Chapter 6: The final chapter in Schumi's wonderful relationship

[Schumi]

Well I'm doing this thread because I guess I owe it to the community to finish up this literary epic that has been my relationship with a woman for the last two years.

As always, I'll preface it with the prior threads, in order, in case you are new and want some good reading.


1:
guys, I think I found "the one"..

2:
The one that's getting away...

3:
"I would marry that woman."

4:
Schumi update time. Big news.

5:
What a relationship I have...

When we left off, I had bought her tickets to fly to LA for a week with me. She had just got word she was accepted into a study program at a uni in England, part of her path to her PhD. She was leaving in January and we'd not see each other for 5 months or so, so I knew I had to get her out here.

This was the girl I'd asked to marry me. You can go read about just why I would do something as crazy as that in the old threads if you'd like, I won't waste characters here explaining the intricacies of it (and it is intricate). But to sum up, a lot of things were changing in my life, a lot going away, and I didn't want to lose her, and that was the thing that I'd figure I'd go and do to let it decide itself out- and she said she would marry me, and I was the happiest I'd ever been. That was June.

So back to October. She flies out here for six days. I hadn't seen her since I left in June. My entire life had changed since I last saw her. I had a house at the beach, a new to me bright red Porsche convertible, and her. She was so excited leading up to flying out, she would call everyday and count it down, until she called me from the airport right as she landed and I went up to LAX to pick her up. I had the top down on my car, it was a warm, kinda foggy night. I was driving through the pickup area of the terminals looking for her. Then I see her jumping up and down, and I swerve to teh right and park it as a jackhole LAX cop is telling me to move it. I jumped over the door of the car, ran around the front, and kissed her- briefly, as the cop was blowing a whistle in my ear to move my car. She was so beautiful, and it felt like I hadn't seen her in forever. One of the greatest/neatest moments of my life.

Six days she would be here. We had a plan to spend two of those days in Palm Springs. Immediately the next morning it started raining in LA and would continue to rain in LA all the way up until the day she left. The worst weather we had had in LA all year to that point. I felt bad- she didn't get to see the beautiful, warm, sunny beachs that I had become aclimated to. So we left a day early for Palm Springs. It was nice and sunny there at least.

So, right away, I realise in my mind that something is wrong. Something about this wasn't right. In short and to keep at least a few things private to myself, things between us weren't happening. Nothing about her week here went the way I had imagined it would in my head. On top of it, the weather sucked. And the weather seemed to be a commentary on how our relationship was going that week. And our situation snowballed from it. I could feel her discomfort too. For some reason, I just felt that this was not my girlfriend.

Laying in bed one night in Palm Springs, she is sitting with her laptop. She is chatting with a friend about something back home- her friend got into a fight at a bar with some idiots, blah blah. I'm virtually not there. I make the comment "(name) is 1600 miles away. I'm right here." I don't know if she even looked at me.

By the 4th day I awoke just feeling hurt. Feeling like I was in a bad movie. We continued with our tour of LA- I hadn't seen any of these places either, being so caught up with work for the prior 4 months. Place after place, what I had thought would make for wonderful romantic evenings played out like I was on a sightseeing business trip. We went out to a party with friends one night, and she spent a good hour getting ready. She comes out of the room absolutely beautiful, I was stunned. My acknoledgement of her beauty was met with rolled eyes and a 'lets just go...

Frustrated with this, one night I poked at the subject. Lets not go into detail here, but I'll say that i may have gone a bit far and brought up something (a relationship) from her past.. I know, bad move, but at this point it didn't matter to me. What was said will be left, but in the end that move on my part may have been the means to the end.

On the sixth day, I drive her to the airport. I park, get her bag out of the front of the Porsche, gave her a hug, and she left. I watched her walk down the sidewalk as far as I could see, until a bus pulled up and started unloading some bags. I think I stood there leaning on the front fender of the car with the hood open for a good 5 minutes. The phrase that entered my head was "That is going to be the last time I see her for a long time." And then, which saddened me even more, I though "That may be the last time I see her, ever."

I love her, more than anything, I really do. I tried to convey this to her, and I think she got it. For god sakes, we even thought about getting married. But in the end, I finally found out the hard truth. She doesn't love me as much as I love her. And there was nothing I could do to help that. It's just not the time in her life to be with me. This is what she would later say.

It was two weeks. It took took weeks after she left before I heard from her again. And I knew why; it took her that long to gain the courage to tell me what she needed to tell me. She said that her week in California made her realize how not ready she was to be with me. And that she was deeply sorry, but she wasn't able to love me the way I loved her.


5 years ago I sat across a table from her at a diner and thought to myself "I love this girl." I spent 5 years trying to find out if she thought the same. I spent 5 months thinking she did. I found out in 5 days that she didn't.

