Random euphamism/analogy thread
 

Read here today:

pulls like a coked out mule

This car handles like a crack whore on ice skates.

angela

My ex-wife used to like to say:

Pretty nice mixed set of idioms there...

Off faster than a French whores knickers.

Took off like a drunk through a Georgia briar patch.

off quiker than a prom dress

You can make a euphemism for "penis" by simply combining [type of meat] + [weapon].

"Look at 'em! All spread out like a $5 hooker on Friday night." -Pool player after a smash-em break.

You smell like a whore's handbag.

runs like a scalded dog

slicker than an eel in a barrel of snot


Sharp as a bowling ball

They snatched defeat from the jaws of victory (Giants baseball, ITS TORTURE!!)

She/he has got a room temprature I.Q.
There's a face made for radio

Off like a turd of hurtles.

Ian

Well I've used:

- Uglier than a mud fence
- Hornier than a two pecker'd billy goat

:eek:"runs like a raped ape"

My ex-wife always liked: "She spreads like Peanut butter..."

Hotter than a swap meet VCR.

As queer as a three dollar bill.

I'm smellin' what yer steppin' in. (I understand.)

This dog'll hunt. (I have every expectation that this will work.)

He's so tight he'd skin a flea for its hide and tallow.

I had a whole bunch of Southern expressions I wrote down over the years. I haven't seen the list for about 10 years, but it's here somewhere in a box. I might think of some of them as I go.

She's got hips like a government mule.

He's slower than smoke off a meadow muffin. (I cleaned that one up a bit ;))

"Dumb as a sack of hammers" (one of my faves that I use regularly)
"Smoother than sliding your c*ck into oiled virgin teen p*ssy" (a former co-worker's line - very crass but made me laugh)
"Like trying to herd cats" (another one I use somewhat regularly, usually in reference to my staff)
"As reliable as a 74 Buick"
"Handles like a greased pig on a linoleum floor" (in reference to just about any American muscle car)

"Tighter than a gnat's ass stretched around a 55 gallon drum."

"On you like white on rice on a paper plate in a snow storm."

"So fat that when she walks it looks like two volkswagens drag racing."

Randy

You can't polish a turd

That dog won't hunt

"She's not the brightest crayon in the box but she sure is fun"

"Smart as a box of rocks"

"It's like watching monkeys fuc* a football"

.....that's about as dumb as our President.

You can't swing a dead cat around here without hitting [fill in the blank]

That's slicker than pig phlegm.

is that good or bad?

fish belly white - is a Southernism

"getting fur in your mouth" is how I heard it.

Some of my favorites.

He's about as useless as tits on a bull.

I'm busier than a one legged man an asskicking contest.

as sexy as socks on a rooster

"Shakin like a dog schittin a chicken bone"

There's nobody that can't get a visual on that

"That'll sell like clap on a hooker"

Learned form an old car salesman

Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a rocking chair factory.

Rare as rocking horse manure.

Like trying to nail jello to a tree.

Like kicking dead whales down the beach.

I could sheit through a screen and not hit a wire:

Now thats a loose bowel!

Tight like a ten year old

On it like a rat on a cheeto

if your aunt had balls, she'd be your uncle.

He's/she's as smart as a house plant.

He's/she's not the sharpest knife on the tree. (I like mixing my metaphors).

Not really a saying, but anytime I can mix in Rocket Surgeon into conversation, I'm happy.

I've been to three world's fairs, two rodeos and a goat roping contest, but I've never seen the likes of the stuff that goes on around here before!

Not the smartest monkey in the meadow

Busy as a cat trying to cover up schist on a linoleum floor.

A local radio sports talk jockey got fired a few years ago for saying...

"Their defense was softer than the inside of a cheerleader's thighs at midnight."

"as popular as pork chops in Jerusalem"

"as busy as a bricklayer in Baghdad"