Dad

Superman · 03-04-2011, 11:13 AM

I was just musing. I know this thought is a bit off-kilter and all (you guys know how twisted my mind is), but was just thinking the following:

"Mom" is an affectionate and significant word, certainly while we are young. But you know, as I get older, "Dad" becomes more poinant and meaningful. I think we appreciate Moms all along, but don't fully appreciate Dads until we are mature.

peppy · 03-04-2011, 11:24 AM

Could be that the dads enjoy and are good at the tough love stuff.

scottmandue · 03-04-2011, 11:29 AM

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." -- Mark Twain

lisa_spyder · 03-04-2011, 11:33 AM

Not sure...for me (being a girl and all

) it was probably the other way round...

'Dad' meant fun, lots of love, lots of play, loads of attention etc whilst growing up...poor 'Mum' meant the one who did all the 'stuff' and growled at me...the voice of discipline.

As I exited my teens 'Dad' meant mentor, friend, ally and sometimes enemy...but always solid like a mountain...reliable, stoic, protector..."Mum' became less rule enforcer and more friend and ally...

Once I married and had children of my own 'Dad' still meant all those things, but 'Mum' became much more meaningful and powerful...pragmatic, selfless, stoic....heroine.

Jeff Higgins · 03-04-2011, 12:04 PM

I really, honestly only have one regret in life - I never got to know my dad as another man. He passed away when I was 18. He was the best "dad" a kid could ever have, all the while being a demanding "father" as well. I have lived my life trying to live up to the standards he set for me in the raising of my two boys. There are times I have had to be a "father", but it sure is a lot more fun being their "dad".

gatotom · 03-04-2011, 12:45 PM

I can think of all those times when Dad would tell me one thing and I would do the other........knowing that Dad was always right. How did he know?????

My Dad died 24 yrs ago and few months later my youngest son was born.

lisa_spyder, its funny you should say that, my daughter sorta shunned my wife for yrs until she had her first child, they have finally become mom and daughter.

Tell you what, I am glad that battle is finally over.

Superman · 03-04-2011, 01:00 PM

Yeah, you guys (and lady) got it. Dad was sort of this provider-figure who was stoic, solid....the voice of responsibility. Mom fed me and put gauze pads on. Dad reminded me when I forgot to do stuff.

Today, at 53 years of age, I see effective, steadfast, devoted, patient, career fathers as sort of the quiet heros of society. I take nothing away from moms of course. But LOTS of dads are rock-solid, consistent teachers and personal examples of sacrifice and duty and service to their families and communities. They don't give medals out for that, but perhaps they should.

Plus....at 53 years of age I can finally undersand the Old Man. He's gone now, left us twelve years ago but you know.....I suppose if I could have any impossible wish, I might choose to have a beer with that guy today. Thank him. Look him in the eye and tell him I finally get it.

lisa_spyder · 03-04-2011, 01:10 PM

You know, Jeff has one regret...I have 2

.

I miss my parents now more than ever. At 45yo I need them in my life. I want them here to share things with...life experiences, views, opinions, small things, big things...to share their wisdom with my children, to share their wisdom with me...

When Dad died in 2003 I lost my rudder in life...he set my direction and steered my course often. When Mum died in 2007 I lost a whole chunk of my heart...I never thought her death would affect me SO severely.

I had dreams of growing older with them still around; being able to kick back a few with them and really have the time to enjoy their company.

It's not that I didn't have a wonderful time with them when they were still here...I am just greedy...I want more...

LSA · 03-04-2011, 01:37 PM

Ditto to most of the sentiments here I have amazing parents and I loved my dad. He was a major driving force of my teen years onward. I always wanted him to be proud of me and I know he was. I really miss what we used to do, dirt biking, car shows, eating at middle of nowhere hole in the walls. He was a dad first but a great friend a real hard ass sometimes but I couldn't have asked for a better dad. He always wanted better for me than what he achieved and busted his ass so I could have a good life.

There's nothing more sobering than holding your father's hand, the anchor in your life, the one whose experience and advice you draw from take his last breath. At 19 when we were starting to bond as adults well it sucks and a year and a half later I still think about him every other day.

Seahawk · 03-04-2011, 01:41 PM

Supe, well done.

LSA, never forget the touch.

I'll post later.

Bill Douglas · 03-04-2011, 02:08 PM

I'm thinking of loading some silver bullets for the 9mm. My dad is buried in Christchurch and the earthquake was enough to wake the dead. He was bad enough alive but coming back as a vampire, Arrrrrggggggghhhhhhh......