So my book doesn't have a happy ending. Instead, it seems that may have just been the crappy 2nd act. I've come to realize that, for me, no matter what I have- the nice sportscar, the house on the beach, the high paying job- the thing that matters most to me is the thing I can't have. This is my karma for leading such a bad life before, I feel. I have a lot of horrible character flaws- flaws that she knew about and helped me through- which is why I loved her. Why I'll always love her.

Maybe in another life, huh? She's off to England now. And I'm off to the liquor store. Back to the beginnings it seems.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

If you love someone, set them free...

Don't read into it too much - she did come to see you. Chances are she's just got a lot on her mind. And women (particularly driven and motivated career-oriented ones like she sounds to be) don't like to be possessed or doted over or marginalized by being made to feel like a trophy wife (or wife-to-be).

It sounds like she's a great person and will do very well in life. Respect her and her ambitions. She clearly has made time and space in her busy life and its ambitions for you, so don't get too pushy.

By the same token (and I hate to say this) she's probably also being realistic that she's about to head off to another corner of the world for a long time and who knows what will happen there. You have to accept the real possibility that it might not work out (most long distance relationships don't) or that she might run into someone else while over there. Or that you might. I'm guessing this is weighing on her a bit right now too and making attempts by you to get all touchy-feeley uninvited and not exactly what she's looking for right now.

I wish you the best, I really do. If it's meant to be, it'll be. If it's not, it won't. You have to realize that you're not completely in control of this situation though and although you can do what you can (call, e-mail, write, whatever) a relationship is a two-way street. If both parties aren't totally into it, it's not going to work.

Best to you. Go get your mind on something else for a while. I know it's got to suck right now with all the uncertainty. BTDT (a long time ago...)

[porsche4life]

Wow, just wow... Sorry to hear that mike. Don't live life in the past, you are living most guys dream. Enjoy it, try not to drink too much, and have fun. You will find the one when you least expect it.

[Schumi]

I should add, that it took me a month to write that.

We broke up over a month ago. And I haven't talked to her since. It's not a 'maybe it'll work' anymore. It's a 'maybe in another life..'

[WolfeMacleod]

Schumi, I feel for you. I still feel the day I watched my wife drive away...
It took ten years to find out she didn't feel the same way, and it took six months for us to finally break apart. Nothing feel right any more.

My heart goes out to you.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

Sorry to hear it. Don't know what else to say other than it just wasn't meant to be and here's to hoping something better comes along sooner rather than later. Best to you (lifts glass).

[Mrmerlin]

Schumi, sorry to hear of this unfortunate turn of events.
You may have heard this before , but as one door closes another will open.
Your next wonderful opportunity will soon appear,
just keep your eyes and heart open to it.
Yes you still love the one that got away,
but its better find out now that a companion isnt really a companion.

This whole situation is here for you to learn a lesson , only you will know what it is.
Find the good and watch for the little miracles that appear on your path!

[Crowbob]

Count your blessings. There are many. This is sad but not tragic. No houses lost, no kids involved, no lawyers, no payments, no fees, fines, or bills. Count your blessings.

[Won]

Sorry to hear that Schumi. I must say the tone of your comments on the forum for the last couple weeks made me wonder if there was something going on with your personal life, and I'm sure others have noticed it too. I do believe it will be a story that will make you smile rather than cry when/if you fully recover from it. Time is your friend here.

[DanielDudley]

When you have built your nest, birds will flock to it.

[chrenan]

There's someone for everyone. She'll find you when you aren't looking.

[Oh Haha]

Originally Posted by chrenan

There's someone for everyone. She'll find you when you aren't looking.

+1
My wife and I found each other after some pretty mundane events in my life led us to meet.

I had pretty much given up finding another woman after my divorce.

Focus on your work/hobbies/friends.

[livi]

Sorry to hear this, Mike.

[IROC]

What an epic story. I feel for you...

[azasadny]

Mike,
Move on, you'll find the one you're supposed to be with. Forget the "karma" stuff, it was invented by the Hindus to keep the populace complacient about their poor living conditions. Focus on enjoying life and you'll find someone who also enjoys life and will love you back! Good luck!

[strupgolf]

When one walks out the door, it opens for another one. Chin up.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Mike, thanks for sharing your story with us. Lots of cliche things can be said here, but none will make it any easier. Take solace in your friends and the good life that you have, eventually you'll find what you're looking for. I think most of us have felt that kind of despair at some point in our lives, better things are around the next bend.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

I think most of us have felt that kind of despair at some point in our lives, better things are around the next bend.

Yup.

Walk it off.

[Crowbob]

'It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.'

I don't know who said that, but right now I bet you would disagree. The truth is, there is great wisdom in it.

Tincture of time is the best remedy. Also an indisputable truth.

[vash]

wow...i was waiting for an update.

sorry about that..that has happened to all of us.