To operate in Oklahoma or Texas this is what you need to know.

"If I tell you a hen dips snuff, you can look under her wing."
(You can rest assured I'm telling you the truth.)

"I hope to be kicked to death by grasshoppers if it ain't the truth."
(I'm not lying.)

"You could ride to town on that blade without a blanket."
(A dull knife.)

"He could bite through a side of bacon without greasing a gum."
(He has a big mouth.)

"His hogs are so poor it takes six of them to make a shadow."
(Poverty stricken.)

"Bigger'n Dallas."
(Expensive, large.)

"Scarce as hen's teeth and frog fangs."
(A rare occurrence.)

"You can't tell how deep a well is by measuring the length of the pump handle."
(Looks can be deceiving.)

"I think that ol' gal swallered a watermelon seed."
(A pregnant woman.)

"I've seen cows hurt worse than this and get well."
(A reference to a very rare steak.)

"Who stuck the burr under your saddle?"
(Who made you mad?)

"Nobody ever drowned in sweat."
(Hard work never hurt anyone.)

"He's making three tracks in the dirt."
(He's so tired he's dragging.)

"Watch out or you'll plow up snakes."
(Be careful what you say or you'll create a problem.)

"Get down and cool the seat of your saddle."
(Come in and visit for a while.)


"An empty bucket makes the most racket."
(A shallow or superficial person usually talks a lot, but says nothing of importance.)

"Some folks are all right until they get two pairs of britches."
(Prosperity often affects people adversely.)

"Let's call in the dogs and see if they're wet."
(I wonder if it's raining outside.)

"He's trying to throw a wide loop with a short rope."
(He's trying to be something he isn't.)

"I feel like I've been rode hard and put up wet."
(Exhausted.)

"A dry well teaches us the worth of water."
(We seldom appreciate the best things in life.)

"He has more guts than you can hang on a fence."
(Unafraid.)

"I can't cotton to that."
(I don't like it.)

"Everytime I stand up, my mind sits down."
(Unable to think clearly.)

"Don't let your mouth overload your tail."
(Don't talk too much.)

"The time to kill a snake is when he raises his head."
(Be decisive in your actions. When a problem arises, attend to it.)

"Like tryin' to scratch your ear with your elbow."
(An effort that cannot produce results.)

"Throwin' your rope before you make a loop ain't gonna catch the cow."
(Be prepared before you act.)

"Every man is born free and equal. If he gets married, that's his fault."
(Marriage is restrictive.)

"A liar needs a good memory." "Figures never lie, but liars can figure."
(Lies cause trouble.)

"A bird in the hand causes a big mess."
(Things aren't always what they seem to be.)


"Friendly as fire ants."
(Hostile.)

"If you put his brains in a bumblebee, he would fly backwards."
(Not very bright.)

"He'd foul up a two-car funeral."
(Error-prone.)

"He can eat corn through a picket fence."
(Buck-toothed.)

"He's studyin' to be a half-wit, and I'm afraid he ain't gonna make it."
(Lacks wisdom.)

"He's a hundred dollar saddle and a twenty dollar horse man. "
(Lacks a sense of value.)

"That horse will throw him so high that birds'll build nests in his ears before he hits the ground."
(A wild bucking horse, or a bad decision.)

"I covered my back with my belly."
(Sleeping in the open without blankets.)

"You can cut off a dog's tail, but you can't sew it back."
(A bad mistake can't be corrected. Make sure of your intent and purpose before you start something.)

"Nothin' dries as quick as a tear."
(Problems soon pass.)

"A diarrhea of words and a constipation of thoughts."
(Meaningless conversation.)

"Dirt shows up on the cleanest cotton."
(Misdeeds by pious individuals are evident to everyone.)

"How's momma and them?"
(A greeting meaning, "How are you?")

"We've howdyed but we ain't shook."
(We haven't been formally introduced.)

I would walk through the jungle in a meatloaf sandwich just to get her to fart on me.

I would eat a mile of her ***t just to see where it came from.

Tougher than trying to stack BBs.

Like two piglets in a gunny sack.....................
(please see the "chest" thread)

Goin' whole hog.....
(again, see the "chest" thread)

I'd eat a mile of her **** just to kiss where it came from.

