Need some advice, military leadership related.

[Hebrewhomeboy]

Hey guys. I know it's been forever since I've posted here; actually I sold my 911 and bought a new truck. Not a single day goes by that I miss my 911, I will always think of it as the perfect car, and once I have the free money/space/time I plan on buying another one as a weekend car. Figured I'd catch up since it's been so long, I got promoted to staff sergeant (army) a few months ago, and I'm really proud of that, since I made my E-6 in less than 7 years. Life has been going really really well (except for missing my 911, haha). Anyways, on to my question/situation at hand.


I lead a small PT group in my company, basically it's soldiers in really great shape who want harder workouts than regular company PT can offer. We're kind of an "elite" physical fitness group, for lack of a better term. I'm very very proud of the effort these soldiers put forth in my workouts, as I know they aren't easy.

This week my company has been running an "iron soldier" competition. I participated, as did many soldiers in my PT group. It's a 3 day competition. Not to boast, but at the end of the first day, I was already pretty much destroying my competition. I was very proud of that, especially since I didn't really care about the competition, I was competing because, as the leader of a tough PT group, I knew it was the right thing to do; to set a physical fitness example, to show that I am indeed worthy of leading them. Anyway, the morning after the first day, which was this morning, my back hurt so damn bad that I could barely get out of bed, I had to have my wife help me. It loosened up after 30 minutes or so, but it's still extremely sore, partially due to me aggravating an old injury, and I have trouble bending over without pain. I decided not to compete today, which put me out of the competition.

And that is my issue. It may seem trivial to some of you, like "take care of your health first", and I do understand that, but to me a true army leader, a true noncommissioned officer will ignore pain, even for a silly competition, to set the standard, to set an example, and to prove that he/she is a true leader. I know in my heart I could have won that competition; I had a good lead after just one day. In not competing due to some back pain, I feel like I let myself down and more importantly, my soldiers down big time. I've spoken to them, and they were all sad that I wasn't competing, they really enjoyed seeing me out there, and they all hoped my back got better soon. I'm really upset though, I just truly feel like I did the wrong thing and let my soldiers down. Even for such a small thing, just an inter-company PT competition, it's really bothering me, I can't stop fretting about it.

I can't just leave this alone. I feel the right thing to do is to do something to make this up to my soldiers, to make sure there's no question that I can push through anything to set the example for them and to show them I'm worthy of being their leader. I want to make it up to them somehow, I just don't really know what I can do. Maybe I can persuade my battalion commander to have a battalion-wide competition and I'll compete in that and win it, maybe I can go do a 5K or something, I just have to do something for my soldiers. I know I'm only human and I have tons of faults, but I pride myself in that I try my best to never let my soldiers see my faults. I don't want them to see a leader with faults, I want them to always see a leader that ALWAYS does the right thing, that ALWAYS pushes through anything, that ALWAYS does what a leader does, and I feel that I violated my own "leader standard" this morning. Ugh, now I'm ranting. Thanks for letting me rant, and sorry for the novel. Any ideas on things I could do for my soldiers would be greatly appreciated. I know it seems really small, but it's a big thing to me. I think it's important for privates and privates first class, when they see a staff sergeant, for them to kinda see a bulletproof, always stable rock of a soldier that they can always depend on, no matter what. I feel like I put a chip in that, and I need to make it right. Ugh, I can't believe I'm so frustrated about something so trivial, but I guess that's a good thing, I just really want to do the right thing for my soldiers, no matter what. Thanks for letting me rant, guys.

[MRM]

So you failed. Get over it. Dealing with failure is part of leadership.

[Leland Pate]

Jesus, I'm glad I joined the Air Force.

[Tobra]

If it has you that frustrated, it is not trivial.

It will not make you feel any better about it, but you made the right decision. Better you drop out, than suffer significant injury. A bad back is nothing to mess around with.

You mention that others in your PT group are competing, seems to me if one of the them wins, or even does well, it is a team win. If this is not the case, perhaps it can be a chance to teach them something about pacing yourself. You were crushing everyone, and could not finish. Could learn something from that, I would say.

[RWebb]

pain, as in hurts pain

or pain, as in permanent damage pain?

big diff.

[nostatic]

You need to sort out the difference between leadership and ego. They have crossover, but aren't the same thing.

