Mid-life crisis(?)/Married with children

[red911sc]

With all of the posts about working I decided to spill my guts as this has been bothering me for a while.

Personal background; 43 year old white male, 3 boys – 19, 9 & 6. My wife is a paralegal. Not much savings and in debt (my fault) but recently developed plan to be debt free in about 6 years. This does not include upgrading vehicles which will have to happen as current daily drivers are aging so this will extend the “debt free” date. No college degree but have taken some courses, also attended many seminars.

Professional background; I am a “jack of all trades” from machine shop/fabrication background (since age of 16), I have operated manual machines, programmed and operated CNC’s, also worked in many areas of sheet metal fab, jumped to engineering, designed dies, fixtures, etc., now jumped to sales and am Sales and Customer Service Manager of a $10 million/year firm. I am good with my hands and good at problem solving. I handle myself well in the sales arena but am, by nature, introverted. Some days I loathe dealing with the issues/people.

Dream; I have always wanted my own business and actually own some machinery (older CNC knee mill, small manual horizontal mill, surface grinder, press brake and a few other small items)and keep it at a friend’s shop (he is a struggling welder/fab guy, one man show). We have discussed joining forces and having our own place but I struggle with this decision due to financial concerns. I need to make 65k/year + to live currently.

So… I am trying to decide what to do with my life. I can’t believe I am in this position at the age of 43, looking back over my career I have not managed my life very well. I have always allowed myself to follow the easiest path to more money. I think I am going through a period of depression. Any advice? (I am open to career changes)

[JeremyD]

What do you love to do?

[techweenie]

Welcome to your midlife crisis. You answered your own question by saying you're introverted and loathe dealing with issues/people some days. That is not a good attribute for a sales and customer service manager.

What opportunities are there in your area to return to operating machines? Any place that needs prototype/fab help? If full time, great. If not, maybe you can find a few places that would outsource that kind of work, allowing you to get equipment as needed and transition to independent workshop.

[red911sc]

@ JeremyD - My hobby really is working in this field. I love programming and setting up CNC machines (but not so much running them daily) and designing/engineering. This is what has made joining forces with my friend appealing because we would compliment each other well as he is more the fabricator and I am stronger at machining/managing. The fear is having a paycheck every week considering my financial situation and the economy.

[Christien]

If there's one thing I've learned about self-employment, it's that you really do have to put everything you have into it. That's why I'm getting out of it, and I'm only 35. Life's too short to work for what ends up being the equivalent of $3/hour.

Ok, so maybe I'm just having a bad day. But I'm not sure your requirement of 65k/year and a new startup business are compatible. I don't think it's safe to expect any significant income in the first couple years. Maybe just enough to live on, and that would be borrowed from your seed money. If you're already in debt you're going to have a hard time finding startup money, and then to need to draw from that for your own expenses will just make things that much harder. From what it sounds like, your startup costs (i.e. machinery) are significant, compared to, say, an accountant who wants to go out on his own and really only needs some basic furniture and first and last months' rent.

So you're looking at going into significant debt off the top, you'll have to pledge your house to secure the credit, your current debt will likely lead to a less-than-prime interest rate, you have high personal expenses, more and more manufacturing is being done offshore, and you're in the midst of a recession. Call me pessimistic, but this sounds like a sure path to bankruptcy.

[jyl]

The other option is to embrace the extrovert/people aspects of your current role. People can change, old dogs can learn new tricks. There is probably someone who works w/ people facing this challenge.

I had to do something like that for my first career. Growing up as a solitary math/intellectual geek-type is not the best preparation for being an aggressive, combative lawyer-type. Transformation is possible.

[red911sc]

Christien, Offshore manufacturing and my financial situation are why I am still working for someone else and also why I mentioned potential career change.

What else is a good career choice for someone with my skills? Carpentry? Auto repair? Electrician? Plumber? None sound like great choices for 65K/year. Any others?

[Christien]

Did you read this thread?
A day in the life of an auto mechanic.

Yikes. Carpentry? Probably not. Maybe electrician or plumber - they get paid better. But 65k/year is a lot of money in hard times.

[red911sc]

Yes, I did read that thread and thought of it as I typed "auto mechanic" as an option.

[cbush]

I am an introvert in an extrovert job also. I suspect many of us are. Doesn't mean it is a bad thing- you can revert and relax when you are not at work.