Evans, Marv · 03-04-2011, 02:15 PM

People who can and do look up to their fathers (and motheres) are lucky. Mine father was distant and detached. My mother wasn't much better although at least affectionate once in a while. They were mostly examples of what I didn't want to grow up to emulate. Of course they have both passed. If there is another life for them, I hope they do a better job next time around.

foxpaws · foxpaws's Garage

My Mom is wonderful – and I had a wonderful childhood growing up, but, my Dad was a very special man. A drill sargent for part of his military career – I certainly grew up understanding ‘tough love,’ but I always knew the ‘love’ was unconditional, and eventually figured out the ‘tough’ was really for my own good.

He anchored our family – and the best thing was to watch him with his granddaughters (he had only a slew of granddaughters, and he always said he wouldn’t have had it any other way). Dad’s ‘girls’ would go to him with their secrets, victories, troubles and tribulations. They all sang Amazing Grace at his funeral as the fighters were flying over – he would have just beamed.

He was a hero in many more ways than the military honors now proudly displayed on my Mom’s wall (he never even let us see them when we were growing up). He was my hero. He passed away about a year ago - and I miss him every day.

Oh Haha · 03-04-2011, 03:25 PM

My dad passed away 7 years ago last week. I think he changed after my older brother was killed. I think he became sort of detached. He did not deal with the event very good. He provided a home, food, and clothes. Not the best of everything but he went without so us kids could have what we needed.

Everyday I wish I could be more like he was. He was not much of a talker but when he spoke you had BETTER listen. In my teens I had a tough time with life but he(and my mom) were always there just when I needed them.

I am very lucky that, in my 20's, I realised that he DID know quite alot and his advice could help me. I spent alot of time with him even after I moved away to start my career. Although he never really told me he was proud I found out from some of his "donut shop" buddies that he was very proud of his son and apparently bragged quite a bit when I bought the 911.

My son was born 3 months before he passed. I am glad he got to see him but very sad that I can't share the moments in my kids' lives with him.

Sorry, I didn't mean to write a novel but lately has been rough going and I wish he were here to talk with.

azasadny · azasadny's Garage

I didn't really have a "dad" until about 5 years ago when my father came back into our lives. It was strange at first because we really didn't know each other at all, but we've become reacquainted as adults and spent quite a bit of quality time together. At first, he tried too hard to make up for lost time, but after that phase ended, we all settled into a nice relationship. I never thought this would ever happen....

notfarnow · 03-04-2011, 04:34 PM

My parents split up when I was 6, and although I idolized him... dad was more of a "cool uncle" figure as I grew up. We became much closer when I was in my 20's.

Two years ago when I got laid off and went into real estate, there were times when I was ready to give up. I had little, if any support from most of my family... they wanted me to take a 9-5 job like the one I had. It was really tough, sometimes it was like the world was conspiring against me. Money, marriage, work, everything was ragged and coming apart.

My dad backed me up though, and always seemed to call *just* when I needed a lift. I don't know how I would have made it through that year without him... I really don't

rnln · 03-05-2011, 12:13 AM

Completely agree. Dad don't talk and don't show. When I become a dad myself, I understand him more and START loving him a lot more.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Superman

I think we appreciate Moms all along, but don't fully appreciate Dads until we are mature.

wdfifteen · wdfifteen's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by Superman

Today, at 53 years of age, I see effective, steadfast, devoted, patient, career fathers as sort of the quiet heros of society.

I agree. My dad never did anything special, wasn't much fun, never got his name in the paper, but he came home every night and brought a paycheck home every Thursday. There is something heroic about that.
Having said that, I wish he had spent some time with his kids. He took care of us, but never really seemed to like us.

Oh Haha · 03-05-2011, 03:43 AM

I wish I had the patience that my dad did. He put up with ALOT of crap but never showed anything more than mild irritance.

I only saw him cry twice(I know he did when my brother died but he never let us kids see it):

1. When he had to take the family dog to be put down due to her health.

2. When I told him I was getting back with my now ex-wife after a separation. "I lost one son, I don't want to lose another".
Those words gave me the strength and conviction to end the marriage a couple of months later.

lm6y · 03-05-2011, 04:31 AM

Lots of powerful words here, and every one of them true. The day my Dad came out of surgery with 3 stints in his heart, and I held his hand, was the first time it REALLY hit me that this hero of mine will actually leave me some day. Since then, our roles have reversed a bit. I do a lot more taking care, and watching out for Mom and Dad now. I'm just SO glad that they are still here to take care of.