[RNajarian]

Lead By Example. A leader will set a good example in victory and defeat.

I say move on, and as soon as you feel up to it get back on the horse and PT harder and better than everyone else. Set the bar higher than everyone else. In no time they will have forgotten the competition and know you for your Oooooorah Attitude.

[Hebrewhomeboy]

Originally Posted by MRM

So you failed. Get over it. Dealing with failure is part of leadership.

True, I need to learn and grow from this. But right now I need to feel that I have made things right, even if I'm the only person that feels I didn't do the right thing.

Originally Posted by Leland Pate

Jesus, I'm glad I joined the Air Force.

Hahaha. This isn't an army thing, this is a "me" thing. Although I'm definitely not a typical "military" kinda guy, i.e., the army is not my life, being a very strong leader is the most important thing to me in my military career.

Originally Posted by Tobra

If it has you that frustrated, it is not trivial.

It will not make you feel any better about it, but you made the right decision. Better you drop out, than suffer significant injury. A bad back is nothing to mess around with.

You mention that others in your PT group are competing, seems to me if one of the them wins, or even does well, it is a team win. If this is not the case, perhaps it can be a chance to teach them something about pacing yourself. You were crushing everyone, and could not finish. Could learn something from that, I would say.

I know I did the right thing by not hurting myself, but I still kinda feel I did the wrong thing by not pushing through and winning this little competition, as silly as that may seem. The guy in the lead right now is in my PT group, and I'm really proud of him for doing so well. He pushes himself really hard, and he's a great person and a great soldier.

Originally Posted by RWebb

pain, as in hurts pain

or pain, as in permanent damage pain?

big diff.

Not permanent damage pain, which is one of the reasons it really bothers me. It's a mix of a bit of pain from an old muscle injury, it'll go away after a couple days, and delayed onset muscle soreness. My wife had to help me get out of bed this morning, so I guess I shouldn't be so damn hard on myself.

If I wasn't in the lead, I don't think it would bother me as much. I think it bothers me this much because I know I could have won, and that would have really set a great example for my soldiers. I'll just have to learn from this and look for other ways, other events, other situations that I can use to excel.

I called my platoon sergeant and talked to him. He kinda chuckled and told me I'm being way too hard on myself (and I know I am), and that I've already proven that I'm a good NCO, and the best in the company to lead my PT group. It felt nice hearing my direct supervisor tell me that I was a great NCO, and I know I'm being overly hard on myself for such a trivial thing, but it's still nagging at me. It's nice knowing that I don't NEED to do anything to prove anything to anyone, especially since I made my rank so fast. I probably just need to prove it to myself, I guess.

Well either way, I'll keep my eyes open for any kind of competition or opportunity to excel, and I'll do it for my soldiers. And most importantly, I'll learn from this. Thanks for letting me rant guys, sometimes I just need to kinda get things out, to think about them out loud (or in text, if you will) to arrange my thoughts. And I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Hey, at least I beat them all the first day, haha

[porsche4life]

Physically strong, and being a strong leader are not the same thing...

[stomachmonkey]

Originally Posted by nostatic

You need to sort out the difference between leadership and ego. They have crossover, but aren't the same thing.

Yup. And BTW, in the military ego gets people dead.

[dtw]

Wife? Storytime.

[stomachmonkey]

Originally Posted by dtw

Wife? Storytime.

Yeah last we heard, I heard, was the baby saga.

[Hebrewhomeboy]

Originally Posted by nostatic

You need to sort out the difference between leadership and ego. They have crossover, but aren't the same thing.

I definitely see your point, but it's not my ego. It's just that, basically, since I was a kid (my dad and older brother were both great men/leaders/NCOs in the Army) I have always seen Army NCOs as kinda soldiers that walk on water, ignore any obstacle or pain and get the job done the first time, and do it better than anyone else. I think my dad and brother would have said "pfft, back pain" and gone ahead and competed, even if they did poorly. But they would have done it, and never quit. And that's kinda what bothered me, I feel like I took the easy way out. And it's definitely not for me or my ego. More than anything, I really want to be a great leader for my soldiers, they mean everything to me. I guess if a dad failed at something and felt like he let his son/daughter down, it's kinda similar to how I feel. I have no kids of course, but I try to care for my soldiers as best as I can, teach them, train them, and make them into better people and future leaders. As silly as it may sound, I kinda feel like there's this facade of an invincible leader that my dad and older brother established, and staffs sergeants that I knew when I was a private also established, and I feel I didn't quite live up to that standard.

