood.

I think the diaper business is crappy, too...

[Mark Henry]

Hand me my coat, Tex.

[sammyg2]

There are some things guys shouldn't do.
Besides the obvious gay stuff, guys shouldn't talk to each other when at a urinal, check out each other's package, or talk about feminine hygiene.

[Schumi]

Periods are responsible for the demise of a set of my 1000 thread count sheets at my old apartment....

[porsche4life]

Buy red sheets mike....

[Porsche-O-Phile]

Women.

Ya' try to be nice to 'em and look what happens...

[porsche4life]

I hate when someone comes to the register with feminine products... Thats still not as bad as the fat nasties that come in and ASK where the condoms are.... I have to try and keep a straight face while I tell them....

[Joeaksa]

Originally Posted by porsche4life

I hate when someone comes to the register with feminine products... Thats still not as bad as the fat nasties that come in and ASK where the condoms are.... I have to try and keep a straight face while I tell them....

Hope you gave them some flour to roll in so that the guy knows where the wet spot is...

[porsche4life]

LMAO! I think he could see the spot in all the filth tho!

[Schumi]

goddamnit joe...

[Mark Henry]

When I was younger I was with my buddy at a store and he picked up some pads for the new wife, sure enough no price came up
PRICE CHECK ON KOTEX TAMPONS!!!!

[UconnTim97]

Originally Posted by porsche4life

Buy red sheets mike....

or a tarp...

[rswamy]

What's up with the wings, does it mean they can fly????