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Banned
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Jacksonville FL
Posts: 50,449
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Today Chuck Norris is 71...post a joke
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun! Chuck Norris counted to Infinity .. Twice ... Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits. When Chuck does his morning push ups, he's actually pushing the earth away. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take **** from anybody If you are Chuck Norris, everyday is your birthday. |
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03-10-2011, 09:04 AM
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When Chuck Norris jumps in the ocean, he doesn't get wet, but the ocean gets chuck norrised.
Superman wears Chuck Norris PJs. Chuck Norris can kill two rocks with one bird. |
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03-10-2011, 09:22 AM
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GAFB
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Raleigh, NC, USA
Posts: 7,842
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My all time favorite:
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may have only seconds to live.
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Several BMWs |
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03-10-2011, 09:47 AM
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Registered
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: the beach
Posts: 5,149
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Chuck Norris has you surrounded.
Chuck Norris had a staring contest with a statue. He won.
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Charlie 1966 912 Polo Red 1950 VW Bug 1983 VW Westfalia; 1989 VW Syncro Tristar Doka |
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03-10-2011, 09:49 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 920
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Chuck Norris is so bad ass he went into Mcdonalds and ordered a whopper.......AND GOT IT .....
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03-10-2011, 10:41 AM
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Charlie Sheen is only winning because Chuck Norris isn't playing...and you can take that to the bank.#fact
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Byron  20+ year PCA member  Many Cool Porsches, Projects& Parts, Vintage BMX bikes too |
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03-10-2011, 11:06 AM
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1.367m later
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: small farm town Iowa..........at last
Posts: 6,357
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Here's a pic of Chuck Norris celebrating his 70th birthday.
Edited - pic removed. -Z-man.
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non velox ad propitiare, verisimile non oblivisci If it's not The Original Automotive Innovations and Restoration, then it's just hot AIR. |
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03-10-2011, 11:50 AM
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Targa, Panamera Turbo
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 22,366
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Chuck Norris celebrated his 71st birthday in the Virgin Islands now they are just called the Islands...
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Michael D. Holloway https://simple.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_D._Holloway https://5thorderindustry.com/ https://www.amazon.com/s?k=michael+d+holloway&crid=3AWD8RUVY3E2F&sprefix= michael+d+holloway%2Caps%2C136&ref=nb_sb_noss_1 |
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03-10-2011, 12:17 PM
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well I did search and.....
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03-10-2011, 12:29 PM
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Dog-faced pony soldier
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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, only another fist.
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03-10-2011, 12:36 PM
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Registered
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 11,758
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They named a street after Chuck Norris, but they had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
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03-10-2011, 12:39 PM
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Dog-faced pony soldier
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Chuck Norris invented the color black. Actually he invented the entire spectrum except for pink, which was invented by Tom Cruise.
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03-10-2011, 12:59 PM
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Cars & Coffee Killer
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: State of Failure
Posts: 32,246
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There are no Chuck Norris jokes. Sure, a few have been spoken, but no one has ever lived to repeat them...
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Some Porsches long ago...then a wankle... 5 liters of VVT fury now -Chris "There is freedom in risk, just as there is oppression in security." |
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03-10-2011, 01:50 PM
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Targa, Panamera Turbo
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 22,366
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If Chuck Norris was a planet he would be the universe...
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Michael D. Holloway https://simple.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_D._Holloway https://5thorderindustry.com/ https://www.amazon.com/s?k=michael+d+holloway&crid=3AWD8RUVY3E2F&sprefix= michael+d+holloway%2Caps%2C136&ref=nb_sb_noss_1 |
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03-10-2011, 01:59 PM
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Targa, Panamera Turbo
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 22,366
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Chuck Norrise likes to snack on Rail Road Spikes...he craps them out as carpet tacks. Thats how they came about.
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Michael D. Holloway https://simple.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_D._Holloway https://5thorderindustry.com/ https://www.amazon.com/s?k=michael+d+holloway&crid=3AWD8RUVY3E2F&sprefix= michael+d+holloway%2Caps%2C136&ref=nb_sb_noss_1 |
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03-10-2011, 02:00 PM
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Targa, Panamera Turbo
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 22,366
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The first Middle Eastern country that Chuck Norris visted was Iran, it wasn't called that when he went but that's what it was called when he left...
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Michael D. Holloway https://simple.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_D._Holloway https://5thorderindustry.com/ https://www.amazon.com/s?k=michael+d+holloway&crid=3AWD8RUVY3E2F&sprefix= michael+d+holloway%2Caps%2C136&ref=nb_sb_noss_1 |
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03-10-2011, 02:01 PM
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Targa, Panamera Turbo
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 22,366
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Ghosts are white because they saw Chuck Norris...
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Michael D. Holloway https://simple.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_D._Holloway https://5thorderindustry.com/ https://www.amazon.com/s?k=michael+d+holloway&crid=3AWD8RUVY3E2F&sprefix= michael+d+holloway%2Caps%2C136&ref=nb_sb_noss_1 |
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03-10-2011, 02:01 PM
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Targa, Panamera Turbo
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 22,366
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Chuck Norris can scamble eggs just by looking at them - they shake themselves silly....
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Michael D. Holloway https://simple.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_D._Holloway https://5thorderindustry.com/ https://www.amazon.com/s?k=michael+d+holloway&crid=3AWD8RUVY3E2F&sprefix= michael+d+holloway%2Caps%2C136&ref=nb_sb_noss_1 |
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03-10-2011, 02:03 PM
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Targa, Panamera Turbo
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 22,366
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Chuck Norris doesn't need a wrist watch...time revolves around him.
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Michael D. Holloway https://simple.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_D._Holloway https://5thorderindustry.com/ https://www.amazon.com/s?k=michael+d+holloway&crid=3AWD8RUVY3E2F&sprefix= michael+d+holloway%2Caps%2C136&ref=nb_sb_noss_1 |
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03-10-2011, 02:05 PM
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Targa, Panamera Turbo
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 22,366
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The polar ice caps are disappearing...because Chuck Norris likes his soda on the the rocks.
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Michael D. Holloway https://simple.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_D._Holloway https://5thorderindustry.com/ https://www.amazon.com/s?k=michael+d+holloway&crid=3AWD8RUVY3E2F&sprefix= michael+d+holloway%2Caps%2C136&ref=nb_sb_noss_1 |
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03-10-2011, 02:06 PM
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2009 BeerTech Klaus
1997 Volvo 850R
1974 Porsche 914-6 3.0
1988 Porsche 911
1970 Porsche 914-6
1976 Porsche 914 2.0
1987 Porsche 924S
Black Beauty
One of One
Cabby (Last)
"Toad Hall"
1985 Porsche 944
BFG
1955 CMC Speedster
1981 Porsche 911SC
B&B#2
Black Pepper
1988 porsche 911 carrera Targa