Ugh, now the thing that bothers me so much is that I know this is such a trivial matter, I know I did the right thing in protecting my back, my health, and I know my soldiers and my leadership don't think any less of me... but I still feel like I did the wrong thing! I think I'm just trying to hold myself to an unobtainable standard. Well, I've never been good with failure or defeat or losing or anything like that. I just need to learn from it, it's character building, haha.

[Hebrewhomeboy]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

Yup. And BTW, in the military ego gets people dead.

It's definitely not that. I want to set an absolute top, first place kind of example for my soldiers. Not for my ego. They look up to me, so no matter what my own opinion of me is, when they look at me I want them to see the kind of leader they deserve. And that kind of leader that my soldiers deserve, I want to be that kind of leader. Today I feel like I took one step backward in my path to become that kind of leader.

[Hebrewhomeboy]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

Yeah last we heard, I heard, was the baby saga.

Ah yes, that. Probably the worst point in my life, some junkie claiming I fathered her baby, and then I walked in on my mom committing suicide immediately after. Definitely trying times. But after that things went sharply uphill. I met a woman in a bar, of all places (neither of us frequent bars much, we were there with friends) and we talked about music for a while - we have the exact same tastes in music - and called it an evening. I ran into her a few days later and asked her out to dinner. As they say, the rest is history. She's extremely intelligent, absolutely 100% drama free (which I value above anything else, after what I was involved with), hard working, kind and compassionate, and we have the same beliefs and views in politics, religion (or for us, the lack thereof), animal rights, and literally everything except our favorite colors. Well, that and she's a baseball fan and I kinda could care less about baseball. And she's as anti-drug as I am, and she values health and happiness as much as I do. I'm really fortunate that I found her. I've never experienced someone loving me like this before, basically it's what a relationship "should be". We love each other every day, we don't lie to each other, we don't give each other drama, we just love each other. It's as simple as that, I can't put it any other way. I've never been this happy before, in a relationship or not, and her friends say they've never seen her this happy before. We just simply get along perfectly, and it's great. We just got married August 28th. And the best thing was, after we got married, nothing changed. Some people, after they get married, change. We're still just like we were when we were dating, and with our personalities, we both know it's going to stay that way. We're like best friends that got married, which I think is wonderful. We have tons in common, so we have tons of things to do together. I could talk about this for way too long, so I'll stop it here, hahha. After tons of **** relationships, some brought on by chance, some brought on by my own stupidity, I finally found one that's absolutely perfect.

[stomachmonkey]

If you had continued and aggravated your injury what you would have "told" your guys is you have no common sense. This was not life or death. It was a competition. It would make me worry about trusting you when my life depended on it.

[bell]

it's training......
if you were in the field you would keep going when it would actually matter......
you know when to make a physical sacrifice........
when lives are on the line......
not for competition......

[stomachmonkey]

Congratulations on the find. You deserve some happiness after all the other stuff.

Condolences on your mother.

[Hebrewhomeboy]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

If you had continued and aggravated your injury what you would have "told" your guys is you have no common sense. This was not life or death. It was a competition. It would make me worry about trusting you when my life depended on it.

I fully understand what your saying. The angle that I was coming from, the way I was thinking, was that if I can't push through this in a silly competition, how can I push through pain when it really matters? I think my point of view has a lot of merit, the downside is that it's much more likely to get me not hurt, but actually injured.

It's just the accepting that I'm human, I'm not a perfect leader and I am forced to show my soldiers that leaders aren't perfect. I really wanted to give them an example of a perfect, kinda "superman" leader to keep in their minds for the rest of their careers.

[Hebrewhomeboy]

Originally Posted by bell

it's training......
if you were in the field you would keep going when it would actually matter......
you know when to make a physical sacrifice........
when lives are on the line......
not for competition......

For my soldiers I would fight a platoon by myself. I would jump on that grenade. You're right though, this is not that time. Thank you.