My buisness partner is coming unglued, how can I help?

fastfredracing · 05-24-2011, 08:35 AM

He has been calling me a lot lately telling me that "I am really not alright Fred" I think the pressures of running his own business , and some general life problems have been really eating at him. His main biz took a hard hit with the economy, and
in the last two weeks, he broke up with his gf, and then last Wednesday, he had to put his dog down. He has been MIA for nearly a week, but I finally talked to him last night. He went out of town with an ex, who is really bad for him, really bad for anybody for that matter.
He is usually a pretty level headed guy, does not drink , or do drugs, and he is like brother status to me. Even though I want to strangle him sometimes, he is really one of my best friends.
He is supposed to be home tonight, I am thinking about making him stay with us for a week or two , just in case. I would hate for something to happen to him, knowing I could have done something about it.
Any other suggestions? I was thinking about phoning his family, but do not want cause him any embarassment with his family if it is not necessary.

Zeke · 05-24-2011, 08:45 AM

You can't do any better than to let him know you are there for him. People have to help themselves or they just become dependent and desperate.

Do you guys hunt or fish?

Evans, Marv · 05-24-2011, 09:20 AM

Maybe you could try to arrange some (potential) professional counseling for him and try to get him to go emphasizing the neutral and impartial nature of it. Sometimes it helps people to unload on somebody independent of their situation who doesn't try to offer advice or solutions based on intimate knowledge of the person's problems. Plus hang in there with him as Milt says.

nynor · 05-24-2011, 09:38 AM

i feel your pain. i've had two friends in the last year or so just dive, trying to hit bottom. i have no suggestions, as everything i tried seemed to make things worse. my experience was that the more introverted they became, the less they talked to me about what was happening with their lives, the worse their choices were becoming, and it fed on itself. i think patience on your part and allowing them to make their decisions is about the best you can do.

widgeon13 · 05-24-2011, 10:08 AM

Is he actually your business partner? Do you depend on him for your business to be profitable send move forward?

Are you concerned about a suicide situation of mental breakdown? Any way to distract him from current problems, brief vacation of fishing trip as Milt recommended?

Everyone survives losing a pet, bad deal but it happens to everyone, sounds like he has some major issues you may not be aware of, spend some time with him trying to get to the bottom and find out what the major issue is.

mossguy · 05-24-2011, 11:06 AM

Fred, this sounds like a job for the pros. Your job would be to make that happen.

fastfredracing · 05-24-2011, 11:11 AM

I should have been more clear, we are biz partners in a side business, we have 5 rental houses together. He is in no way tied to my main biz. He also has his own business which is now basically a one man operation due to the economy. He is doing 0.k. financially, but he has to work his arse off to survive, and the stress has been getting to him. ( I know that feeling well).
I really don't think he is the suicidal type, but one never knows. He really has nobody else in his life, and I feel some responsibility for his well being. I think the dog being put down was the final punch in the gut for him.
I have known him for 15 years, and have never heard him so down, or frustrated before. Hopefully I am overreacting, but he really sounds down. I had a another friend off himself 7 years ago, and the chain of events was strangely familiar.
Thanks for your advice, we have a long weekend coming up, maybe a nice road trip in the 911's will cheer him up, he is a Porsche guy as well.

tabs · 11:27 AM

Get him to start talking to you, about how he feels. He has opened the door and is asking for someone to listen to him. You want to acknowledge how hard it is for him, that if I were in your situation I would be feeling the same way, it is perfectly understandable that you would feel that way. Which it basically is.

Keep the door open, so that he feels like there is someone he can talk to. Who undrstands. This is MOST IMPORTANT.

Stress yeah...tell him you understand he is under a lot of stress and that stuff can kill ya, but the way outa that box is to always remember that you are under a ot of stress. Being under stress can make people do some weird things as a coping mechanism. And if you remember you are under a lot of stress you can explain why you are feeling the way you do.

If he feels badly about the dog...If you live with a creature for a decade ior more you begin to love it, and suddenly when it is gone and especially when you give the order to do it..one feels a lot of grief. Given some time make sure he gets another dog.

You can make a difference in this mans life by being a friend when he needs one.

That is what YOU can do..

WolfeMacleod · 05-24-2011, 12:30 PM

Grady Clay · 05-24-2011, 12:38 PM

Get him a puppy (with his permission) while you drive this weekend.
That will give him something positive to focus on (cleaning up and housebreaking).
Set it up in advance where you just 'happen' by a breader.

Best,
Grady

DanielDudley · 05-24-2011, 03:22 PM

At least sit down and have a meal with him. Let him talk.

Danimal16 · 05-24-2011, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grady Clay

Get him a puppy (with his permission) while you drive this weekend.
That will give him something positive to focus on (cleaning up and housebreaking).
Set it up in advance where you just 'happen' by a breader.

Best,
Grady

Grady that is exceptional advice. I had a period like that a number of years ago, lost my best Spaniel friend. I had a good friend "hound" me to rescue another dog. After a week I did and it made a huge difference.