I would stick with the current job while you pay off your debt and establish enough savings to cover 6 months expenses--then start the new business if you want to. The other alternative is a recipe for bankrupcy. If you are impatient, look for ways to speed up paying off the debt and reducing your living expenses.

In the meantime, you can start developing your other business--evenings and weekends perhaps? If it takes off, then great- you can transition sooner- if not, nothing lost.

Success in a small business can be tough--a few years of working nights and weekends might tell you if you really love doing it.

It is normal to question a lot of things when you are in your 40s and 50s. The reality is that life is hard. Don't dwell on your regrets for things in the past. Just keep plugging away at what is working, and remember that the most important thing you have is your family.

That's my 2 cents anyway.

[Instrument 41]

I'm not so sure this is mid life crisis as much as "hello, this is reality". I was in your shoes a few years back. Decided to go back to school. interrupting the industrial Field I was in (from tech to sales). Well 10 years later, a divorce, being laid off and now rebuilding my life, financially, guess where I am, where I was 10 years ago before I went back to school.
My advice (you know what is said about free advice), Stay where you are, look for things to do different in your current Field to relief the "grass is greener mindset". Make some changes in your personal life that give you a different perspective on why it is that you work.

[Esel Mann]

So, why not keep your day job, partner up with your buddy, and work your ass off in the mornings, evenings, weekends until such time that the business can support you and your buddy?

Of course before doing such it would be recommended that you discuss with your wife and kids because such an endeavor is going to require sacrifice from everyone and will shall we say alter family life as you know it until you can get your business up and running.

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by Christien

But I'm not sure your requirement of 65k/year and a new startup business are compatible.

I am.

The rest of Christien's post is spot on, but that one sentence stood out. I don't think that kind of money is on the table until you have some employees and some contract work.

I'd try the joint venture on a part time weekend/nights basis first.

Oh, working 2 jobs is not for you?

Then neither is self employment owning a business.

I'm a little tired these days as I wind down from 40 years of home improvement/tenant improvement and renovation. I've had my share of days up at 6 and home at 11. 25,000 miles a year and never left the county 4 years in a row.

And that's being parked most of the time.

[Jim Bremner]

Originally Posted by Esel Mann

So, why not keep your day job, partner up with your buddy, and work your ass off in the mornings, evenings, weekends until such time that the business can support you and your buddy?

Of course before doing such it would be recommended that you discuss with your wife and kids because such an endeavor is going to require sacrifice from everyone and will shall we say alter family life as you know it until you can get your business up and running.

This!

[red-beard]

I'm just glad that this is about your job, not an affair...

[RWebb]

title says you have kids

what is best for them?

[red911sc]

I have been working with my buddy on eve's and weekends somewhat but definitely could put forth a stronger effort. 2 reasons why I have not made a stronger effort are; I do not feel like there is a "place" for me in his business yet. It is difficult to walk into his business and know the projects well enough to jump in and help - we need to work on this. 2nd reason is I have been trying to balance work life and home life (I understand owning a business is a 24/7 job - I need to make sure I am ready for that).

What is best for my kids? My wife would say having a steady income and being there for them. I would say building a successful business that would provide for them beyond my days.

[asphaltgambler]

Can forward you what is priceless advice told to me by my hired gun (consultant) A) Be risk-adverse in this economy unless you have the significant $$$$ to p*ss away at a startup or small business venture. B) Try to avoid any career directly related /retail based in this economy.

Look at the three highest growth industries now and in the next ten years: 1)Homeland security/physical and cyber security 2) Medical field 3) IT -Take an objective look at your current skill set, education, real world experience and interests and see how they would combine 'fit' in one of the three industries above.

[wdfifteen]

You have a six year old, so you should spend the next 10 years saving and planning for your own business and being a there-for-him dad. You'll be a lot more successful in business and as a dad.

Or forget fatherhood, start a biz, and work evenings and weekends to get it up and going. In 10 years maybe you'll be able to work at it full time.

OR, sell the family car and spend the proceeds in Vegas on a rented Ferrari, a hooker, and half a pound of cocaine.

[Zeke]

The only reason to not avoid retail in this economy is that you can get a better share of the market now rather than when things are booming. A better share of a smaller market will provide more volume when the market expands. If you are lucky enough to grow market share at the same time, bingo.