Oh yeah! We're Famously Hot! (That's our hilarious new city slogan.) :D

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1286940996.jpg
http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1286941048.jpg

Columbia SC Official Website - Hotels, Restaurants, Events - Columbia Metropolitan CVB

Welcome to Columbia, where we're Famously Hot!

It will be steamy in South Carolina's capital city today, where year-round fun and exploration heat up the cosmopolitan scene. With fiery restaurants, hotels, live music and theater venues -- our brand of low to no-cost fun will make your visit sizzle. We're proud of our simmer and spark, our firebrand history and bright, shining future. We invite you to Columbia to sample the sultry South, with generous helpings of Carolina hospitality.

"I'm not saying she's been around, but doing her would be like throwing a banana down main street."


"The devil to pay (and no pitch hot)"
Preparation or lack of it (Refers to having to re-caulk the 'devil seam' at the turn of the bilge. )

I have a photographic memory, but never developed it.

Les

Euphemisms/Metaphors - my $0.02 Cdn.
 

I hope this slides by Nostatic et al.

Overheard in the pit area at the local track after a particularly abysmal run:
"That constipated $hitwagon couldn't pull a sick whore off a pi$$pot".

Also, another pit area - a guy commenting on the virtues of his racing slicks:
"They stick like snot to a hot oven door"

Cheers
JB

Dumber than a piece of wood.

Don't know his ass from his elbow.

She's so ugly.....she's a two bagger, one over her head and another in case the first one breaks

She's a blivet, ten pounds of crap in a five pound bag.

"Faster than the French in retreat".

"So dumb it takes her an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes".

Slightly different than some previous ones.

She's so loose it's like tossing a hotdog down a hallway.
She's a triple bagger, one over her head, one over yours, and another in case someone walks in the room.

Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick

Coulden't find his way out of a paper bag

Never used and only dropped once.....like a French rifle.

C'est la vie... such is life....or ***** happens

"Couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag" is the way I've always heard that one.

If it ain't broke, get a bigger hammer.
Built like a brick house.
Like water off a duck's back.
Bigger than a bread box. (do any of you remember those?)
Feel like a million bucks. (looking green and wrinkled?)
Slept like a baby. (wake up every two hours and pee on yourself?)
As good as Pelican Parts. (an obvious exaggeration-nothing else is that good)
More popular than God. (I wonder if John still feels that way)

Shines more than a diamond in a goats ass

no matter how hard you try you cant polish a turd

She's so ugly, she eats corn through a barbed-wire fence!

When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail..

They could destroy a Sherman tank with a rubber mallet
They are so destructive they could ruin a pile of $h!t

He couldn't lead a platoon of cowards in a downhill retreat!

"Busier than a one legged man in an a$$ kicking contest"

She's flakier than a snowstorm.

Balls said the queen, if I had two I'd be king.

He/ she could talk a dog off a meat wagon.

That's 4 times for this one...

I guess 5 now...

So hot I'd crawl though a mile of crushed glass just to listen to her fart through a walkie-talkie.

Marry a woman with small hands it will make your d**k seem larger!

That boy is about as useful as wet toilet paper.

As nervous as a Chilean miner . . .

Shaking like a blind queer at a weenie roast

About as useful as abandoning a baby in a dumpster

I'm off like a prom dress....

"This band will go over like a lead balloon" (And the rest is history)

"Not worth a hill of beans." That's what my mother told me every day when I was a kid. Glad I had enough self esteem to not listen.

This thread seems to have evolved from its intended theme to something more akin to: Metaphors, Homilies, & Bromides.

With that in mind; When in doubt, mumble

He doesn't know his a$$ from page 4

I was so confused I didn't know whether to $hit, reset my watch or steal third base

Lastly & maybe most importantly; When reason & all else fails, kick 'em in the nuts!

Cheers
JB

Talk about slapping a skunk - stirring up trouble for no reason.

Take a long walk off a short pier - get lost

Stronger than an ox

Sweeter than molasses

He has a hand full of gimmie and a mouthful of much obliged - never contributes

About as ornery as a mule

Who put the burr under your saddle?

You can buff your shoes, you can buff your car, but you can't buffalo - something that can't be done- from my grandpa